A Deal with the Elf King (Married to Magic, #1)(92)

“Perhaps you could tell my healers of this knowledge from the Natural World. I need any assistance I can get.”

“I’d be happy to make it for you myself, if the supplies are here.”

“Your Majesty—”

“Just Luella, please,” I remind her, not for the first time.

“Luella,” she says sheepishly. “I wouldn’t want to trouble you.”

“It wouldn’t trouble, it would delight me.” I beam.

“It’s best not to fight her when she’s made up her mind,” Eldas adds with a small smile. I remember not too long ago helping others was “beneath me” as the queen. Now, it’s unquestioned.

“Then perhaps after dinner I will show you the healer’s laboratory.” Carcina rests her hand on mine. “Thank you, Luella.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Dinner is an intimate affair. Since Harrow and Sevenna have yet to arrive, we adjourn to a smaller, more informal dining room that I first caught a glimpse of on our way to the lounge. It reminds me of the first dinner Eldas and I shared.

Usually, the thought of that dinner would have me fighting lingering fantasies of him pushing me up against a hearth. But not tonight. Worry for Harrow and what could’ve held him up nags the back of my mind.

However, selfishly, I am grateful for the absence of Sevenna. It gives me an opportunity to get to know Carcina and Drestin. And for them to get to know me without Sevenna’s opinions poisoning the air.

After dinner, the men decide on a nightcap while Carcina and I make our escape to the Westwatch laboratory and gardens. It gives the brothers an opportunity to catch up, and me the chance to find my way to the stash of healing supplies in Westwatch. Paranoia has now taken residence in the back of my mind as there’s still no word from Harrow.

Something is wrong and the air is thick with whatever it is.

“Here we are.” Carcina lights the lamps of the room with a sweep of her hand and flash of her eyes. Little things about wild magic make me envious of its blatant disregard for logic.

The laboratory is similar to the one in Quinnar. Instead of a conservatory attached, it opens through arched doorways to a terraced garden facing the city of Westwatch. The layout is somewhat different, but a quick sweep of the room yields where the healers here are keeping similar supplies.

“Everything we should need is here,” I say as I poke my nose in cabinets. “I could bring it to you in the morning?”

“I wouldn’t want to leave you alone here.”

“Is it unsafe?” I can’t help but ask.

“We have added extra security for your visit.” She smiles proudly.

“Then it’s fine. I’m used to working alone. It’s how I would work in my shop. My favorite hours were first thing in the morning before anyone could disturb me.”

“Your shop?”

“I had a shop I opened up after I finished academy.” It seems like years ago now. Time twisted as I passed through the Fade. It must pass faster in Midscape because the memories of my worn counters and rough-hewn bowls are leaving my fingers. It seems as though I’ve been in Midscape all along.

The fading of those connections terrifies me. I have to go back. I can’t know who I really am or what I’m feeling until I do.

“I see.” She’s clearly confused, but accepts the remark in stride and doesn’t probe further.

“In any case… If it doesn’t bother you to have me working alone in your healers’ laboratory, I don’t mind doing so. You look tired and need rest.”

“This child hasn’t even come into the world and he’s already sapping my energy and patience.” Her body emphasizes the point with a yawn.

“Go and rest; I’ll have it ready by breakfast.”

“Thank you again, Luella.” She goes to leave but pauses just before. “I didn’t know what to expect of the Human Queen. I admit…I was a bit nervous. But I’m glad that it is you.”

I can think of no response before Carcina excuses herself for the night.

As I work, I try and place the wrenching, restless feeling that’s propelling my hands with frantic purpose. Guilt, I finally realize. I feel guilty. But for what?

For leaving.

I frown at the liquid bubbling in a small cauldron. I have nothing to be guilty over. I’m doing the right thing for both our worlds and for us. I could never stay with Eldas and be happy, not truly, unless I know I’m staying of my own volition.

“Is it more effective when you make that face at it?” Eldas’s voice cuts through my thoughts. My body jerks, startled, and I face him. He’s lounging against a table, arms folded, looking delightfully smug.

“How long have you been there?”

“Long enough to see you work.”

I must’ve been truly lost in my thoughts to not notice Eldas come in.

“And what a sight it is.”

“What?” I say the word on an exhale, already trying to fish out all the complex emotions he’s somehow fit into the small pools of blue that are his eyes. There’s admiration, a note of sorrow, longing, resignation? More I can’t name.

“You were born to do this,” he says.

“You’ve seen me work before.” I run my finger along the top of a jar before putting it away.