A Life More Complete(116)

“You’re wrong. She’s not like that. You’ve made her this way. She’s insecure and vulnerable. You’ve broken her down and made her into someone she’s not. You don’t see it because this is your game. You f*ck with her for fun. Mark my words you’re gonna break her and when you do you’re going to have to deal with me.”

“Is that a threat, Sonfeld?”

“No, bro. It’s a promise.”

“Bring it on *. I’m not afraid of you.” By now I’m standing behind Bob and I clench my eyes shut and cringe at his words. Tyler’s boldness and total disregard still never ceases to shock me.

Addressing me without turning around Bob says, “Sweetheart, you know I love you, but that should be enough right there.” He pushes past Tyler and leaves through the front door without saying another word.

We are standing there staring at each other. The tension in the room so high that I feel like I might burst. I’m filled with apprehension and his posture is already defensive. I can’t bring myself to confront him.

“I don’t appreciate being berated in my own home by your * friend. That was totally uncalled for and completely brought on by your idiotic behavior.” I’m staring at him, completely shocked. I guess I was hoping for a confession, but I should know better. He’d never admit to doing anything wrong especially if it involves an admission to hurting me. “What do you want me to say?” he snaps when I don’t respond.

My voice comes out loud, near a shout, “I want you tell me that you love me! I want you to tell me that you couldn’t be happier and that becoming a father is going to be amazing! That’s what I want you to say! I’ve wanted you to say it for months, but you won’t!”

“You want me to lie?” he screams back. “I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to be a father, but you keep pushing me. I never wanted this.”

My voice grows quiet and I ask, “Would you be here right now if I hadn’t gotten pregnant?”

He stares at me and his lack of response is the only answer I need. He pulls his hand through his hair and storms out of the house leaving me stunned and silent.





---Chapter 38---





I awake on Monday morning feeling like I never slept. I try to ignore how dead I feel inside as I climb onto the treadmill. An hour later I step off without recalling my legs ever moving. I continue to move through the rest of my morning routine with the same trepidation and slow, somber movements. My memory nearly wiped clean with the exception of the dull ache that numbs my entire body. The only memory left is so bold and defined like I am living it over and over every time my eyes close. I can picture Tyler’s hands all over her body and all the insecurities within me boil over. I’m not enough. I’ll never be and I can’t help but think that maybe I’ve reached my breaking point. Maizey said I would know; yet nothing about this seems final. The finality that I thought would light up the sky like the Fourth of July isn’t there.

I show up at work on time but looking disheveled and the exhaustion is written all over my face. The dark circles unable to be covered no matter how much concealer I cake on my face and my swollen, bloodshot eyes give me away. I can chalk it up to pregnancy while at work, but the truth will come out eventually. I can’t hide from it forever.

My phone buzzes and the secretly deluded part of me hopes it is Tyler.

Bob: Call me when you get a chance. Just wanted to see how you’re doing. XOXO

I’d spent the better part of Sunday crying on Bob’s shoulder and eating cookie dough even though he reminded me countless times of the risk of Salmonella. Depression and precarious situations usually caused my appetite to run screaming for the hills, luckily for the baby and me it remained intact this time. Bob went on too many craving runs to count. Tacos from the little joint on the beach, along with guacamole and chips, later turning to strawberry spinach salad with balsamic vinegar and eventually ending the night with apples and peanut butter.

“Why can’t you be my husband?” I whined. “You’re perfect.”

“No I’m not. You just think I am because you love me. It’s hard to see people’s flaws when you love them. Take Tyler for instance, right?”

“Don’t say his name. I just threw up in my mouth,” I said deflecting my hurt with humor.

“What are you going to do? Do you think he’s actually cheating?”