A Poison Dark and Drowning (Kingdom on Fire #2)(47)

“He didn’t have to be so obvious about it, did he?”

“Ah, but poetry has always had two chief concerns: lining pockets and wooing women.” Magnus laughed when Eliza made a face.

“You wouldn’t know it from some of his sonnets. Remember? ‘My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun’? Such an original way to woo.”

I was surprised at Eliza’s knowledge and the light in her eyes as she enjoyed the debate. Her face fell a little when I approached.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” she said, getting up. “Good night.” She curtsied to Magnus. As she passed, I followed her to the door.

“I didn’t know you loved Shakespeare.” I’d meant it as a compliment, but her expression darkened. She really did look like her brother when she was incensed.

“Of course not. I’m no good for anything except parties and dresses.” Then she left the room without another word. Magnus waited for me over by the fire, wearing a quizzical expression.

“What was that about?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I’d a feeling Eliza was still angry that Maria and I had gone off without her. I hadn’t meant to snub her so blatantly.

“So? What does the old fellow say?” Magnus asked.

“We’ll meet at Agrippa’s.”

“I can’t believe you found him again.” Magnus had none of Blackwood’s anger. Rather, he appeared delighted. “You’re the boldest girl I’ve ever known, Howel.”

“I daresay you’ve known a few.” The words left my mouth before I could think.

“Perhaps.” He played with the wooden charm at his belt. “Suppose I’m a bit surprised you’d rush back to Mickelmas after being thrown into the Tower.”

“Ferox et stultus,” I said, grinning. “Perhaps those are the Howel words as well.”

“No, yours would be I have a brilliant plan, followed by Blackwood moaning in horror.” He let go of the charm. “Blacky doesn’t like to take risks. When you’re at the very top, there’s only one place to go.”

I hadn’t considered that.

“What’s troubling you?” Magnus folded his arms. “You get this little crease in your forehead when you’re deep in spiritual turmoil.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” But I squirmed under Magnus’s honest gaze. Blackwood’s words about my guilt had rung true. “Well, that bastard R’hlem is going to keep destroying everything in his path. The longer I don’t go to him, the better the chance we’ll all be killed. That’s why I had to find Mickelmas.” That was why I’d dragged Magnus and Dee and Blackwood into all this.

“This isn’t your fault.” Magnus reached out but didn’t touch me. Once, when he’d taught me how to fight with warded blades in Agrippa’s library, he’d had no problem correcting my arm, the position of my body. Now it was as if a shield separated us.

That was proper, of course. Otherwise, it could prove too dangerous.

“But it is my fault,” I said.

His features tightened. “You’re not the only one who feels guilt, Howel. You can’t hog it all.”

He was trying to be funny, but I heard the shame in his voice.

“Magnus, what happened?”

He hesitated, staring into the fire. “I don’t want to burden you.”

“I think you should.”

He was so silent that I thought he’d decided not to tell me. Then, “I was on another ship before the Queen Charlotte. I lied when I told you I’d never faced Nemneris. About a month ago, we nearly won an assault against her—got a harpoon in her flank. But she dove deep under the water, came back up, and tried to smash us. She didn’t pull us down—she was too injured—but the ship couldn’t sail.”

“Abandoning ship isn’t a crime,” I said.

Magnus closed his eyes. “It’s what happened after we’d landed ashore. They were waiting for us, you see, on the beach.” The way he said “they” sent a chill through my blood. “The lice. We fought them, but there were more, always more, coming down the sand.” He grabbed that token again, holding it the way one might hold prayer beads. “Fifty of us went onto the beach. Nine left it. Later on, when we’d finally got away, I realized I was covered in blood. From head to toe.” He passed a hand over his eyes. “It makes you wonder how you managed to survive. Surely you did something cowardly to get away.” His voice broke, just once, but once was enough.

I put my hand on his arm. “There’s no shame in survival.”

He was stiff, unyielding beneath my touch. Utterly unlike the boy I’d known only a few months before.

“Every night I see the lice coming across the sand.” He looked at me again. “I’m not the only one with nightmares.” It was as though he was defending himself. “The others in the barracks scream in the night, and…”

He released the charm slowly.

“What is that?” I said. Magnus smiled faintly.

“Jim Collins. He was the carpenter’s mate, all of twelve years old. Bright boy. I taught him how to cheat at cards.” His smile disappeared. “And then, when we knew we’d have to abandon ship…” He took the charm off his belt and gave it to me. I cradled it in my hands. “Jim told me his mother made this to keep him safe, and he wanted her to have it back. I took it. Didn’t know what else to do. Later, when the fighting was done, we found Jim’s body lying on the sand.” Magnus shuddered. “He’d been bit through.”