A Royal Wedding(85)
‘I think it was a case of facing up to the truth that my dad was not the perfect man I had built up in my mind over the years. Far from it. He loved his work here, and he devoted so much of his life and time to it he never once counted the cost for the family he left behind. Mum was lonely and Tom’s a fine man. I don’t blame her, and I am sorry that I blamed you for making it happen.’
Kate opened her eyes and stared Simon in the face. ‘It’s not the same. Call me hard and callous, but your mother abandoned Tom when he needed her.’
Then her voice changed, and when she spoke again there was a chill in her tone.
‘And then you did the same to me. How could you do it? How could you walk out on me like that at the precise time when I needed you most? And then blame me for not going with you?’
CHAPTER SEVEN
KATE sat back on her heels and waited, hardly daring to breathe but desperate to finally hear Simon’s reply. The silence stretched out between them, so that when he did speak his words seemed to echo around the cool night air and vibrate with the tension in his voice.
‘The day of his funeral, I looked into that grave and I saw that all my efforts had been a worthless joke. I had lived my life striving to be the best in class so that he would pay me some attention, and there I was. A first-class honours degree. Graduating joint top of the class. And it meant absolutely nothing. The man I had worked so hard to please was gone. My mother had fallen for your dad and my family was gone for ever. I felt as though everything I had built my life on had been swept away by some giant landslide.’
The anguish in his words hit her like a physical blow. ‘I wanted to be there for you when he died,’ Kate said, desperate not to break the connection between them. ‘That’s why I decided to wait until a better time, when we could both think straight about how we should build a future together. I didn’t have a second of doubt that we could do it. As a team. Me and you. Only you left before we could talk. And that’s what hurt the most. The fact that you cut me off.’
His head dropped forward onto his chest and his fingers clutched onto Kate’s, drawing her next to him. ‘I didn’t know who I was any more. And then I turned and looked at you,’ he said, in a sweet voice with a gentle smile. ‘You were standing next to me at the graveside. You were there for me. And I saw someone who put her family first, before herself—and still got the grades by working twice as hard as anyone else in the class. You wanted to work to give yourself a future. And it blew me away. That’s when I knew that I had lost the sense of what I truly wanted in life. The old me was in that grave with my dad, and I had no clue what to do any more.’
Kate started to speak, but Simon’s forefinger pressed against her lips to silence her. ‘You’re right. I did run away. I ran way to find myself. It was a selfish thing to do, but I knew that if I stayed I had nothing to give you or offer you. Nothing. No home, no money, and not even the job we had both worked so hard for. It was all gone. I can’t even guess at how tough it must have been, but you had always been a fighter. Until that moment I don’t think I fully realised just how much I had come to rely on you for my strength. I loved you, Katie. I loved you and I had not once told you that out loud.’
His eyes scanned her face as his fingertips brushed gently across her forehead and into her hair. ‘So, you see, you were right to call me a coward. Telling you how I felt would have been a sign of weakness, and the Reynolds family did not do weakness.’
His laugh was hollow and bitter, and Kate shook her head in gentle agreement. ‘Oh, Simon. I wish you had talked to me about what you wanted.’
‘And said what? My dad had promised the village that he would finish the work he had started—they were relying on him! But I knew that was never going to happen. He was gone, and so was the finance. All I could offer the people was my time and my commitment to keeping the promises he had made.’
He dropped his head back and pressed both hands palm flat against the top of his head as he closed his eyes. ‘I know you, Kate O’Neill. I knew that you would never leave Gemma—especially when your dad had cancer. And I had been to Ghana before. I knew there was no way you could have brought a child out here. Life was tough enough for a single man on his own. I just about coped with finding clean water and food to get by. A little girl like Gemma would have been … impossible to care for. And I was certainly in no state to be a father figure. No. You had to put her first. And that meant you had to stay. And I had to leave on my own. No matter how much it hurt.’