yes please(18)
Spike told me he was looking at some similar themes in his new movie Her. What I didn’t know then was how a year later I would watch that beautiful movie about loss and love with my wonderful new boyfriend, Nick Kroll. I would watch the scene where Joaquin Phoenix reads an apology letter he writes to his ex-wife, and I would cry for all the things behind me and all the things yet ahead. Spike offered to connect me to Marianne, and I gratefully agreed.
Then he sent me this:
From: Spike Jonze
Date: March 11, 2013
To: Amy Poehler
Subject: Fwd: Hey from Marianne & Chris
I didn’t realize the whole situation.
I’ll leave it in your hands.
I’m sorry, Amy.
Being a grown-up is hard.
Marianne is an awesome woman. I’m sure you guys would get along great if you met in a different situation.
big hugs
x
On March 11, 2013, Leone, Marianne wrote:
From: Marianne Leone
Date: March 11, 2013
To: Spike Jonze
Subject: Re: Hey from Marianne & Chris
Yeah, I was furious at the skit she did on SNL and wrote her a letter to tell her. The skit was a gratuitously cruel slap at disability which wasn’t funny in the least. What made it so, so horrible was that she was talking about the Somoza twins and the script I wrote about their lives. It was also the same night Hillary Clinton was on and I knew that Anastasia was watching it with friends, since she was in Texas stumping for Hillary, so I knew she saw herself being parodied in a horrible, unfunny, cruel way. I was doubly insulted for the twins that Poehler never had the class to answer the letter, so, quite frankly, I am glad that it bothered her. (We had our return address on the letter, and, face it, we’re not that hard to find.)
So, Spike, what I feel now is that I, we don’t need an apology from her, but if she wants to make it up to ANASTASIA, she can contribute to her staying at London School of Economics for another year to get her Master’s in Human Rights. Nothing will stop Anastasia. She will effect change in the world.
Love always,
Marianne
I read Marianne’s e-mail and was devastated. I pictured Anastasia watching the show and seeing me make fun of her. I waited almost a month and sent this.
From: Amy Poehler
Date: April 1, 2013
To: Marianne Leone
Subject: Truly sorry
Dear Marianne and Chris,
I am writing to apologize. This is most likely an example of “too little too late” but I am writing to you to apologize for a Dakota Fanning sketch I did on SNL many years ago. It was a sketch that upset you and Anastasia, and one that moved you to write to me.
It has always bothered me that I never contacted you both. I regret that. I spoke of this to Spike and he very nicely connected us. I am grateful to him for giving me this opportunity, and appreciate you taking the time to read this.
I am very sorry for any pain I caused. I apologize for an insensitive portrayal of what was a loving and important project. I am truly sorry for hurting Anastasia in any way.
I do not think it’s funny to make light of disabilities. This is not the kind of person I am or have ever been. The sketch was not written by me. The mean prop used was not seen by me until live on air. In fact, I had no idea that we were referencing a real film. I assumed it was yet another “adult” project that we would joke about Dakota Fanning working on. These are not excuses. I take responsibility for my negligence in understanding the context of what I was saying, but it’s important for me to tell you these details.
Anastasia deserves an apology from me. Feel free to pass this along if you feel that is helpful or send me her email if you deem it appropriate. I visited her Indiegogo page. She is an awesome young woman and I have no doubt she will continue to live an amazing life.
Again, I am sorry. I send my best wishes to you and your family, and my deepest condolences regarding the loss of your son.
Thank you for reading this.
Amy
Rereading it now I notice a few things. I got a little caught up in the facts. I was hoping to defend myself. But it felt really good to try. Apologies have nothing to do with you. They are balloons in the sky. They may never land. They may even choke a bird.
Then I got this.
From: Anastasia Somoza
Date: April 7, 2013
To: Amy Poehler
Subject: Re: Fw: Truly sorry
Dear Amy,
Wow!!!! Oh my goodness, what a lovely surprise!! Thank you so very much for your donation to my campaign launched to raise funds that will hopefully cover the cost of my caretakers in my 2nd year at LSE, and for the kind message you wrote to Marianne and Chris, which they graciously forwarded along to me.
They are two of the most amazingly wonderful, loving people I know and have been incredible supporters of me and my family!! I adore and admire them just as much as I do my own parents, for countless reasons, but most importantly for being a spectacular Mom and Dad duo to gorgeous Jesse!! It is thanks to them, Spike, many more of their closest friends and other fabulous people that I am at LSE today stressing out (like a typical grad student) over first year final papers and comprehensive exams that are fast approaching!
I always knew you never meant to hurt us in doing the skit. After all, you didn’t even know we actually existed so I realized it wasn’t personal. It also certainly helps to know that you weren’t aware of the back story or real life references portrayed. That being said, Chris, Marianne, my family and I have worked tirelessly to make equal opportunity, the inclusion and positive portrayal of people with disabilities in society the norm rather than the exception. As such, I was upset more generally speaking, about the skit contributing to a severe lack of knowledge, awareness, understanding and empathy around disability. Too many people already fear, and are often disgusted or put off in other ways by disability and it saddened me to think of the impact the skit may have had in adding fuel to that fire.