he Resolution of Callie & Kayden (The Coincidence, #6)(49)

Chapter 24


#166 Hold Someone While They Let it All Out.



Callie


We finish up the Thanksgiving break by snowboarding and going out before Jackson returns home. Then Kayden and I get to spend some time together – finally – in our new home.

I still visit Harper a couple of times to make sure everything’s going okay with therapy. She seems a little less fake and a bit more real, so when she tells me it’s going good, I believe her. It makes me happy that I got to help her with that, almost as if it was a healing process I didn’t even know about.

School goes on. Football goes on. Writing goes on. Life goes on. The next week goes by pretty uneventful. But the thing that Kayden and I both knew was coming finally arrives, smack dab in the middle of finals. I’m actually finishing up a test in Oceanography when I get a call from Kayden. I only know it’s him because of the ringtone, but I can’t answer it if I don’t want to get accused of cheating.

I hurry and finish up the last of the questions then grab my bag and rush out of the classroom, tossing the exam on the teacher’s desk as I go by. As soon as I’m out into the fairly empty hallway, I dig my phone out of my pocket and call him back.

‘Hey, what’s up?’ I ask when he answers it.

He takes a deep breath and immediately I know whatever he called for has to be bad. ‘It’s my dad. He’s dead.’

‘I’ll be right there,’ I say, practically running toward the exit doors at the end of the hallway. All I can picture is him locked in the bathroom with a razor in his hand. ‘Are you at home?’

‘No, I’m actually in the parking lot.’ Emotion surfaces through his voice, cracking down the line, and I swear I can actually feel it. ‘I needed to see you so I’ve been sitting out here waiting for you to get out of class.’

‘I’m coming.’ I burst out the doors and sprint across the snow, grasping onto my bag. ‘Where are you parked exactly?’

‘At the front.’ There’s a vulnerability to his voice, like he’s fighting not to break apart before I get there.

I scan the parking lot and when I spot his car, I veer right, not slowing down until I reach it. I throw open the door and jump in. He’s sitting in the driver’s seat, staring ahead at the campus quad, his jaw set tight, as his chest rises and crashes. He has on his pajama pants and a hoodie which means he probably left the house in a hurry.

The warm air kisses my skin, but the silence of him chills my heart. I’m not sure what to say – if there’s anything I can say. What the heck does one say to someone in this type of situation?

I’m sorry.

That you lost your dad.

Lost the monster in your life.

That you’re hurting.

That you’re confused.

That you have to go through this.

‘I love you.’ It’s all I can think of and it seems to be exactly what he needs to hear because he turns to me, eyes soft as he leans over and wraps his arms around me, pulling me to him. My stomach presses into the console, but I still give in as he hugs me closer, almost in desperation.

‘I love you, too,’ he whispers with his head buried in my neck. ‘God, I f*cking love you. And really, that’s all that matters.’ I can feel the exact moment when he starts to cry, not because I can feel his tears or even hear him. I can feel it because of how tight his hold on me gets, like every one of his muscles is forcing the emotion out of him.

I wrap my arms around him and run my fingers through his hair, remaining quiet while he cries because there’s not much more I can do. He needs to get it out and I’m glad he is. It’s when he holds it in that things become a problem.

I’m not even sure how long we sit there like that, well into the evening, but I don’t dare move, afraid he’ll suck all the emotion back inside himself and trap it there.

By the time he pulls away, the sky has cleared, but the sun is lowering behind the mountains, casting its orange neon glow against the snow on the ground. There are hardly any people left on campus and the parking lot is nearly vacant.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask as he wipes his bloodshot eyes with the back of his hand.

‘Yeah, sorry about that.’ His voice is hoarse ‘I just lost it for a second.’

‘You know, it’s okay to lose it,’ I say, reaching over to wipe away a few tears remaining. I’m about to pull away when he leans into my touch so I keep my hand there. ‘And it’s okay to cry.’

‘I know it is,’ he says, letting out a heavy exhale. ‘And I think I needed to do it – let it all out. I’ve needed to for the last twenty years.’

There’s a pause and I’m about to ask if he wants to talk about it when he leans back in the seat, facing forward then puts the car into reverse. ‘I know you have questions,’ he says as I buckle my seatbelt. ‘And I’ll answer them, but I just want to be home when I do, if that’s okay?’

I nod, turning forward in my own seat. ‘Of course that’s okay.’

He looks relieved as he pulls out of the parking lot and onto the street. On our way back to the apartment, we stop to pick up some takeout because neither one of us is great at – nor do we enjoy – cooking. Then we settle on the sofa with our hamburgers, fries, and drinks, and eat in silence even though it just about drives me crazy.