A Nantucket Wedding(16)
“I’m afraid that what I would like to do and what I ought to do are different,” she said, her voice trembling.
“Such a lawyer,” Ethan teased, and he pulled her hard against him. He cupped her head in his hand and brought his mouth down to hers. His breath smelled like coffee and cinnamon.
He drew back, gazing into her eyes. “I want to take you to bed.”
“I want that, too,” Jane told him. “But I can’t. This is crazy.” Pushing away from him, she said, “I love my husband.”
“And yet you’d like it if I kissed you again?” Ethan asked.
“Yes,” she answered honestly.
But when he moved toward her she backed away, hitting her arm on the stove. “No. No, I can’t. I’m going to go shower…”
She turned and hurried from the room.
In the privacy of her bedroom, she forced her body through her daily yoga routine. This is good, she thought as she stretched. This was what she needed. Her routine. Being away from home, away from the familiar, had unanchored her.
She loved Scott. Truly. That crazy moment with Ethan was simply displaced lust for something else. She had to talk to Scott again, to make him understand how a child would make their marriage even stronger. She didn’t need to have sex with another man. She needed to have a baby, Scott’s baby. She would make him realize this tomorrow evening, when she was home.
six
It seemed absolutely perfect, even necessary, for the three women to drive to the Wauwinet in Jane’s rented Mini Cooper convertible. Alison sat in the passenger seat, loving the sun on her face and the wind in her hair, as Jane drove along winding Polpis Road.
In the back, Felicity was pouting. When Alison had picked up Felicity after her massage, she’d pointed out that Felicity’s skin was still oily and her dress was clinging to her. Alison suggested that she run the sundress through the wash while Felicity took a quick shower and put on one of Alison’s floaty summer dresses.
Felicity was insulted. She said Alison didn’t approve of Felicity’s clothes, didn’t think her clothes were good enough to wear to lunch at that posh place. Her mother had never understood Felicity’s commitment to living a life centered around saving the environment! After her shower, however, she’d slipped on one of the sundresses, a loose crinkle cotton in azure which Felicity refused to admit looked lovely even though she couldn’t help staring at herself in the mirror. It was difficult, Alison knew, to be pulled between parent and spouse, and Felicity, more than Jane, had always been the child who wanted peace and friendship among everyone she knew. Alison suspected Felicity was trying not to feel guilty about loving this dress.
On the other hand, behind the steering wheel, Jane was practically shining with delight. If Alison didn’t know better, she’d think her older daughter was on some kind of drug. Jane wore an expression of bliss on her face, and Alison didn’t think it was caused by the scenery.
“You’re in a good mood today,” Alison observed.
“Oh, I know,” Jane replied, laughing, not saying why.
Alison suspected she knew the reason: Ethan had undoubtedly flirted with Jane while they made the bread. She remembered the days when she’d been Jane’s age, an old married woman missing the chemical high that a simple smile from a handsome stranger could provide. Even a wolf whistle from construction workers would make her endorphins light up. Alison thought Scott was a wonderful husband, but probably not very romantic.
Well, Alison reminded herself, her daughters were adults, in charge of their own lives, and they had always been their own complete and particular selves, different from each other, different from Alison. She never had known all their secrets and she couldn’t expect to know their secrets now. More than that, she didn’t want to know their secrets.
Jane steered the Mini Cooper off Polpis Road onto the even narrower road to the Wauwinet. Sun flashed through the towering evergreens. They came to the Trustees of Reservations gatehouse, and Jane braked, but the season hadn’t started yet, and no one came out to check for a sticker, so they proceeded slowly over the speed bump and beneath the arching trees and turned into the parking lot of the Wauwinet hotel.
“Look at the flowers,” Jane gushed as they walked up the winding brick path.
They were greeted and led around to the harbor side of the hotel and settled at a table on the porch.
“We won’t have champagne,” Alison told her daughters. “We’ve got to keep our heads clear for shopping this afternoon.”
The waiter came to take their orders. Alison leaned back in her chair and gazed out over the plush green lawn leading to the water. “Isn’t this a gorgeous spot? Can you imagine how fabulous our wedding will be?”
“It’s beautiful here, Mom,” Jane agreed.
White sails skimmed the shining blue waters of the head of Nantucket harbor, where a long golden beach curved into the distance. An extravagant border of rugosa roses, the shrub that grew wild on the island, perfuming the air with its sweet attar, marked the edge of the beach.
“You could get all fantastic here,” Jane mused. “Have David arrive by Viking ship with banners flying.”
“Oh, yes!” Happily, Felicity came out of her gloom. “Or you could be like a princess, Mom, floating in on a boat covered with flowers.”