Yours Truly (Part of Your World, #2)(44)

“We’re going to have to step up our game, Jacob. Big time. In your mom’s book she said intimacy is in the small things,” I whispered. “It’s putting a hand on my lower back when we walk into a room or facing in my direction when we’re together. You’re going to have to touch me. You have to do it on purpose, but it has to look like you’re not even thinking about it, like touching me is just natural for you because you like it. And I’m going to have to do the same thing.”

He put his hands in his pockets. “Okay…”

“We’re going to need to spend a lot more time together,” I whispered. “If your mom doesn’t call bullshit by the end of the night, Amy will in three weeks if we don’t get good at this. I’m going to need to see your house. You’re going to need to see…mine.” I gulped on the last word. “You have to have lunch with me every day.”

I thought I saw the corner of his lip twitch.

“Maybe you should come up to the cabin,” he suggested.

“YES. All the things.”

I let out a slow breath. “God. No wonder you warned me about sex toys.” Though I might actually want to talk to her about that…

I’d read Joy’s book. Twice. It was good. She knew her stuff. It was also the book that made me realize how little I’d been getting from Nick. How wrong things had been for so long. I’d thought it was me. I was trying to fix something when I didn’t know where the break was.

And then I’d found out.

“We should go back out there,” I said, chewing on my lip.

Great. Now I was nervous. We both were. Perfect.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it,” he said forlornly.

I waved him off, trying not to freak out over the fact that I was in Dr. J. Maddox’s house. Leave it to a man to completely miss the broad strokes.

He stood there for an awkward moment like he didn’t know what to do now. Then he put out a hand, offering it to me like he felt sorry that I had to take it.

I breathed a sigh through my nose at his apologetic expression. I didn’t want him to feel bad about this situation. I would have agreed to help him even if I’d known about his mom. Telling everyone I knew that I had a boyfriend was just an unexpected pivot. I hadn’t been ready for how far this performance needed to stretch. And I’d meant what I’d said outside: I didn’t mind the touching part, that wasn’t an issue for me at all.

I gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s going to be fine, Jacob. We’ll work it out.”

I slipped my hand into his waiting one and was surprised when I got the slightest flutter in my stomach at the contact.

It wasn’t the first time I’d touched him. I’d hugged him earlier in the supply closet, but this felt intimate, even though it was just for show. I felt a tiny blush creep up my neck.

I cleared my throat. “No kissing on the lips,” I whispered.

“No kissing,” he agreed.

Then my “boyfriend” led me out.





Chapter 19

Jacob



We were in the kitchen. Jill, Jane, Jewel, and Gwen sat at the counter drinking wine and cutting pasta from scratch and hanging it on a drying rack. Walter was washing dishes, and Mom was stirring a pot. Dad had come back in from his workshop and was making garlic bread. Grandpa sat in his chair staring at the yard through the window. There were appetizers set out. A penis-shaped charcuterie board that Mom got for Christmas from her best friend, and an Edible Arrangement.

When we came into the kitchen, Briana had immediately started drying dishes.

The second she did, I relaxed a little. She seemed to inherently understand the communal effort that was the family dinner.

She seemed to understand a lot of things.

My anxiety had careened back in full force over the last few hours. A snowball gathering momentum at each unexpected development that was this day.

I hadn’t been braced to be outed about the kidney donation. It was fine, but it was a mental gear change that I wasn’t ready for. And so was this “date” we were on.

I hadn’t planned on asking Briana to do this for me, and now it was happening, and I hadn’t gotten the chance to process any of it or get used to the idea that I was actually going through with this farce. And on top of that, I hadn’t anticipated how much I was going to dislike what we were doing.

I’d never lied to my family before. And while I knew I was doing it for a good reason, the fear of being discovered was enough to send me into a spiral.

If we pulled it off, the deception would serve everyone. But if we got caught, my family would know how desperate I was. They’d think I’d lied because I wasn’t over Amy and I wasn’t okay. That I’d had to make up an entire girlfriend because I couldn’t find a real one. The pity would be unbearable. The stakes were unbelievably high. And on top of that, I felt horrible for asking this of Briana.

A part of me knew she felt obligated to me, and I didn’t like that because I’d never know how she really felt about agreeing to do this. Was it an inconvenience for her? Was she gritting her teeth and bearing it? Cringing at having to hold my hand? Wishing she didn’t know who Benny’s donor was after all, so she wouldn’t feel honor bound to entertain this ridiculous request?