A Poison Dark and Drowning (Kingdom on Fire #2)(75)

The clock chiming the hour was the only sound.

“There’s nothing between us? I misunderstood all of it?” he finally asked. His voice was tight. I wanted to say yes, it had all been in his own head. But had it?

Why had I closed my eyes and, in some dark part of my soul, desired him?

No. Use logic. It was true, I relied upon Blackwood in a way I couldn’t rely on anyone else—as a sorcerer, as my friend. If I said I’d never found him handsome, I’d be lying. But he wasn’t Rook.

“I can’t give you what you want,” I said.

“That didn’t answer my question.” He sounded hopeful. “My plan might be the only way to keep our friendship intact.”

“No one can force us not to be friends.” I was shocked by the idea.

“Once you are married, would Rook still allow you to remain in the Order?”

“Rook doesn’t need to allow me to do anything,” I said, stung.

“As his wife, you’d be forced to obey him.”

Now I was getting angry. “And if I became your wife? Would you lock me up inside the house?”

“No,” he said, his voice steel. “We each know the other’s soul.” He drew nearer. “Can you imagine me telling any other sorcerer girl what my father did?” No. I could not. “If Whitechurch has his way, that’s exactly what will happen.”

Wait. “His way? You said you asked Whitechurch for my hand.”

He sneered. “And was refused. ‘Bloodlines,’ he said, ‘must remain pure.’ Even with your power, you’re a magician’s child.”

“Well, that settles it.” Despite the insult, I was relieved. “We can’t disobey.”

“Can’t we?” His voice was dark. Dear God, was Blackwood actually suggesting treason? “I think our children would have untold strength. Consider the new world we could show to the Order; the possibilities are endless.”

Blackwood was speaking entirely too much about children for my taste.

“We can’t do this without permission,” I said.

“We can do what we like. We’ve proven ourselves stronger than most, and the strong should rule.” This was insanity. I would have labeled Blackwood as many things, but a rebel was not one of them. “You know me. You know my secrets. And I know yours.” I flinched. He didn’t know all my secrets, but I couldn’t tell him about R’hlem now. “I will never be as comfortable with anyone as I am with you.” He looked into my eyes. “We have so much that can build a successful marriage.” He touched the tips of his fingers to my cheek. “I respect you as I respect no one. Do you feel the same?”

He was perhaps the most admirable person I knew. “Yes.”

“Do you like me?”

“Yes.” It felt as if I were sinking into a quagmire, the irresistible pull taking me down. He put a hand to my waist.

Some part of me was curious how it would feel to press his lips to mine, but I stepped away to look into his striking eyes, his beautiful face. Anyone would call me a fool, and be right to do so. “I want you to be happy,” I said.

“The key to my happiness rests in your hands.” He wasn’t going to make this easy for me. “I think you feel something,” he whispered. If only he were wrong, I’d push him away now with a feeling of revulsion, but the revulsion did not come. “I believe that with time, you can love me as I love you. Maybe not with the sweetness of your childhood love, but something real. Something passionate.” His gaze hypnotic, he went to kiss me.

“I can’t.” I retreated to a colder, darker corner of the room, where it was easier to think. “I told you that I’m in love with Rook.”

Blackwood kept his back to the fire, his gaze cooling. “I see. Leave aside Rook’s poverty and his being Unclean—I know you don’t care about such things. Are you entirely yourself with him?” He advanced, one smooth step at a time. “His powers frighten you.” He circled me like one of his father’s blasted predator birds. “Am I wrong?”

Much as I hated to, I whispered, “No.”

“You are hungry for knowledge in a way he never has been. You want to ask questions no one has dared ask before. We can have something that will last for generations. Don’t throw yourself away. Don’t be ordinary.”

I moved back to the fire, but he pursued me. “I would do most anything to make you happy, Howel, if you’d let me. I would become your servant, lay whatever you wanted at your feet. Does that offer mean nothing to you?”

No. But Rook needed me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I won’t break my word to him.”

Blackwood was silent then, and despair washed over his features. But the despair was soon replaced with coldness. He’d shown me his heart and was now locking it away again.

“You’d choose a poor servant over a rich one?” That made me want to snap, but before I could, Blackwood strode out the door, leaving me alone.

Something in the corner moved. I nearly missed the shadow as it swept across the floor and slipped into the hall. It had been shaped vaguely like a person—

Dear God. With a barely suppressed cry, I threw open the door and rushed down the darkened hall. Turning a corner, I emerged into a clutch of people.