A Nordic King(33)

“Oh my god,” I say. “Oh my god, what is that? What’s in your closet?”

Please don’t say it’s a demon creature.

“Snarf Snarf,” Freja repeats herself, exasperated, and she runs over to the closet to open the door.

For a second I can’t see anything and then a fucking PIG starts running out of the closet and booking it straight for me, squealing wildly as it goes.

“Oh my god!” I yelp, jumping. “It’s a pig!”

Freja laughs and tries to catch it, but the pig darts straight between me and Clara, zipping to the other side of the room like he’s running laps.

“How is there a pig? Where did you get a pig? Why is there a pig?” I cry out as the pig comes back toward us, it’s little pink legs moving in a rapid blur. “Ahhhhh!”

Freja lunges for it again and face-plants into the carpet, then picks herself up and runs after it, grinning like a lunatic as she goes. Since she’s no help, I grab Clara and make her pay attention to me.

“Clara. Tell me. Why is there a pig here and where did it come from?”

She grins at me. “I’ve always wanted a pig. You know this. We got it from the farm.”

“Clara! You’re in big, big trouble!” I turn to look at Freja as she chases the pig under her bed. “You’re in trouble too! You can’t steal a pig!”

“We didn’t steal Snarf Snarf!” Freja yells back, her voice muffled as she’s now halfway under the bed with only her legs sticking out.

“Yeah, the farmer gave him to us,” Clara says, putting her hands on her hips. “He said it was a gift to the princesses of his fair country.”

“Oh, he did not say that.”

“He did too! He wanted us to have Snarf Snarf. He said he’ll always stay this size. They’re called teacup pigs.”

“There’s no such thing. He’s already bigger than a teacup and they all grow bigger, much bigger than this. Clara, Freja, you know that you can’t keep him.”

“Yes we can!” Clara yells, running over to Freja and joining her under the bed. “Come on Snarf Snarf, we’re your friends, we’ll protect you from her.”

“From me?” I exclaim. “It’s your father you have to worry about.”

There’s another squeal and then the girls yell and the pig manages to squeeze between them and goes back to running around the room. I put my head in my hands and sigh. For crying out loud. “I don’t even know how your father’s not hearing this right now,” I mumble.

“He’s drunk,” Clara says matter-of-factly. I look at her in surprise as she extricates herself from under the bed and straightens out her nightgown.

“Drunk?”

She nods. “He was acting weird at dinner and I heard Maja tell him he was drunk and he should go to his room. It was kind of funny, it was like he was in trouble.”

“Does this happen often?” I ask, not wanting to pry but also … wanting to pry.

She shrugs. “Sometimes. Don’t worry, he’ll let us keep Snarf Snarf.”

I watch as Freja continues to run around the room. I know Aksel says he’ll do anything for them but I’m pretty sure this is drawing the line. First they become vegetarians, then they guilt a farmer into giving them a pig. Pretty sure I’m going to get the blame for this.

Unfortunately, if Aksel is drunk, then he’s sleeping right now, and even if I woke him, I don’t want to deal with a drunk king and a pig situation. I have to wonder though, what he’d even be like if he was drunk. I have a hard time imagining him unbuttoned and unhinged in any way.

No, I’m sure he’s just a mean drunk since he’s a fairly mean person in general. Best I stay away from that scenario.

Which means, of course, that we’re going to have to deal with Snarf Snarf until the morning.

God, I’m already calling the pig by its name.

“Okay, well you girls can’t sleep if there’s a pig in your room,” I tell them. “Maybe we can put him in the bathroom, that way if he makes a mess, it’s easy to clean up.”

“He’s already had a huge crap in the closet,” Clara says helpfully, and I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. It’s not funny because I know someone has to clean it up but it’s still a hell of a sentence.

“Okay, well,” I say, trying not to giggle still. “Come on. Let’s try and herd him into your bathroom. Then I’ll get some water for him.”

“And some stuffed animals to cuddle,” Freja says as she zooms past us on Snarf Snarf’s trail.

“Sure. And then you girls sleep in my room with me, okay? That way I don’t have to worry about you.”

“Really?” Clara asks. “Is there room?”

“It’s a big bed,” I tell them. “Now come on, let’s work as a team.”

It ends up taking us about half an hour to actually herd Snarf Snarf into the bathroom, then I ask Clara to run down to the kitchen to get a bowl for him that we can fill with water. There’s no way I’m leaving those two up here alone, they’d probably let him back out in a hot minute.

As per Freja’s request, I also put in her teddy bear (which I’m sure will never be the same come morning) and some towels in case the pig wants to sleep.