A Valley of Darkness (A Shade of Vampire #52)(48)

I’d fallen in love with Augusta. I’d even decided to go with her. But she snuck out early one morning, leaving behind a note telling me how sorry she was, and that she couldn’t put my life at risk, too. I never saw her again. I later heard she’d been captured, but by the time I made it to Luceria, a hundred years later, she was already gone—probably dead and buried.

I had a terrible relationship history. Anyone I’d ever loved had ended up dead on my watch. It felt like a curse, and it ate away at me. Whenever I opened my heart to someone, I wound up mourning their death. It killed me on the inside the first time, and although I hadn’t thought it possible, the second was even worse—it made me curse the entire universe. The third, on the other hand, left me completely numb. I shed my last tears, and I closed myself off.

Never again, I swore.

Then I met Hansa and the entire world collapsed around me. She scared and excited me at the same time, and, for a brief moment, I thought she might be another chance for me—the universe’s way of saying “Sorry, Jax! Here, try again!”. I was wary. I kept it all to myself. I tried my best not to let any emotions show. I gave her the coldest shoulder I could muster, but still, she had found her way into my soul, and I was dumbfounded, unable to get her out.

And she wasn’t even trying.

I chuckled lightly, remembering all the banter and death threats. The harder she was on me, the softer I got on the inside. But Jovi’s poisoned arrow changed everything. It broke me out of my reverie and dragged me back to my horrific reality. As Hansa was slowly dying from the poison, the pattern reemerged, and I couldn’t cope with another blow.

Sure, Hansa came out alive in the end, but my instincts had already kicked in. I was neither ready nor willing to let myself fall again. I couldn’t lose Hansa.

Not her.

I went back up the alley, picking various flowers and fragranced herbs along the way for Avril, stuffing them in a linen bag.

It’s better this way.

As long as I didn’t get close to Hansa, she’d stay alive. It sounded like a stupid superstition, but I’d already lost three lovers this way. It tore me apart to think of Hansa’s life ending like theirs. It hurt more to keep my distance from her, but I couldn’t see any other way.

Once in a while, we gravitated toward each other. It was natural. The magnetism between us was strong. My feelings for her were getting out of hand, too.

I’m weak.

I’d vowed to keep my distance, and yet I ended up holding her in my arms. Her sister’s wedding hadn’t made it easier, either. Seeing her cry that night had broken me down. All I wanted was to see her glowing with happiness, but all I could manage was to piss her off. I couldn’t stand seeing other males looking at her. Especially Maras. It had taken so much willpower to keep myself from kicking Emilian away from her last night. Every time I saw her getting close to someone, I instinctively moved in and pulled her back to me.

Only to push her away again. I’m a damn coward…

I deserved her anger. I deserved being left on my own, on the north side of Azure Heights. I didn’t deserve her.

I reached the first level, where dozens of Imen were out—most of them hanging laundry on strings and taking empty baskets to the orchard patches below, for the spring harvest. I passed by two Exiled Maras, fully covered in dark blue and brown clothes. I recognized their blue insignia patches, sewn on their right arms, and my muscles immediately tensed. They were Correction Officers. I noticed their reflection in a nearby window as I checked the flowerboxes and collected more specimens for Avril. I could tell they were watching me, despite their smoky goggles, based on how their heads turned, following my movements across the terrace.

I then headed up the stairs, going to the second level. A quick glance over my shoulder made me aware that they were following me.

But they’re only watching.

They’d probably been instructed to follow and not interact. What was House Kifo hoping to accomplish by tailing us?

I decided to test them and darted up another set of stairs leading to the third level. The crowd was buzzing there, as it seemed to be an open market day, with dozens of improvised stalls spread across the town square. I moved swiftly between the Imen perusing fresh produce, trinkets, and rolls of fabric, then took a sharp turn and walked down one of the alleys. I took the first exit to the left and found myself in a small residential area.

I rushed down the street, reaching another set of stairs. I made it to the fourth level and hid behind a shop. There were plenty of Imen and Exiled Maras around, but I was able to see the Correction Officers reach the platform. They looked around, but couldn’t find me anywhere. I had a good vantage point on that side of the shop. They’d lost me.

They glanced at each other, then nodded and went farther up the mountain, most likely assuming I’d gone up another level. I casually made my way back down, collecting more flower specimens from various pots and boxes along the way, filling the linen bag for Avril.

It was shortly after noon, and a good time to go back to the infirmary and check on Patrik and Scarlett. My mind wandered back to Hansa again, and I cursed under my breath.

Even when we were apart, she was still central to my reasoning.





Avril





(Daughter of Lucas & Marion)





Heron and I headed to the west side of the mountain, facing the great wide open plains, bordered in the distance by the Valley of Screams. We took the main road out of the city to reach the base of the mountain, then left the cobblestones and trekked down one of the beaten paths until we reached the perfect spot on the western wall.