A Christmas Night to Remember(30)
‘Nothing.’ Zeke turned as a waitress appeared with a plate of fresh savouries and coffee which he’d obviously arranged to have brought to their box. After tipping the girl handsomely he closed the door after her, enclosing them in their own private little world again. He solicitously plied her with the delicious morsels, and unlike previously his conversation was now easy and amusing, requiring little in response from her.
To her immense surprise Melody found she was enjoying herself in spite of the nerves still making themselves felt in the pit of her stomach. She had dreaded battling her way to the crowded bar in the interval—a place where many of their contemporaries liked to see and be seen—and with that obstacle dealt with, the pleasure of being out on the town after all her weeks incarcerated in the hospital was foremost.
Zeke handed her a cup of coffee, his thigh briefly brushing hers, and immediately she tensed. He was wearing a clean, sharp aftershave that blended well with his own personal male scent, and he had always looked exceptionally good in a dinner suit, his particular brand of hard, rugged sexiness emphasised by the formal attire. ‘This is nice,’ he said in a contented murmur, his brawny shoulder against hers.
It was. Too nice. Melody said nothing and the comfortable silence changed, becoming uncomfortable. Still she didn’t break it. Zeke sipped his black coffee slowly, his face calm and inscrutable. She had no idea what he was thinking. Not that she ever had. The thought troubled her with its truth and she chewed it over, worrying at it like a dog with a bone.
Was it because he deliberately kept his thoughts from her and because he was enigmatic, private? Or—and here her fingers clenched on her coffee cup—because she had never taken the time to find out his innermost feelings and desires? She had been so occupied with her career, with making good, surviving in the glitzy, showy world they inhabited, that she’d been content to skate on the surface of their marriage while everything had been easy and harmonious. Her amazement that he had chosen her as his wife, that it was all too good to be true, had induced a feeling that she must be careful not to rock the boat and it had been simpler not to delve too deeply.
Children, for instance. She glanced at his chiselled profile, her heart thudding. When they’d spoken of a family she had sensed he wanted children soon, but she’d never really talked to him about that, preferring to relegate it to somewhere in the hazy future. From the way he’d spoken earlier, when the two little Japanese girls had prompted things, it was clear he wanted to be a father—probably needed to create a family unit more than most men due to his upbringing. He would want to give his own children everything he’d never had. Why had she never realised that before?
Because she hadn’t taken the time to consider; she had been too busy keeping up with how she felt the wife of Zeke James should be. It symbolised everything which had been wrong in their relationship before the accident and most of it was down to her. But it had been impossible to bring her insecurities into the open because they’d been buried too deep, locked way in the small, scared child part of herself. But she wasn’t a child any more. She was a grown woman, and she had to come to terms with her buried fears and emotions before she could function properly as a person, let alone a wife.
She was a mess. Melody sipped at her coffee as tears pricked the backs of her eyes. Zeke didn’t deserve to be landed with a nutcase like her. He wouldn’t divorce her. He’d made his commitment and he would never go back on it—that was the sort of man he was. So it was up to her to end things and let him find happiness in the future with someone who was his equal—something she’d never felt from day one.
When his hand moved her face to look at him she was too late to blink away the tears. He surveyed her steadily, his black eyes velvet-soft, but the solid strength that had first attracted her was very evident. ‘It will be all right.’ His thumbs brushed away the telltale moisture. ‘Now you’re back with me everything will slot into place, you’ll see.’
She shook her head very slightly. ‘No, Zeke. It won’t.’
He looked at her gravely. ‘Do you seriously think your scars will have any impact on my love for you? Apart from increasing my admiration for the way you’ve fought to overcome your injuries? Just how shallow do you think I am?’
‘I don’t think you’re shallow.’ She swallowed hard. ‘And I’ve come to realise this is about me, not you. I should never have married you. I shouldn’t have married anyone—not until I knew myself. Not until I understood where my problems were.’