Affairs of State(21)

She glanced at the number. Unavailable. Frowning, she picked up the phone. “Hello.”

“Is that Ariella?” She didn’t recognize the voice. It sounded very far away.

“This is Ariella.”

“Oh, hello.” The line crackled with static.

“Who’s this?” She was growing impatient, trying to spread with one hand.

“It’s your, it’s…Eleanor. Eleanor Daly.”

Her mother. Her breath caught in her throat and she dropped the knife with a clatter and gripped the phone tighter. “I’m so glad you called. Thank you so much for writing to me. You have no idea how much that letter meant.” So many thoughts unfolded in her brain and she tried not to panic.

“The agency didn’t think it was a good idea for me to contact you when you were a child. They wouldn’t tell me who adopted you. I never stopped thinking about you. Never.”

The emotion in her mother’s voice made her chest constrict. “I’ve always wanted to meet you. Could we get together?” She spoke fast, afraid that at any minute the call would drop and she’d lose the fragile new connection.

“I live in Ireland.”

Ariella’s brain was racing, as she tried to mentally organize the long-awaited meeting with her birth mother. “I have to come to England soon for work. Would it be okay if I came to visit you in Ireland?” The words rushed out, and suddenly she was terrified Eleanor would say no.

Why did she think of her as Eleanor and not her mother? Of course she wasn’t “Mom” to her. That title would always be held by the woman who’d raised her and who she still missed every day. But she wanted to meet Eleanor so much it was a dull ache inside her all the time now.

After a long pause, Eleanor spoke again. “I’m in a remote rural area. Perhaps I could come to England to visit you while you’re there?”

“I’d like that very much.” Exhilaration roared through her and her hands started shaking, causing her to press the phone against her ear. “I don’t know the exact dates I’ll be there yet. What works for you?”

“Oh, anything, really. I’m widowed now, and I do babysitting for income so I don’t have any real commitments.” Eleanor suddenly sounded more relaxed.

“I can’t wait to meet you. It doesn’t seem fair that I don’t know what you look like. You can see pictures of me in the papers all the time.”

She laughed. “I’m afraid I’m not very glamorous. I probably look like a typical Irish housewife. I’ve lived in Ireland since the year after I…had you. I haven’t been back to the States since. I was trying so hard to run away from everything. From you and Ted and the mess I’d gotten myself into.”

“I’m so glad you wrote to me.”

“It was a hard letter to write. I knew I had to reach out to you and I didn’t know how. I was afraid. I am afraid. I know everyone thinks I made the wrong choices back then and I…” Her voice trailed off.

“You made the choices you had to make. No one blames you for them.”

“There wasn’t a day where I didn’t think of you and wonder what you were doing right at that moment.”

“I had a great childhood.” She couldn’t believe she was finally having this conversation she’d waited so long for.

“I’m so happy to hear that.” She could hear tears in her mother’s voice. “I did worry. I tried to imagine that you were being well taken care of and were happy.”

“I could show you photos if you’d like. My dad was an avid photographer and there are really far too many of them.” Then she wondered if she’d said the wrong thing. Would Eleanor find it painful to see all this evidence of someone else raising her child?

“I’d like that very much.” Emotion heightened the pitch of her voice. “I’ve missed so much. I never did have another child. You’re my only one.”

She couldn’t believe she was actually talking to her mother after all these years. So many questions flooded her mind. Things she’d always wanted to know. “Do you have brown hair?”

“I do, though I admit to coloring it now to cover some gray. And I can see you have my green eyes.”

“Those are from you? People have always asked me about them. Green eyes are quite unusual. I wonder what other characteristics we share? Oh, I wish I could leave for the airport right now.”