A Different Kind of Forever(61)

“You’re trying to pick a fight,” he continued. “I had never met that woman before, and will never see her again, and you’re trying to make something out of it. If anyone has a reason to be jealous, it’s me, not you.”

She stared at him. “What have you got to be jealous about?”

“Your old boyfriend is coming back, isn’t he? In a couple of weeks?”

“Who are you talking about?” she asked, angrily.

“The Englishman. Harris.”

Diane clamped her jaw. “He has nothing to do with this.”

“And what the hell has Janice to do with anything? I didn’t spend three minutes with her and decide I wanted to spend the rest of my f*cking life with her, as you apparently did with Harris. It’s funny, we’ve been together every day for weeks and you can’t figure out if you’re in love with me or not, but you made up your mind about him quick enough.”

“I told you that was a long time ago.”

“Not so long, Diane. Only two years ago. Were you in love with him?”

She chewed her lip. “Yes.”

“Did you f*ck him?”

“No.”

“Did you want to?”

“Yes.” She looked at him, her eyes blazing. “Yes, I wanted to. I wanted to go off to London and marry him. I fantasized about bringing up the girls in England. I used to imagine terrible things happening to his wife so we could be together.” The words were coming faster now. “I thought that if I could spend the rest of my life with him, I’d never ask for another thing. When I made up my mind not to see him anymore, I spent two days in my room crying. If I saw him on campus, I’d have to run in the other direction because it hurt so much. After he left, I actually bought a ticket to London so I could fly after him. When I cancelled the ticket, I was drunk for a night and a day. Is that what you want to hear, Michael? How much I wanted Quinn Harris?”

“Do you still want him?” Michael’s voice was quiet, his face pale.

“I’m with you, Michael,” she said softly.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“No,” she said tiredly. “I guess it doesn’t.” She stood up and walked across the room, staring out the window.

“Quinn was like a dream come true,” she said softly. “He was kind and thoughtful and charming and brilliant, really brilliant. It wasn’t just who he was that I fell in love with, but what he represented, the kind of life I could have had with him. It was the kind of life I had always thought I wanted. Until I met you. Now I don’t know what I want.”

She turned and looked at him, taking a deep breath. “I never imagined I could be happy with somebody like you. Not just the age thing, but everything about you is just so different from what I’ve been planning for the rest of my life. Do I still want Quinn? How can I? What I feel when I’m with you is so far removed from anything I imagined with Quinn. It’s like wanting to walk and then learning to fly. It’s overwhelming. It makes everything in my head so much harder to figure out.” She hugged herself tightly. “I don’t know if I love you, Michael, but I know I can’t lose you. I couldn’t stand it. When I saw you with Janice the other night and thought that maybe you might want somebody younger, I felt so awful, God, this huge empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.” She spun around, spreading her arms wide, laughing shakily. “I just spent about three hundred dollars to look younger and sexier so you won’t leave me.”

He was watching her. “I’m not going to leave you, Diane,” he said carefully. “You know, my father never found another woman after my mother died. He said that she had been his great love, and he wanted no other. I believe in that. I believe that you can find one person to love forever. And I love you.”

“I know.” She nodded and hugged herself again. She chewed her lip. “Do you think we have a future, Michael?”

He pushed his hands into his front pockets and leaned back against his desk. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“I think about it, that’s all. When you’re my age, I’ll be retired. I’ll probably be a grandmother. You could still have a great career going, I mean, look at people like McCartney and Jagger, they’re in their sixties. When you’re in your sixties I’ll be in a walker, going to the MTV Awards hooked up to oxygen. Do you ever think about that stuff?”