A Dishonorable Knight(94)
Though drowsy from mead and their lovemaking, Gareth stayed awake long after Elena fell asleep. He had felt responsible for their first night together and had worried that he had coerced her into doing something she otherwise would not have done. But there was no denying that she had initiated tonight's passions. Gareth smiled and pressed a kiss to Elena's forehead as a thought occurred to him. Why had he worried so about their first night together? When had he ever been able to convince--much less coerce--Elena into doing something she did not want to do? That led to a greater question: Why had Elena given herself to him?
For his part, he was not complaining. He would drink in her scent, the feel of her skin, the curve of her body. He would absorb every nuance of her expression and memorize every feature of her face as well as every word she uttered because he was dreadfully sure that he loved her. He loved her in spite of, and perhaps because of, her stubborn willfulness and her blatant self-centeredness. He loved her because she had risked her life to warn him of the abbess; because she had refused to grant him quarter in any of their arguments; because he had never felt so comfortable in another person's company than he had yesterday while roaming the streets of Aberystwyth. He loved her even though once they returned to England she would disappear into the untouchable realm of the ladies-in-waiting; even though he would be forced to watch her marry the despicable earl; even though he would then participate in the destruction of her comfortable world. Another stone settled on Gareth's shoulders and he pulled Elena even closer to him, wishing there was a way he could take her back to Eyri Keep. He would marry her in an instant if he thought she would be content to be the wife of a mere knight, but while she had made expressly clear that she wanted him in her bed tonight, she had never even intimated that she wanted him to wed.
Gareth swallowed his disappointment as best he could and bent his head to kiss Elena's parted lips. Within seconds, she stirred and sleepily returned his kiss. Gareth's body, unburdened by the weight on his soul, immediately leapt into a state of arousal. As he moved on top of her, the covers they would not need to stay warm slipped to the floor.
Chapter 19
Elena opened her eyes to the late morning sun pouring in the small, high window. She stretched lazily, feeling like a cat full of cream and napping in the sunlight, so content was she. Gareth's warm back was pressed against her side and she rolled over, sliding her arm around his waist and pressing her breasts to his warm skin as images of the past night flashed through her mind. A smile warmed her lips as she thought of the heretofore unguessed-at pleasures Gareth had treated her body to. Never again would she be able to hear a young bride warned against the unpleasantness of the wedding night without laughing. Unpleasantness indeed!
The thought of a wedding night dimmed Elena's smile. Once again she worried she would not be able to convince Richard to break her betrothal to Brackley. She had thought to beg him to betroth her to Lord Edgeford, but the thought of marriage to the pasty young lord was suddenly as distasteful as that to Brackley had been.
Elena's hand eased itself down along Gareth's hip, her nails absently scratching the muscled thigh. She inhaled sharply, a vision of herself as the lady of Eyri Keep filling her mind, and this time she did not fight it. Unbidden, a series of images paraded through her head: the keys of Eyri Keep at her belt as she instructed servants on the renovations of the stone lodging; Enid and she laughing at the antics of Gareth and Cynan as they played with children (Children? a disbelieving voice in her head asked); Gareth coaxing the peasants at her parent's estate into producing more than her father had ever been able to wheedle; endless nights spent just like the previous one.
Elena sighed. She had never in her life experienced uncertainty. Fear, yes--had not the last month taught her that emotion well?--but never uncertainty. She had no idea how she would even go about making those visions reality. From his derision of her engagement, she was most certain Gareth would insist on loving his wife and she really had no idea if he cared for her in that way at all. She had been making men fall in love with her since she was barely a woman with a smile here, a look there, but Gareth was different from all those men. Had she not had that very thought a hundred times before? He was different and she wasn't sure she could make him love her as she had all those others. She was beginning to realize that what she had heretofore thought of as love was in fact nothing more than empty infatuation.
Elena pressed her lips to Gareth’s warm, smooth back. The wild thought that she should simply admit her feelings to him and propose marriage made her heart pound so that she feared he would feel it beating against his back. No, she could do that! Perhaps if she implied that since he had taken her virginity, he was not obligated to marry her.