All the Stars and Teeth(109)

My vision pulses black. I can no longer keep track of all my wounds, or the amount of blood that drains from me. I think back to Zudoh—to the tiny object Kaven cursed me to, almost impossible to see.

Bastian’s hair.

Then I think back to Keel Haul, where until Bastian grabbed my hands, I felt empty. Like a shell. He was the only thing that made me feel even a little like my normal self.

I was right to believe no man could have such a strong hold on me. It’s not Bastian himself that makes me feel whole, again. It’s because he’s the missing piece of me. My magic and half my soul are cursed within him.

There’s no denying the truth in Kaven’s words. As Keel Haul held claim over Bastian, Bastian now holds that over me. Where Keel Haul held his magic, he now holds mine.

My feet sway beneath me, and my slowing heartbeat reminds me of after I’d fought the Lusca.

A smudge of something bright orange flickers at the front of the room, near the door. It dances through the flames, a trick of my bleary eyes. The smoke that fills the room with thick plumes is taking its toll. I struggle to grip Rukan in my shaking palms as my injured knee seizes. It betrays me, bringing me to my knees.

“It’s time for balance to be restored to Visidia.” Kaven steps over me and lifts his sword above my head. “I will lead these people into a better future.”

Pain is the fire that fuels me as I ready both daggers; we’ll strike at the same time. If I’m to die, then I’ll drag him to death at my side.

Kaven swings, and I thrust upward and pour everything left within me into the two blades that tear through Kaven’s chest. I wait for his blade to come down on me, but instead it clatters to the floor, and blood rains onto my face.

Kaven’s blood. The silver glow of his eyes winks out as he falls. His hand is gone, scattered a foot away and on the floor.

Ferrick stands where Kaven’s body has fallen, a guard’s sword in his hands. His chest shakes when our eyes meet, and he tosses the sword beside him. He drops to his knees as I fall and catches my head before it smacks the marble.

Icy blue lines eat their way across Kaven’s skin as Rukan’s poison eats through him. The moment his chest stops moving and he lies face-first on the ground is when I smile.

Then I shut my eyes, too.





EPILOGUE


Sometimes I think about how it would’ve been better if I never woke up. I think about what it would’ve been like if Ferrick had left me on the floor beside Father’s body, and if Suntosan healers weren’t on our island that night. I would never have had to deal with the bodies. Hundreds of them, Zudians, Kers, and royal soldiers alike. I wouldn’t have to deal with imprisoning Aridians I once thought of as family, like Casem’s father, or see confused and broken families.

I wouldn’t have to answer so many questions with lies.

Did you defeat Kaven with your magic? Did you disappear to protect the kingdom? Did the High Animancer know about the attack? Did you?

I wouldn’t have to exist as only half of myself, and rely on a single man to sustain my existence.

Sometimes I think it would have been easier that way, if only Visidia would have let me die.

But every time I think this, I remember Mother’s face when I opened my eyes. It was warm like the sun with tears that fell from her eyes like stars. I remember the way Vataea hugged me fiercely, and how Ferrick cried in my hair as I held him and cried, too. I remember the way Yuriel whispered his thanks to me like a prayer, and how Casem fell into a bow at my feet. Mira hasn’t left his side since he stood back up.

I also remember Bastian, shaking, bloody, and scared, but sighing relief into my skin as he held me. I remember the unspoken promise when he took my hand, and the way he refused to let go.

I turn my head, watching the soft rise and fall of Bastian’s chest as we lie in the gardens, the place where everything first changed.

This man has a piece of my soul. I’d wondered whether that might be the case someday, but now that decision’s been made for me, and the idea of it curdles my stomach. Because how can I be sure that any of it’s real?

I try not to think about the hold Bastian has over me, because that hold won’t exist for long. I refuse to allow a curse to dictate who I must spend my hours with, or who I must keep close. Though I care for Bastian, I don’t want it to be because of a curse. I want it to be because I choose him.

He shakes as I watch him, tremors roiling through his chest every so often. While he’s mostly stable now, his body is still weak and struggling to process both the sudden reawakening of his curse magic as well as the Montara curse.

Bastian’s head turns, hazel eyes opening slowly to the golden sunlight of early fall. When he spots me watching, he casts a lazy grin and draws himself to his feet. Carefully, he reaches out to take my hand. Giving it to him is the only thing that makes me feel whole again, and I hate it.

I will break the curse on the Montaras, reclaim my soul, and ultimately restore proper soul magic—Sira’s version—to the kingdom. But there’s something else I must do, first.

“Are you ready?” he asks.

Nerves gnaw my bones as I look toward the waterfall, imag ining everything that awaits me behind it. Bastian squeezes my shoulder.

“You were born for this.” He steps forward and presses a kiss to my forehead, where Father’s final kiss still burns.