A Deadly Influence (Abby Mullen Thrillers #1)(32)

She turned away from Steve and stormed to her son’s room. Please god, anything but this, please please please . . .

“Hi, Mom,” Ben said softly from his bed. Abby barely glanced at him.

There was a new vivarium in the room, and in it, coiled in what could only be described as a nefarious manner, was a yellow-brown snake. Abby glared at it. The snake seemed to glare back with its beady eyes. She was having a staring contest with a reptile. She probably wouldn’t win, but she could damn well try.

The snake would have to go. She was furious at her parents for putting her in this position, making her break Ben’s heart, but there was no way in hell that this thing was staying in her house.

She turned to face her son, bracing herself for the difficult talk. He gazed at her with his typical Ben expression, somehow mixing hope and sorrow together. This always stirred that guilt she carried with her. Because if she’d been able to stomach Steve’s infidelities and stay married to him, Ben would have had both parents at home instead of just his often-absent mother. He would have had a normal childhood and . . . and . . .

Damn it.

Her resolve was like an ice cube floating in a cup of hot tea. A cup of hot Ben’s-sad-stare tea.

“Hi, sweetie,” she said, her voice strangled. “Grandma gave you an early birthday present?”

He nodded. “It’s a corn snake. They’re harmless!” He seemed to be searching for another positive aspect of the snake. “He’s not fussy, he can eat frozen rodents, he doesn’t even need live ones.”

What a wonderful personality trait. She sighed. “Ben . . . I know that you wanted a snake.”

“He’s very curious. And I can hold him. You can hold him if you want. He’s named Pretzel. Because he can make a pretzel shape with his body.”

She exhaled, trying to get the words out of her mouth. The snake was one step too far. It would have to go. Maybe they could get Ben another spider instead.

“The pet store owner said the last family abused Pretzel and finally gave him away.”

Great. The snake came with a sob story. Now, if she made Ben return it, he would always remember poor Pretzel, who never found a home that loved him.

When Ben had become obsessed with superheroes at the age of four, Dr. Rosen, the kids’ therapist, had explained the obvious. Ben was trying to replace his father figure with Iron Man, and Thor, and Captain America. Then Ben switched his superhero obsession to a fascination with invertebrates and Squamata. Dr. Rosen explained that Ben was trying to get closer to his dad, the academic. But Abby preferred to indulge in her own theory: that, realizing his father would never come close to being Captain America, Ben had decided that he could be replaced with something more similar, like a spider or a lizard.

So now Ben had tried to replace Steve with a snake. Abby could relate to that.

“Can I keep him?” Ben asked.

Abby sighed again and sat on the bed next to Ben. “We’ll see, sweetie. I need to think about it.”

Her heart clenched as she watched her son. Eden’s missing child was so close to Ben’s age. She wondered how many times Eden had told Nathan that he couldn’t have something—just like Abby had been meaning to do. And she probably regretted each and every one of those occasions.

Abby wrapped her arms around Ben, hugging him forcefully as if she were trying to squeeze out his precious and sweet Ben juice.

“Mom, you’re hurting me.”

She pulled back. “Sorry. I’m going to talk with your dad now, okay?”

She got off his bed and returned to the living room. She tensed, knowing that if Steve said something snarky or critical right now, she would have to kill him. It was a pity because the NYPD frowned upon cops who killed their ex-spouses. But some things were unavoidable.

Luckily, he just met her eyes, saying nothing. Impressive restraint.

“So where’s Sam?” she asked.

“Just getting her bag ready,” Steve said.

“I’ll pick her up tomorrow night?”

“Sure.”

“Can we talk about Ben’s birthday now?” she asked.

He smiled at her, but a spark of a challenge kindled in his eyes. “Absolutely.”

She sat down next to him so that he wouldn’t need to look up at her. That would only make him defensive. He waited for her to speak. But he was an amateur when it came to waiting. Abby gave him a demure smile.

“I thought this year I could take a more active role in Ben’s birthday,” he finally said. “Usually you plan everything. And I thought we could do something different.”

“Something different,” Abby said encouragingly.

“Ben loves insects and reptiles. Why not do something he really likes for once?”

Abby could think of a dozen reasons. And the words for once were clearly said critically to make it sound like she never did anything Ben really liked for his birthday. No, according to Steve, Abby just made Ben suffer on his birthday, perhaps by making him do more homework that day or purposefully feeding him broccoli.

The words rose, about to bubble out. That angry tone of hers, reserved only for Steve, settled in her throat.

Taking a deep breath, she recalled Will saying, “Maybe a little less calling him names and listing items he can shove up his ass.”

The thing was, it was hard for her to put her life with Steve aside. The good parts and the terrible parts, they all niggled at her whenever they talked.