A Chance This Christmas(41)
Instead, she’d revealed her deepest emotions, shared everything with him. In doing so, she’d sent him running. Maybe he’d felt suffocated. Maybe he hadn’t really wanted anything more than one night. She couldn’t possibly know for sure. But his decision to hit the mountain for a snowboard run instead of staying to kiss her good morning made it apparent that he didn’t reciprocate all those feelings she had for him. So now all she had to show for her efforts was a heart shattering into a million pieces on the bathroom floor.
*
Determined to stuff down all her hurt about Gavin, Rachel kept a smile pasted on her face as she stared out the window of the bridal room off the church nave. The small parlor, decorated in butterscotch yellow with hints of blue, was a convenient place for the florist to drop off the bouquets or nervous brides to make a last-minute bathroom trip. There was a vanity with good lighting where two of Kiersten’s attendants worked on last-minute touches refining their makeup. She looked stunning in the lace and tulle gown, her makeup and hair perfect, her skin glowing with good health. The bride leaned over her bouquet of crimson roses and poinsettias, inhaling the scent with a dreamy smile on her face.
Rachel couldn’t be happier for her, and Diana, Heidi, and Emma—the ladies who were part of the ceremony—had warmly welcomed Rachel. It would have been an ideal day if not for the fact that Gavin had snowboarded away with Rachel’s heart this morning. She felt the ache of her empty chest like a heavy weight inside her. She wanted to put her hands there, over the spot where her heart should be, in an effort to hold herself together.
She’d been looking out the window into the parking lot off and on for the last twenty minutes, wondering if she’d catch a glimpse of Gavin in his tuxedo. The thought of seeing him in the church in his best man role felt like more than she could bear. But she had to. She’d fought all week for some semblance of acceptance from her hometown so she could be here for Kiersten. She wouldn’t chicken out now.
“The dresses are all gorgeous!” Emma announced from her spot in front of the full-length mirror close to where Rachel stood. “You are a miracle worker.”
Emma’s bridesmaid gown showcased Rachel’s most dramatic change of the three. The bodice was completely different and so much more flattering. The new dart along the hip helped define Emma’s curves.
“You look beautiful,” Rachel told her honestly, peering around the room at each lovely woman present. A mix of emotions clogged her throat, but she swallowed them down. “You all do.”
Her voice broke a little.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” Kiersten rushed closer, setting aside her bouquet to take Rachel’s shoulders in her cool hands. “What’s wrong?”
Why was it a good friend could see right through all your social posturing and fake smiles? Kiersten’s concerned gaze made it all the more difficult to pretend everything was okay. Still, Rachel shook her head, unwilling to spoil her day.
“It’s fine. Everything’s fine.” She forced a smile. “I’m just so glad I got to be a part of your big day.”
“Me too.” Kiersten hugged her before she started rearranging a few of the floral bouquets for some informal photos on her camera.
Two of her bridesmaids helped her, offering suggestions on artful arrangements of rose petals along the vanity table. But Luke’s sister, Emma, remained behind, her gaze still on Rachel.
“Something’s wrong,” Emma announced, keeping her voice low. “What is it?”
Rachel hesitated.
“I’m not buying that those are happy tears.” Emma passed her a tissue. The concern in her voice was genuine.
Checking to make sure the bride was still distracted with taking photos, Rachel decided to confide in her. Emma had been up front and honest with Rachel, after all. She deserved the same in return.
“I’m worried about Gavin and me.” She got the words out with an effort. Talking about it made his defection feel too real. “I thought things were going so well, but now… I don’t know.”
“He looked so happy last night,” Emma whispered back. “I saw you dancing together and he couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
“That was before—” She wouldn’t share intimate details of her broken relationship. “That is, I think I scared him off by taking things too seriously. I shared my feelings with him, and his response was to go snowboarding.”
“My brother goes to the driving range sometimes when he’s got a lot on his mind,” she volunteered, winding a comforting arm around Rachel’s elbow. “Maybe Gavin just needed to clear his head.”
Rachel bit her lip, knowing in her gut that it was more than that. Something was wrong. “I don’t know.”
“Guys don’t always know what to do with their feelings.” Emma shot a glance toward the bride as if to make sure the conversation was still private. “My mom says it’s like a foreign language to my father. We speak it all the time, but they don’t. Maybe he didn’t know the right words.”
“I hope you’re right.” Swiping her eyes with the tissue, Rachel wadded it up and tossed it. Her father hadn’t been that way about his feelings, she caught herself thinking. He’d been open. Demonstrative. But, then again, he’d hidden his depression from her his whole life.