A Dishonorable Knight(85)

As Gareth held the door open for her, he said, "You don't care much for children, do you?"

"Hmm?" Elena said, still thinking of the last book she had read with its glorious illumination. That had been the most expensive book her father had ever purchased, costing more than three new court dresses. At the time, Elena hadn't been sure the book had been worth giving up the gowns, but she had managed to convince her doting father that she needed the book and the clothes, so she had been happy.

Gareth repeated his question and she turned her attention to him. She shrugged and said, "I don't see much point in them."

Gareth laughed. "No point except to populate the world."

"Well, besides that, of course. I know I must have them some day, but I haven’t been around them. I was an only child, you see, and children are not kept at court."

Gareth was silent for several seconds as they walked down the narrow street. "Elena, you know we may have created a child last night." She did not respond and continued looking in the shop windows they passed on the widening street, trying to think of herself with a child. Gareth’s child.

"Elena?"

She stopped in front of a window in which their figures were clearly reflected in the many thick panes of glass. Elena stared at her reflection for a moment and then turned to face Gareth.

"I'm sure we didn't."

"How can you know." Gareth's eyes widened with embarrassment and he stammered, " I mean…”

Turning to Gareth, she saw the concern on his face and she forced a smile. "Don't worry."

"I'm not worried. I--" Gareth pushed his hair out of his eyes impatiently. "I just want you to know that if you were...with child, I would marry you and, well, take care of you both."

Elena felt her heart lurch. That he would mention marriage not three hours after she envisioned him as her husband was startling. But she did not want a marriage based on obligation. She wanted him to want to marry her. Or, at least, she thought she did. She was still so confused over what exactly she did feel for this frustrating man.

Needing to not think for a while, she dismissed his concern with a breezy, “Let’s not fill this beautiful day with worries of any sort. I want to see all the sights this quaint city has to offer." Taking his hand, she squeezed it and pulled him after her as she turned a corner and headed for the center of town, acting as if she had firmly put all thoughts of their lovemaking and subsequent conversation about it out of her head.

***

For Gareth, he could not stop thinking about the subject. Now that the subject had come up, there were so many things he wanted to ask her: did she regret that it had happened? Did she feel anything at all for him, because he was fairly certain now that he loved her. Gareth wished he had Cynan's brashness when it came to blurting out whatever came to mind, but fear of what she might think of him for asking those questions, and fear of what she might answer kept him quiet. Fear! An emotion he had scorned to indulge in since he was in leading strings.

As if they truly were brother and sister, he held her hand as she climbed up steps, answered her endless questions about Aberstwyth, and bought her food when she was hungry.

They spent the entire day traipsing through the shops of Aberstwyth, even talking about their childhood and families, but Gareth never got over the feeling that they were avoiding the most important topic and that was their feeling toward one another. Finally, as their feet were sore and their legs weary from so much walking, they discovered the book seller's shop, only to find it had closed for the night.

"Is that not just my luck," Elena said dejectedly as they sat on a carved log strategically placed in front of the shop.

"We have all of tomorrow free. We'll come back and you can browse to your heart's content."

"Really? Don't you have business to attend to? I mean, some sort of plan to work out or something."

Gareth valiantly ignored the twinge of guilt at lying to Elena as he said, "I told you, I've decided not to join their cause, after all. I'm just returning to England, the same as you."

"Well, I know, but don't you have to convince everyone here that you won't betray their intents?"

"No," Gareth said, more sharply than he had intended. "They know that whatever my feelings, I won't betray their lives. With or without a few Welshmen, Henry and Richard will come to battle. All I can do is return to my king and offer what service I can."