A Little Bit Sinful(74)

The grave markers lined up in short rows.

She found the one she sought and knelt to the ground. She was quiet for a moment before she began to speak.

“Oh, Rebecca, I fear you would believe I have made such a mess of things. Though I tried very hard I was unable to marry the man you’d selected for me.” She took a deep breath. “But had you seen the truth of George’s character, you never would have selected him. He is not a nice man at all. Oh, he certainly knows how to behave as such, when the situation demands it, but underneath all that charm, he is quite horrid.” She exhaled slowly. “I know you never cared for Justin, you always thought he was so fussy.” Clarissa chuckled. “I think you would feel differently about him now. He’s grown into a wonderful man. And heaven’s above he is so handsome.

“I expected that simply because George had been born of noble blood that that somehow made him a true gentleman. Consequently, I expected the very opposite of Justin simply because he’d been born out of wedlock.” She sighed and smiled. “But Justin Rodale is more of a gentleman than another other man I know. He is so noble and honorable.

“I think you would see how he’s changed. I think you would like him, I hope you would. But it wasn’t just George you were wrong about, Rebecca, it was me.” Clarissa shook her head. “I’ve tried so hard, all these years, to be a lady like you taught me. To be genteel and proper and polite. But I’m none of those things. I’m smart and I’m good with numbers. After Charles died I fired our solicitor and managed the family money by myself. And I did a good job. I’ve even continued in the charade and helped a dear friend with her family’s financial situation.

I’ve hid in darkened corners of a museum and allowed a man to steal a kiss. And I enjoyed it, felt exuberant and alive.” She found herself smiling now as happiness surged through her. “I broke into a hotel, Rebecca! Oh how scandalized you would have been, but I loved every adventurous moment of it.”

She paused a moment, ran her hand over Rebecca’s carved name. “I don’t know that I’ll ever have that love that you and Charles had as I don’t know if Justin will ever love me in return. But there is something in Justin’s eyes, just as you said there would be when I found the right man. I’ve seen it. If I’m completely honest with myself it’s been there in his eyes the whole time.”

How had she missed that? She’d been so consumed with trying to marry George that she’d missed the man standing in front of her. If she wasn’t so damned relieved by the way things had worked out, she’d feel an utter fool. Somehow she’d made all the wrong choices, but ended up in the most perfect situation.

“I do wish you were still here, Rebecca to know me as I truly am and to know my husband. But I no longer feel like I need to live my life as you would have wanted me. I no longer feel as if your standards are the only standards. I’d like to hope that you would love me and would accept him, but even if you didn’t I’d still choose him.”

She was quiet a moment while she stared at the carving of Rebecca’s name until the letters blurred. “I believe I love him,” she said.

“He loves you too,” a voice said from behind her.

Clarissa stood and turned to see Justin standing there with a hand-pulled bunch of pansies in his fist. Tears filled her eyes. “Rebecca loved pansies, they were her favorite.”

“I know. I remember you told me that once.” He closed the distance between them and placed the flowers on Rebecca’s grave.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough.” He took a deep breath. “I came here ready to fight for you, ready to make you come home with me if I had to. I thought you’d left me.”

The tears fell, chilling her cheeks. “Never. No matter what, I’d never leave you.” She smiled up at him. “You were going to make me come home with you?”

“If I had to.”

“I can’t believe you thought I’d left.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t know how you were feeling since last night. Since George—are you certain you don’t want me to kill him?”

She laughed. “Of course not. Though you could have hit him a few more times.”

“I’ve banned him from Rodale’s. He will no longer be using our gaming hell as his cover,” Justin said.

“You did?” She looked up at him, his intense amber eyes, the handsome chiseled jaw. Her husband. “Did you mean what you said?”