A Headstrong Woman(128)
“Yes, truthfully I am; my first husband was interested only in my mothering and housekeeping abilities,” Alexandria answered honestly. “My marriage to him was miserable and,” Alexandria paused considering her next words, “I came to my marriage to Jonathon still innocent.”
Alana nodded her understanding and honestly wasn’t surprised. Despite being a married woman with a child on the way Alexandria exuded and innocence that came from having known only one man. Alana was thrilled for her; she wished she had been allowed that opportunity herself.
“Lexie, may I call you Lexie?” Ali requested.
“Please,” Alexandria nodded.
“Lexie, fear only holds us back from life. Whether it’s the fear of loving and not being loved in return, fear for our children…it’s like a debilitating disease that eats at our peace. I know because I lived bound, gagged, and bondage to fear for years.
“Perhaps I’ll share my whole story with you sometime but for now let me say this. I had been hurt, physically, emotionally, and mentally. When I found myself running for what I was certain was my life I swore I would never get close to another person again. I really intended to stand by that.”
“Jonathon admitted that he loves me this morning and has for some time and I got a glimpse of what it would mean to lose him when the tornado came through…I’ve never been in love, Ali; I know I love him as a friend but I don’t know if I’m in love with him.”
“You asked how I knew I was in love with Colton, I don’t know if there’s an easy answer to that but I can tell you that he alone was able to reach in past the wall of defense I had built for myself. After the things I had been through I didn’t think I could ever love a man or feel desire for an intimate relationship but Colton made me feel those things and then some. At times I almost felt that he could see me better than I could as though he could see my fears, my thoughts,” Alana trailed off as she reflected and Alexandria felt a jolt of recognition run through her. Though her situation and Ali’s had been different, she knew, she could relate to so much of what the other woman was saying. There was certainly no denying that Jonathon affected her in ways no other man had.
“Mommy, can we have some milk and cookies?” Lilly asked from the door to the kitchen. Alexandria smiled as she stood to fix the kids milk.
“Come on in,” Alexandria invited. “Thank you, Ali,” Alexandria added.
“Glad I could help,” Ali smiled at her friend.
***
Jonathon held Alexandria as she fidgeted in her sleep. He was aware that she’d had trouble getting to sleep and even now she didn’t seem to be resting. She whimpered and Jonathon pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.
“No,” Alexandria whimpered.
“It’s okay, Alexandria,” Jonathon whispered in her ear.
“Jonathon!” she cried out.
“I’m right here,” he tried reassuring her.
“No,” she repeated as she began sobbing.
“It’s just a bad dream,” Jonathon wished she would wake up.
“Please don’t go,” she pleaded.
“Alexandria, I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her.
“Please don’t go, Jonathon, I love you,” she sobbed. Jonathon crushed Alexandria to him. He knew she wasn’t aware of what she’d said, not on a conscious level but his heart lifted at her words. Jonathon kissed her forehead, her cheek, and then her lips. He found Alexandria blinking at him when he pulled back.
“You were having a nightmare,” he informed.
“You were leaving,” she told him with a shudder.
“Listen to me, Alexandria, I love you and I’m not going anywhere,” he informed her before he kissed her. Alexandria clung to him as she kissed him back.
***
Alexandria woke to the sun pouring through the window and an empty bed. She frowned as she sat up before spotting a note on the bedside table. It was folded in half with her name scrawled across it in Jonathon’s familiar writing. She smiled as she unfolded the paper.
Alexandria,
I thought you could use the rest after last night and let you sleep in. Don’t worry about Lilly; she’s being my little helper. Relax for a while. Love you
Jonathon
P.S. I’m not going anywhere!
Later that day, Alexandria stood still while her mother measured her for the dress she would wear in her sister’s wedding. She had not yet shared her pregnancy with her family and decided now was the perfect time to do so.