A Walk Along the Beach(36)

His mother and I shared a look, and it was as if she’d silently shouted the words: I told you so.

“We leave first thing in the morning,” Patrick told me, as we passed the fresh green salad around the table.

While aware his parents would be returning to Arizona, I was surprised by how much I hated to see them go. Spending time with Joanna reminded me of how desperately I missed my own mother. I hadn’t talked to my father in weeks and he hadn’t returned my most recent phone calls. Busy as I was caring for Sean and my efforts for Relay for Life, I hadn’t reached out in the last week. Watching how Sean’s family had gathered around him, I regretted that I hadn’t tried harder with my own father.

    After dinner, I helped with the dishes and then joined Sean on the back patio while his parents settled down in front of the television. The UNO pack was out, but I noticed he hadn’t opened the box. Tired as he was, this wasn’t a good night for games.

The evening was perfect. The weather was cooling down with a gentle breeze, wafting the scent of pine from the tall fir trees that surrounded Sean’s property. He reached for my hand and I could see how tired he was.

“I’ve enjoyed spending time with your parents.”

“I’m glad you didn’t run for the hills,” Sean joked. “My mother can be a bit much. It’s the attorney in her; you should see her in the courtroom. I know judges who are afraid of her.”

I could see Joanna fiercely defending her clients.

“Count your blessings you have your mother,” I told him, feeling the loss of my own. I’d lost count of the times I’d have given anything to be able to talk to my mom. She’d been patient and wise, and oh, how I missed being able to share my concerns with her. She would have loved Sean and been a constant support when Harper had been so desperately ill.

“I am grateful,” he said, “but to be frank, I’ll be happy to not have her constantly hovering over me. This afternoon I was tempted to install a lock on my door.”

I smiled, knowing in my heart that no lock would have kept Joanna out.

“It’s my sister’s turn next,” he said. “Angie’s pregnant and Mom is dying for grandchildren.”

This eagerness to spoil grandchildren was something his mother had mentioned repeatedly. Joanna had dropped several hints at my feet. I pretended not to hear. This was far and away a subject I wasn’t prepared to address. Sean and I had been seeing each other only a few weeks. It was much too early to say where this relationship would lead us.

    “We never did have our talk,” Sean said, his hand holding on to mine with more pressure than necessary.

I could feel his reluctance. To be fair, I wasn’t eager to address the subject myself, although I knew it was necessary.

“I know I should have mentioned my baseball career, Willa,” he said, his gaze locked on my hand in his. “It wasn’t that I purposely hid it from you…I mean, I did in some ways. I guess I was afraid you’d think less of me.”

“Less of you?” I found his reasoning odd.

“If you’d known me then, you wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with me. The man I was back then”—he paused and ran his fingers through his hair—“I was arrogant and self-centered. I cringe every time I think of what a fool I made of myself. It embarrasses me, and I didn’t want you to know I’d ever been like that.”

“Oh Sean.” I could see how difficult it was for him to talk about his past, and I cupped my hand over his.

“The women I dated back then…”

“Nikki?”

At the mention of her name, Sean froze. “You know about Nikki?”

“Not a lot. I saw a photo of the two of you. She’s…gorgeous.” It was hard to get the words out of my mouth.

He closed his eyes and shook his head as if to discard the memory. “I hate that you saw that photo or any photo of the women I once dated.”

“Why?”

“Why?” he repeated, his voice raised. “Because it says far too clearly what I valued. Every woman I saw was empty spiritually and mentally. The fact is I was, too. It took hitting the bottom to realize what I’d become. When I was down and out, my career over, I had to take an honest appraisal of myself and my values. I detested what I saw.”

    His honesty cut straight through every negative thought I’d held on to since I first learned the truth.

“Can you imagine Nikki sticking with me while I dealt with typhoid fever?” he asked and answered his own question with a sarcastic laugh. “She’d have run for the hills so fast it would make your head swim.”

He knew his former girlfriend better than me, so I didn’t respond. One question had been eating at me, and I picked at the edge of my blouse. “Did you love her?”

He jerked back as if I’d punched him in the gut. He took several uncomfortable moments to consider his answer. “I won’t lie to you. Idiot that I was, I thought I did. That says more about me than it does her. I sincerely doubt Nikki is capable of loving anyone but herself.”

“You didn’t introduce her to your parents.” His mother had told me that I was the first woman he’d ever mentioned to her or Patrick.

“I was on the road a lot of the time and wasn’t in contact with my parents a great deal. In retrospect, I think I subconsciously knew Nikki would be a big disappointment to them.”