All They Need(14)

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m a little blindsided here. I wasn’t expecting anything like this.”

“I can tell. You look like I hit you up for a loan.” Her smile wobbled a little and she curled her hand into a fist around the ring. “I was kind of hoping we were on the same page with this. But I guess I was wrong.” She was still kneeling and Flynn reached out to guide her onto the couch.

“I need a minute to get my head around this, that’s all.”

She nodded but didn’t say anything. Flynn took a deep breath, trying to get his thoughts in order, trying to find the one right thing to say that would take away the hurt dawning in her eyes.

“I think you’re great, Hales. You know that. I’ve always thought you were great. We get on well, we understand each other.”

“I know, and I’ll admit I was kind of hoping you would beat me to this. Then I remembered that this is the twenty-first century. Women are supposed to go for what they want, right? And I want you, Flynn. I always have.”

For the second time in as many minutes, he was without words. He’d given Hayley a black eye with his soccer ball when he was six. He’d danced with her at her debutante ball when she was seventeen. He’d laughed with her at any number of parties and theater shows and functions over the years, caught up with her for lunch every now and then—with or without other friends in the mix. He’d always thought of her as a good friend, and only recently had he considered her as anything more than that.

“I didn’t realize,” he said, then immediately kicked himself. Could he sound like more of an idiot? He wasn’t an inarticulate teenager. He was thirty-four years old. He’d had his fair share of lovers and relationships. Yet he was handling this with all the sophistication and finesse of a pro wrestler.

“I guess that means I’m a better actor than I thought. Mom has known for years.”

She was watching him intently. Flynn realized he hadn’t answered her question yet.

It should have been a no-brainer. She was beautiful. Their parents were friends. They had everything in common, from their acquaintances to their educations to their tastes in wine and food and art. She was elegant, clever and kind.

She was perfect and she would make the perfect wife.

So why couldn’t he look her in the eye and say yes? Why was he feeling trapped and uncomfortable and deeply guilty all of a sudden?

An image flashed across his mind’s eye—his mother capturing his father’s face in her hands this morning and telling him clearly and unequivocally that she loved him, no matter what. The love and devotion in her expression had been undeniable, as had the love and devotion in his father’s eyes. They were crazy about each other, always had been. They preferred each other’s company to anyone else’s, finished each other’s sentences, tickled each other’s funny bones…?. They were a matched set. Soul mates. Inseparable.

They were the best example of marriage a man could have, and Flynn had taken the lessons he’d learned from watching them to heart. When he married, he planned for it to stick. He wanted to grow old with the love of his life, to mellow with her, to store away memories and take on challenges and evolve with her. He wanted a forever kind of love, the kind that only increased and grew richer and deeper and broader with time. A love that was strong enough to withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and then some.

He looked into Hayley’s eyes and tried to imagine the two of them twenty years from now. He tried to imagine their children. He tried to imagine the two of them dealing with the tectonic shift that his parents were experiencing.

And it just wasn’t there. He couldn’t see it. Hayley was his dear, dear friend. But she was not the woman he wanted to marry.

His chest was suddenly tight. He was about to hurt her—the last thing he’d ever wanted to do.

He looked at her hand in his, her skin very pale in comparison to his, trying to find the words. “Hayley, I care for you a great deal. You’re one of my best friends. The past year has been great. Really great. But marriage is a big step. And I don’t feel even close to ready to take it with you.”

She was very still for a moment. “One of your best friends.” He could see the disappointment and hurt in her face.

Flynn stared at her helplessly. If it was in his power, he’d flip a switch and love her with the same fervor that she apparently felt for him. But it wasn’t, and he didn’t.