A Knight in Central Park(66)

“A no-brainer?”

“Meaning everyone can see that you’re a pretty woman. You don’t even need a mirror to see that for yourself. Just look into the eyes of the people you pass by and you’ll see them take a second look, stopping to gaze at your smooth skin or your long red hair.”

“’Tis only hair.”

“Exactly. I know what I see, but I have no idea what rests inside of you...in your heart, in your dreams. I know you throw chicken bones about and that you’re too soft with your siblings. You end a chuckle with a snort and you snore most nights. You talk and walk in your sleep...”

A frown creased her brow. “I dare say I do not snore.”

“Afraid so. If it’s any consolation, it’s a very cute snore. I also know you care deeply for your siblings and that nothing in this world could ever tear you away from them.”

Something in his tone caught her attention. This wasn’t about her at all, but about him instead. It wasn’t often that he chattered on so, but ever since they had become “friends“ he had seemed melancholy. He was not the least bit content with being her friend. He wanted more. The thought cheered her immeasurably. Mayhap he was hinting that he would ask her to return with him if she did not have so many responsibilities here.

“I know more about Garrett than I do about you,” he went on. “I know he blames himself for your father’s leaving. But I think Garrett holds a grudge against me, maybe even all men, because in them he sees a bit of his father; a father who left him to be eaten alive with guilt. And Susan,” he rambled on, “an intelligent girl. But do you see how hard she works to get your attention? She believes that if she works hard enough, you won’t leave her as your parents did. And then there’s Rebecca. Anyone can see she’s just plain scared.”

“Are we talking about me,” Alexandra asked, “or my failings as a caretaker? Must you forever remind me that my siblings are all, each in their own way, begging for attention and love? Do you think I dare not yearn for those things, too? You think I do not see the longing in their eyes each night after I’ve worked the fields until my fingers bleed?” Her shoulders sagged, and she knew suddenly why she so seldom stopped to ponder such things. Doing so reminded her of how tired she was and how little good it did to waste time wishing for things that could never be. She wanted more for her siblings. She had dreams of sending them off to London to be educated. She wanted not to see them waste their lives in the fields as she was forced to do after father left with their finances in shambles. “I know they need me,” she said softly, “but I can only do so much. Like Garrett, I, too, yearn to have our father return one day. I imagine him coming over the hill while I harvest the wheat; he sweeps us into his arms and tells us how he could not bear to be away from his family. Every time I used to see a visitor approaching, I prayed that it was him. And when I tuck the children in their beds at night, I lay awake, wondering what went wrong. I do not know why Father left us when he did. I have told Garrett many times ’twas not his doing, but he refuses to believe otherwise.”

“I’m sorry,” Sir Joe said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“When I think of my father,” she said, “do you know what scares me most?”

He shook his head.

“Knowing I still love him, despite his leaving. I prefer to remember my father for the man he once was. I will not soon forget the day he hired a passing troubadour to teach me to read. My mother was a wonderful woman, but it was my father who taught me to be independent, to rely on no one but myself.”

Her shoulders fell slightly before she added, “Garrett has no memory of our mother. And father was too dispirited to leave Garrett with any lasting impression, other than leaving to serve the king when Garrett needed him most. Garrett had only Grandfather and me to teach him about the hardships of life.”

“He’s lucky to have you.”

She smiled. “It was Grandfather who kept our spirits light with stories and song whilst I did my best to keep the crops strong and healthy.”

Sir Joe took her hand and rubbed his thumb against her palm. He was the only man she had ever talked to about such private matters. Her spirits lifted as Sir Joe helped her to remember that things were not so bad. Despite the difficult times, she and Grandfather had managed well.

Her gaze searched his face and settled on his eyes. “I believe I have fallen in love with you, Sir Joe.”