A Hunger for the Forbidden(55)

“Do you really understand that? I keep it on a leash for a reason, Alessia, a very important reason, and I won’t compromise it.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“And still you want to try? You want to be my wife? To let me have a hand in raising our child?”

“Yes. No matter what, you’re the father of my child, Matteo, and there is no revelation that can change that. I don’t want to change that.”

“How can you say that with such confidence?”

“Because no matter what you might have done, you aren’t cruel.”

She leaned in and he took a strand of her hair between his thumb and forefinger. Soft like silk. He wanted to feel it brushing over his skin. Wanted to drown out this moment, drown out his pain, with physical pleasure.

“Am I not?” he asked.

“No.”

“You’re wrong there,” he said. “So very wrong. I am selfish, a man who thinks of his own pleasure, his own comfort, above all else. No matter how I pretend otherwise.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Yes, it is. Even now, all I can think about is what your bare skin will feel like beneath my hands. All I want is to lose myself in you.”

“Then do it.”

His every muscle locked up, so tight it was painful. “Alessia, don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t sacrifice yourself for me!” he roared. “Don’t do this because you feel sorry for me.”

“I’m not.” She took a step toward him. “I want this because I want to be close to you. To know you. To be your wife in every way.” A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “I’m also not opposed to the orgasms you’re so good at giving me. This is by no means unselfish on my part, trust me.”

His skin felt like it was burning. Or perhaps that was the blood beneath his skin. Either way, he felt like he would be consumed by his need. His desire. Passion he swore he would never allow himself to feel.

Emotion he swore he would never feel.

But in this moment with Alessia, her eyes so bright and intense, so honest, he could hold back nothing. Deny her nothing. Least of all this.

She knew the truth, and still she wanted him. Not as a perfect figure, a knight in shining armor, but as the man he was. It was a gift he didn’t deserve, a gift he should turn away, because he had no right to it.

But he had spoken the truth. He was selfish. Far too selfish to do anything but take what was on offer.

“Show me you want me.” His words were rough, forced through his tightened throat. “Show me you still want me.” Those words echoed through his soul, tearing through him, leaving him raw and bleeding inside.

Alessia wrapped one arm around his neck, her fingers laced in his hair, and put the other on his cheek. She pressed a kiss to his lips, soft, gentle. Purposeful. “Always.”

There was no hope of him being noble, not now, not tonight. But then, that shouldn’t be a surprise. He didn’t do noble. He didn’t do selfless. And it wouldn’t start now.

He kissed her, deep and hard, his body throbbing, his heart raging. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, reveling in the feel of her. Touching Alessia was a thrill that he didn’t think would ever become commonplace. He had hungered for her touch, for her closeness, for so many years, and he knew his desire for it would never fade.

If anything, it only grew.

He slid his hands down her waist, over her hips, her thighs, and gripped her hard, tugging her up into his arms, those long, lean legs wrapping around his waist as he walked them both to the bed.

Alessia started working on the knot on his tie, her movements shaky and clumsy and all the sexier for it. He sat on the bed, and Alessia remained on top of him, now resting on her knees. She tugged hard on the tie and managed to get it off, then started working at the buttons on his shirt.

He continued to kiss her, deep and desperate, pushing her dress up, past her hips, her waist, her breasts, and over her head. Her lips were swollen from kissing, her face flushed, her hair disheveled from where he’d run his fingers through it.

She looked wild, free, the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. But then, Alessia had been, from the moment he’d seen her, the most beautiful sight he’d ever beheld. And then, when his vision of her had been one of innocence, protectiveness, it had been all about that glow that was inside of her.

He could see it, along with the outer beauty that drove him to madness. Now that their lives, their feelings, had no more innocence left, he could still see it. Still feel it deep inside of him, an ache that wouldn’t ease.