Yours Truly (Part of Your World, #2)(96)

Maybe if I’d tried to calm him down in a way that didn’t involve straddling his lap, I would have had the fortitude not to have sex with him on a futon in his mom’s basement.

I groaned. I had sex with him. On a futon. In his mom’s basement.

I was like a parody of myself.

Even though this was just sex for him, now that I wasn’t going to be doing it again, he was going to feel rejected and like he did something wrong, because that’s just how Jacob was. And I was going to feel embarrassed and like I couldn’t count on myself to make the right decisions, especially when it came to him. The only way I could be sure it wouldn’t happen again was to stay away from him.

I’d still keep my promise. I’d attend his family functions through the wedding. But I couldn’t ever be with him alone and I couldn’t spend time with him outside of the agreement.

I’d messed this up. I’d ruined the time we had left.

I still had my face in my hands when I heard footsteps. A second later someone opened the gazebo door. I looked up. Amy stood there.

We stared at each other in surprise. Then she looked over at Grandpa smoking and her mouth fell open.

My jaw set. Fuck it. “Go ahead,” I said, sitting back in my seat. “Tell Joy. I don’t even care.”

Amy blinked at me. Then she held something up. A pack of Marlboros.

“We all give them to him,” she said sheepishly. “Well, the girls do. It’s sort of how you know you’re in the family? When you start sneaking Grandpa cigarettes. He smokes a pack a week.”

“Two,” he said proudly.

I turned and gawked at him. “What?”

He didn’t reply, but he looked pleased with himself.

I looked back at Amy. “How does Joy not know?”

Amy shrugged. “She does. She told Greg as long as she’s not enabling it, she can’t feel guilty about it. And she said he likes the chase? That it keeps him sharp?”

Grandpa looked at the glowing end of his cigarette. “I always could make the ladies do whatever I wanted. Haven’t lost my touch.”

I shook my head at him. Unbelievable. “You almost ran me down with your wheelchair. Several times.”

“You got out of the way, didn’t you?”

He managed to get a laugh out of me.

Amy stood there for a minute, looking self-conscious. “Can I sit?”

I blew a breath out through my nose. Then I nodded at the chair across from me. She sat down on the edge of the seat like I might change my mind and make her leave.

She licked her lips. “I’m sorry about Shannon,” she said. “She was out of line. She was very drunk, and I sent her home.”

I didn’t reply.

“Jacob never strung me along,” she said, going on. “He didn’t do anything wrong. And you were right. I never really appreciated how hard it is for him to show up—I didn’t do enough to take his anxiety seriously. I deserved what you said. Probably more than anyone.”

She peered back at me.

I looked away from her. “Do you want a Twix?” I mumbled.

“Oh God, yes.”

I dug into the plastic gas-station bag and handed her the candy bar, and she unwrapped it and took a bite. She closed her eyes while she chewed. “Thank you,” she breathed. “I am starving, all the time.”

I studied her for a moment. “How many weeks are you?” I asked.

“Eight.” She took a deep breath and glanced at me. “Honestly, I’ve been so sick and exhausted I didn’t even want to do this party.”

“Is that why we made candles instead of pole dancing somewhere?”

She laughed a little. “The candles came out pretty awful, didn’t they?”

“Mine has a hair in it.”

She cracked up and I couldn’t help but smile. She finished the candy bar and rested her head on the back of her chair.

I lit another cigarette for Grandpa. “Don’t you need to go back in?” I asked her.

“Nah. I told everyone I was feeling sick and needed to go lie down. Joy moved everyone into the living room and she’s showing them vibrators she likes.”

I looked over my shoulder toward the house. “Oh, man. I’m missing that?”

“Like you need it?” she said in an amused We-both-know-what-kind-of-earth-shattering-sex-Jacob-is-giving-you kind of way.

I bobbed my head at the comment that I would have had to pretend to understand just an hour ago. God.

“Is it true he didn’t get in the limo?” she asked. “Is everything okay?”

I don’t know what it was. Maybe that she looked sort of vulnerable sitting there. Or maybe it was the genuinely concerned way she was looking at me. But I didn’t want to lie about it.

“We had a fight.”

She peered at me. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t press for more information. But I decided to give it to her anyway.

“I think I’m a little more in love with him than he is with me.”

Amy blinked. “I seriously doubt that.”

I scoffed.

“No, I mean it,” she said. “I have never seen him the way he is with you.” She shook her head. “He never wanted to live with me or spend time with me. He didn’t look at me like he looks at you.”