All About Seduction(112)

He couldn’t leave her.

Keeping an arm around her, Jack shifted her to his side.

“It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.

But clearly it did. She searched his face, and his gaze slid away.

Her heart twisted.

“What kind of a job?” She was relieved she sounded calm, even though her blood singed her veins.

“Building mill machinery.” He shrugged. “Engineering it eventually.”

She could fill in what he didn’t say: Designing new equipment, patenting it, receiving the royalties. “I know you would be good at it.”

He met her gaze. “We’ll never know now.”

This was his dream, his way of rising above the circumstances of his birth. His striving to rise out of the lower orders was part of the reason she loved him. How could she watch him give it up?

If he left for London, she only imagined endless days of her useless existence stretching out forever. She wanted him near, working in the mill office where she could see him daily, perhaps show him his child. But how could she do that to Jack?

He feared his education wasn’t adequate to working in a mill office, and if Mr. Broadhurst ever suspected there was anything between them, Jack would be in grave danger.

She had to let him go. Worse than that, she had to encourage him to go. She never wanted to do anything less.

Rather than let him see the struggle within her, she sat up and faced away from him. Pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them. She wanted to tell him she loved him, beg him to stay with her, but that wish was doomed. “I shall send a telegram letting them know you have been delayed by a mill accident. I’ll tell them you can keep your appointment the Friday after next.”

Jack drew in a stiff breath. Caroline’s offer hung in the air between them, a tantalizing offer, but one that would do him little good. Even if his appointment was pushed back two weeks, he had no money, no way to get to London, and little hope of navigating around the city.

Her pale shoulder shifted. “Either I will have conceived by then, or I will know I have not. Besides, you will be stronger. You are stronger every day.”

He closed his eyes. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. I will help you.”

He knew she would. If he told her about his life savings, she would probably replace what his family had taken from him. Likely it would be an insignificant sum to her. “Caroline, I walked to Manchester. I walked all about London. Even if I could get to the city, I cannot get around so well now. It took me well over an hour to get to the village.” And longer to return, not to mention his back had been killing him the second half of the day.

“I can have you driven to Manchester, and you will have to hire hackney cabs in London,” she said on a low note. “Much as I will hate to see you go, this may be for the best.”

“I cannot afford—”

“I will give you cab fare. Don’t refuse for prideful reasons.” Her voice was tight.

If the cab fare was enough for the train, he could figure out a way to make it work. He’d demand the difference from Martha, borrow from his sisters, or sell his soul. This opportunity was everything he ever wanted, except as he stared at the slope of Caroline’s shoulders, the knobs of her spine peeking through the dark strands of her hair, and the sweet dimples above her bum, he felt hollow. He wanted to be with her.

It went to her question earlier. This kind of lovemaking was rare and special. Making love to her was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. He had wanted her for as long as he could remember, and that had been aphrodisiac enough.

But her responsiveness had been more intoxicating than any love potion. He’d guessed if a man could ply her sensitive body correctly, sex would be fantastic for her. But to be the only one who’d unlocked her response made him feel like a king, yet humbled him too.

“I shall say I am sending you to Manchester to be seen by a specialist.”

Once she allowed him to truly make love to her, he’d been more patient and gentler than he’d thought he could manage. He wasn’t sure he could match his efforts when he was well and his urges would be stronger, but damn, he wanted to try. Except now she was all business. Perhaps she was eager to send him on his way when his usefulness was done. “All right.”

“Did you even intend to come back yesterday?” Her voice warbled.

He hadn’t intended to. He pushed up to sit and reached for her shoulder.