A Dishonorable Knight(79)
"Not even if you asked for her help?" Morgan asked, eyeing Gareth speculatively.
Gareth looked sharply at his father, exasperated with himself for his adolescent fear of discovery. Deciding to ignore his father's unspoken questions, he shook his head. "I can't do that, Da. She is here now because of a quirk of fate. Because she rode the wrong way on that blasted road after Richard's party was attacked. If she'd had her way, she would have spent these past weeks in the luxury of court, being pampered and flirting with the courtiers." Gareth felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of Elena flirting with the wealthy, handsome men of Richard's court, but he continued. "We simply can't ask her to make that sacrifice."
His father gazed steadily at him for a long moment and Gareth focused his attention on his meal, willing his expression not to reveal his feelings for Elena.
“You and see seem to get along well.”
Gareth nearly choked on a crust of bread. Reaching for a tankard, he washed it down and scowled at his father. “Well enough.”
“Perhaps more than well enough, I’m inclined to say.”
“More than well enough for what?” Gareth asked sharply, but God help him, he knew.
“What if you married Lady Elena. Your loyalties would be hers and we need not worry about—“
“No!” Though the idea had sprouted in the back of his mind since awakening with Elena in his arms, he could not abide the idea of manipulating her into marriage simply to aid Lord Stanley’s plans. Not when his own feelings were engaged. Elena would never willingly marry a man of his station. She had made clear many times what she sought out of life and that was position, wealth, and security. Security he could give her—with his life, if need be. Wealth he had enough, at least enough to keep her well fed, well clothed, well sheltered, though perhaps not as lavishly as Elena hoped for. But position was a tenuous thing in Wales, and soon all of England if Henry Tudor’s plans came to fruition. He knew how important such a thing was to Elena and he would not risk her compromising her dreams.
Liar, hissed a voice in the back of his head. What you would not risk is your heart, should you lay it before her and have her rejected. Coward!
Gareth shook his head and clenched his jaw, ignoring the thought. When he spoke, his voice was low and harsh. “Elena is most enamored of her position at court. She would not give it up for life as mistress of a Welsh keep.”
"But if we assured her she would have a place in Henry’s court--"
"No!" Gareth said more forcefully than he had planned. "Henry won't lose this war without Elena's help and we both know there's every chance we'll be completely crushed. If that should happen, I would not have Elena then be termed a traitor and put to death."
"Alright son, alright. We need not ask her assistance." Morgan watched his son tear almost savagely into his bread. "Gareth?"
Much calmer now that his anger was spent, Gareth smiled apologetically at his father and said, "Yes?"
"I'm not questioning your loyalty to me and this cause, for I know you would lay down your very life once you have committed yourself to something."
"But?" Gareth prodded.
"No buts, I just want to know your feelings."
Gareth was confused and he frowned as he asked, "About what?"
Morgan lifted his hand in an encompassing gesture. "About this whole venture. I believe in Henry Tudor's claim, as do your friends, and I know that you are fighting for Wales. But I've yet to hear you say you think we will be victorious. Do you think Richard will crush us?"
Gareth saw the concern on Morgan's face and sighed, tossing the bit of bread he was about to eat back onto the table. "I don't know, Da. Richard has many enemies in England, but he has managed to purchase or cajole or win over many powerful allies as well. And Henry has to get here, gather his troops, and get them to England. I don't know," he repeated as he leaned back on the rickety wooden chair, lifting its front legs off the floor and balancing precariously on the back two. Three men of his own age came down from the upstairs room where they had spent the night. They nodded good morning to Gareth and his father and made their way down the hall to the shop.
Gareth dropped his chair back onto all four legs and turned to face his father, noting the worried look on his father's face. He immediately felt remorseful for his doom saying. "You can't place much faith in my ramblings. In fact, don't listen to me--I'm a green knight with little war experience. I guess I'm still uncomfortable with this whole spying idea."