A Soldier's Salvation (Highland Heartbeats Book 7)(38)

“I know where you can go, where you’ll be absolutely safe,” he said, taking her still-folded hands in his. “You’ll have nothing to fear there.”

Instead of the relief he expected to find in her eyes, he saw nothing but bleak resignation. “I already know where it is I need to go. I’ve thought it through all this time, waiting for you to finish the burial.”

The certainty in her voice was what concerned him the most. The lack of feeling.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, dreading the answer he knew was coming.

The only answer she could have arrived at.

The worst possible answer.

“I’m going home, to your brother. Enough is enough. I won’t see any more people die because of me, either those I love or those in the service of the ones looking for me.”

Her smile was cold. “You see, it isn’t only men who bear up under pain and do what needs to be done, Rodric.”





18





Caitlin knew he wouldn’t agree with her.

She didn’t know how violently opposed he’d be.

“Absolutely not!” He pushed her hands aside, hands he had held so gently, before springing to his feet. “I won’t hear of it, lass!”

“Rodric, please.”

“No! No, you won’t do this. I won’t allow you to sacrifice yourself.”

She rose slowly, hands fisted at her sides. “You won’t allow it?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“You won’t allow it,” she muttered, shaking her head with her eyes never leaving his. “And to think, I was certain I’d heard every mindless thing you could possibly come up with. You always manage to remind me how daft you can be.”

“And you remind me how obstinate you are,” he snarled. “I won’t allow it, do you hear?”

“You don’t own me, Rodric Anderson. No man does. And you have no right to tell me what you will or won’t allow, as this is my life and my choice. I made a mistake in running away. I see that now. There was never any getting away from your brother, my stepfather, any of them. My course was set. I must see it through.”

“Lass, don’t do this.” His shoulders slumped, his face fell. “You don’t need to sacrifice yourself. There’s another way.”

“Do you believe your brother will ever give up without tasting some sort of satisfaction?” She searched his face, his eyes for the truth her question brought up in him.

He didn’t answer, which was really all she needed to hear. He knew she was right.

She shook her head. “I know he won’t. Just because he wasn’t responsible for this, today, doesn’t mean he won’t be responsible for something else. He might go to war with the McAllisters, and then what? Men on both sides will die. Other clans might be pressed to join in, and they’ll die as well. And for what?”

She was nearly screaming by the time she’d finished, all of the penned-up heartache and dismay threatening to burst free. Her chest heaved, her head throbbed. At that moment, if he’d tried to stop her, she would’ve pummeled him until she no longer had the strength to swing her arms.

He did not try to stop her. He merely shook his own head, his eyes dull and lifeless. “I simply cannot stand by and watch as something so dreadful happens.”

“Rodric, you have no say in the matter. I am legally your brother’s wife.”

“The marriage wasn’t—”

She held up a hand to silence him, far past the point of embarrassment at the question of whether her marriage had been consummated. “I know this. But I know I haven’t the resources to have the marriage annulled. A woman in my position has no power.”

The truth of her words struck a heavy blow to her heart. She sank to the tree trunk once again, the strength now drained from her.

“I don’t even have a stepfather willing to speak on my behalf. Do you realize I hadn’t counted on his searching for me? All this time, I assumed it was Alan who posed the greatest threat to my safety.”

“I suppose it makes sense, in a way,” he admitted.

“Aye, because Alan has turned on him in light of my abandonment. He’d counted on the Andersons becoming allies of his. He’d counted on them strengthening his position among the McAllisters, as well. The leader who brokered the marriage which led to lasting peace between the clans.”

Bile rose in her throat at the very thought of him. All along, he had been the one with the most to lose after she’d run away. She should have thought more clearly. She should have counted on Connor behaving as the snake he truly was.

Rodric crouched in front of her. He looked more frantic than she’d ever seen him, no matter how he tried to hide it. It almost seemed as if he truly cared for her, as more than just a childhood friend…

An impossibility, of course. He hadn’t spoken a single affectionate word to her since they were reunited.

“What do you believe will come of your return?” he asked.

She strained to understand what he was saying, as he spoke through clenched teeth.

“I believe your brother will get what he wants and Connor will get what he wants as well. I believe this madness will end and life will go on the way it was meant to.”