All the Stars and Teeth(81)
“It’s because he’s my brother, Amora.” His words waver. “It’s because as much as I know I have to face him, I’m terrified. He was my responsibility. My blood. I should have stopped him years ago, but instead I ran.”
The tension in my chest is suffocating. I drop my hand from his shoulder. “Did you know the truth about practicing multiple magics? Did you know it was all a lie?”
He shakes his head fiercely. “I promise I didn’t. Kaven’s nearly ten years older than me; I was a child when he started to teach everyone cursed soul magic. He said multiple magics weren’t dangerous, but I refused to learn. I … I thought he was lying. Too many people died when they tried to learn it. But now I realize that it only ever happened when they tried to learn Aridian magic.”
I press my head into my palms. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You had a chance to come clean about everything before, when you told me the truth about you and Keel Haul.”
He practically wilts into his own body. “I’m a pirate,” he says quietly, as though the words are a dangerous curse. “All my life I’ve had to play that role just to survive, and the more I played, the more the lines got blurred of who I really was. I’ve never had someone else in my life that I’ve cared for the way I care about you, and I guess … I’m still getting used to that. If I told you the truth, I thought you might hate me. Because look at what Kaven’s done.” He gestures around the room. Around the camp, as though it’s enough of an answer.
“These people are too afraid to even talk at normal volume,” he says. “The children can’t even yell and play freely. They’re terrified of being killed by my brother. I couldn’t risk you finding out, because…”
“Because you needed me,” I finish for him, drawing my hand from his. “You were using me.”
He looks away, but doesn’t deny it. “Only at first. I needed you for your magic, yes, but I was telling you the truth on Keel Haul, Amora. I wanted you to stay. I don’t have anyone else I care about in my life, not really. But I found myself wanting you in it. I didn’t want to risk losing you by telling you about Kaven. Looking back, I know that was selfish of me, and I’m sorry.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I wanted to tell you the truth now, so that you still had time to make a choice.”
“What choice?” I echo, unable to conceal my hurt in the way my words bite.
“If you want to leave, I understand.” He squeezes his hands shut. “I can fight Kaven on my own, as I should have done ages ago.”
I bristle, because who does he think he is? No matter what lies I’ve spent my life believing, there’s always been a single truth I’ve known without a doubt—I was made to protect Visidia.
I think of the look in Zale’s eyes when I swore to help her. I remember the warmth in my chest as the Zudians bowed their heads to offer me their thanks.
And I realize now it doesn’t matter if my magic was a lie, because I can still fulfill what I believed its purpose to be. With everything in my power, I will protect and restore Visidia.
“I would never step down from this fight,” I tell Bastian, pouring into the words every ounce of conviction I feel. “But he’s your brother. Did you come here with the intent to kill him or not? Because if he refuses to step down, there won’t be time for hesitation.”
“The man we’re to face tomorrow is no longer my brother.” Bastian’s eyes hollow with sadness. “He’s ruined the lives of too many. I can face him; it’s facing everyone else that worries me.”
Those words break something in me, because as I look at Bastian now, slumped and broken and barely managing to hold on, I understand him better than I ever have. Gently, I take hold of his chin, tipping it so that our eyes meet. His scruff is rough against my fingers. “Believe me when I say that I understand, and that I’m afraid, too. Look at how Visidia’s withered under my father’s reign. I understand being embarrassed by what your family has done, but you are not your brother, as I am not my father. Do you understand that?” And as I say the words aloud, it’s as though a weight falls from my shoulders.
It’s not too late for us; we are not the mistakes of our family. We have the opportunity to change Visidia for the better.
“But you didn’t know,” Bastian whispers. “The king kept you shut away on Arida. I spent years knowing about Kaven’s plans, and I didn’t do a thing about it.”
“But we’re here, now. You’re here, now. Those people out there?” I point to the door, but never let my attention waver from his. “They’re counting on us. Don’t you dare say you or I shouldn’t be here; this is exactly where we need to be.”
“I should have told you the truth earlier.” When he shuts his eyes, I release his chin.
“You should have.” My insides prickle with heat as I try to process everything. Bastian should have told me; we promised each other there would be no more secrets. But I can understand why he held on to this. Seeing the state of Zudoh, I can understand his desperation and fear. In his situation, would I have acted any differently? Even now, staring the truth dead in the eye, I still want to believe that Father would never be capable of sitting idly by and letting this happen to our kingdom. That all those years he kept me locked on Arida truly were to protect me, and not to hide his mistakes. I want to believe that he would do better than this; that he’ll swoop in any minute to save Visidia, and prove it was all one big misunderstanding.