A Summer to Remember(38)
He may have treated me like I was made out of gold and my heart out of the finest crystal but I knew he had broken many hearts before I’d come along and his past behavior could be indicative of future behavior if I wasn’t careful with him or his feelings towards me.
To be honest, I was more afraid of what I was capable of doing to him and I hated when I drifted into these self-analyzing existentialist and introspective thoughts with myself because they served little purpose other than to make me miserable and wish I was with someone again who meant nothing.
I was risking everything—my heart, my soul and my mind—being with Paul and it was always easier to risk nothing and know what the eventual outcome would be than to risk everything and still lose. The heart was the most precious instrument in the body, not only because physically, it pumped blood to every part of our bodies but also because it was our moral compass and the one organ that could be shattered in a million ways even if, physically, it was still healthy and continued its job of keeping us alive even if we felt like we were dead inside.
I’d lived so many years like that, the strangeness of its absence put me at an uneasy truce with my body. I breathed deeply as I continued to walk along the beach until I came upon a scene I would have been best not knowing ever happened.
Talia stood with a tall, dark-haired guy. He had on a short sleeved plaid shirt which showed off major ink on both arms and a pair of black board shorts. I knew who he was and I wondered why they were speaking to one another at all. They were so involved in their argument, they were completely oblivious they weren’t the only souls strolling the beach at this early hour in the morning.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Seth, how difficult is that to understand?”
“Why did you really leave L.A.? If you tell me it’s that prissy friend of yours one more time then I am going to strangle you with my bare hands,” he responded in a thick Bostonian accent.
“Jerrica had nothing to do with my decision but I needed to get away from you. What ever you call what we have together—it’s toxic and we both know it. You shouldn’t be with me and I have no business being with you. Hell, you’re dating someone else because your manager tells you to yet you want to share my bed and I am supposed to accept that? It’s humiliating enough I don’t get to live out my dream and now I am being told I don’t deserve to have the guy either? Just leave me the f*ck alone.”
Talia began to walk away the opposite direction from which I was walking and Seth quickly caught up with her. “Listen, I’m sorry but when I found out you were here, you knew I would drive up. I’m stayin’ at my parents’ for a long Independence Day weekend—”
“—with the skank?”
“Fuck no. You know my mother would flip. I am alone, Talia. No band mates, no women and certainly no hanger-ons. It’s just me and my brother and my parents. I would really like you to come with me. Please, just agree to ride with me back to Boston and I will bring you back tonight. I promise.”
“Goddamn it, Seth, don’t you understand how much this breaks me into a million pieces? I can’t have these moments with you and then just go back to ‘normal’, or what has become my normal. I need to know you are going to be there for me and we are going to attempt a real relationship. Otherwise, I am gonna look for someone else—”
“Listen, you date another man and I will break your arm. You belong to me and you always have. No matter how many sluts I’ve shared my bed with, I have always belonged to you and only you.”
I couldn’t listen to anymore. I turned away and began to walk back to the estate. I knew Talia would cave and I wouldn’t see her today or maybe for the rest of our time here at Martha’s Vineyard. Seth had her—hook, line and sinker—and nothing was going to change that. Perhaps they had each other trapped and I was wrong to think my friend was being foolish. She had never been as stupid as I was and at least she’d fallen for a man who obviously cared about her even if he had issues fully expressing his emotions. Kevin and I didn’t even have that when we were together so between the two of us, who was the biggest idiot? It certainly was me and never had been Talia.
Unfortunately, Savannah was also up with my brother. They were both situated in the pool area on twin luxury loungers talking quietly. She laughed out loud and her face seemed to light up with absolute joy and delight.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, perhaps Paul had been right. Maybe they were into one another though because she had pretty much been sticking to him like glue since the night before.