A Different Kind of Forever(68)

“Well, this can’t be the real world for him, either, can it? I mean, isn’t he usually doing something other than catering to your every whim? Doesn’t he tour or record or make videos or something?”

“Yes. Right now he’s working on a score for a movie. He’ll probably be going up to Toronto in the next few weeks. For a month or so, he thinks.”

“So, you won’t be able to see him all the time anyway, right?”

Diane shrugged. “We haven’t really figured that out. He says he’ll fly back. I could go up on weekends”

“There, see, aren’t you glad I’m back? I’ve solved all your problems for you in half a drink.”

Diane shook her head. “I don’t know what to do about Quinn. Until I met Michael, I kept hoping he would divorce his wife, come back here and sweep me off my feet. Apparently he has divorced her, and he’s on his way back. Now what do I do?”

“My dear woman,” Marianne said severely, “You’ve already been swept. Don’t get greedy.”

“You know how I felt about Quinn,” Diane said. “He was everything I ever wanted.”

“What’s Michael?”

“Michael is more,” Diane said softly. “He’s wonderful, but let’s face it, he’s almost twenty years younger than I am. How much longer can this possibly last?”

“Have you asked him?”

Diane stared down at the linen tablecloth. “He says there’s no reason we can’t have a future together. He just hasn’t exactly figured out what it would be like, and neither have I.”

“Well maybe it’s time you did, especially if he’s going off to Toronto. How would you feel if he got lonely up there and latched on to somebody else?”

Diane gaped at her friend. “Michael? He would never do that.”

“How the hell do you know? You’re sitting here, trying to decide if you should make a run at some man you met two years ago, just in case the whole Michael thing takes a dive. How do you know he’s not thinking the same thing about some cute little Canadian groupie he met up there?”

“He would never walk away from what we’ve had for the past three months,” Diane said indignantly. “He’s in love with me.”

“And you aren’t in love with him. How long do you think he’s going to be happy with that?”

“Shit,” Diane said softly.

“Amen to that.” Marianne signaled the waiter, who came and took their order. They sat quietly for a few more minutes. Diane chewed her lip thoughtfully.

“So I guess it’s time to fish or cut bait, huh?” Diane asked at last.

“It might not be a bad thing, you know. Wouldn’t you like to know where this is going?”

Diane shook her head. “No. And this is so unlike me. You know how I am about stuff. Although the phrase ‘control freak’ rarely comes up in conversation with my close friends, I like knowing exactly where things are going, and how, and why. I think I love him. I really do. I feel like a kid with my head in the clouds. But what if I’m not? Does that mean it will all end? I don’t want this to end.” She ran her fingers up and down the stem of her glass. “He’s in my head all the time. He crowds out so much. Maybe it’s a good thing he’ll be gone, because I don’t know how I could concentrate on anything with him right there. I feel like it’s him and then everything else. But the everything else is my life. It’s my job and my house, picking up the girls after school, doing laundry. I don’t know how I’d say no to him because of something I had to do for Emily. I’d hate it.”

“Don’t you think you’re not giving him enough credit?” Marianne leaned forward, covering Diane’s hand with her own. “He’s not a selfish person, is he? Surely he would understand your choices.”

Diane sighed. “It’s not about him. He’s very generous. Of course he’d understand. He makes no demands on me, Marianne, even when I know that maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m doing, or why. He never questions me, never tries to talk me out of anything. It’s me. I’m projecting, I guess. Isn’t that the current psycho-babble? He doesn’t ask things of me, but I feel the need to change for him. For his happiness, or comfort. It’s scary. It’s confusing. I don’t know how to get my mind around it.”

The waiter appeared, setting their plates in front of them. Diane cut her burger in half and began eating, slowly and carefully. Marianne watched her.