Yours Truly (Part of Your World, #2)(29)

Wouldn’t it be amazing to live like that? To not carry that burden around with you. To not feel constantly overwhelmed and overstimulated and second-guess every little thing.

It got better the more I got to know people. At Memorial West my anxiety was hardly a problem at all. They were my friends there, my team. I was used to them and comfortable around them.

All things considered, I was comfortable around Briana too, I realized.

Briana made me nervous, but she didn’t make me uncomfortable. That was a big distinction. For me, nervousness usually got better with time. Uncomfortable didn’t.

At least it didn’t with Amy.

Amy never stopped making me uncomfortable. She still did. Mostly because I don’t think she knew me well enough to know how not to.

I took a bite of my sandwich while Briana ate her noodles, and we fell into a silence. But unlike most silences, this one didn’t feel awkward. It was like the pause between our letters. Just a small break in the dialogue.

Briana reached down and picked up a Snapple. “What’s on your socks?” she asked, nodding at my ankles.

I pulled my pant leg up to look. “Elephants.”

“Do you always wear animal socks?”

“I do it for my niece and nephew. They like them.”

“Are you going to see them today?”

I shook my head. “No. But kids like them, so I always wear them to work.”

She smiled. “Can I ask you a question?” she asked, putting the cap back on her drink.

I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “Sure.”

“You said your mom had a kidney transplant?”

I nodded. “She has lupus. Her best friend donated.”

She paused for a moment. “How is she?”

“She’s great. Healthy. Her lupus is managed for the most part.” I peered at her. “How’s your brother?”

She shrugged, looking into her soup cup. “He’s not really thriving on dialysis. I thought by now he’d at least be getting adjusted, but…” She went quiet again. “He’s so depressed I’m beginning to think that his infected catheter was on purpose.”

I blinked at her. “You think he’s suicidal?”

She poked at her soup. “I don’t think he wanted to die so much as he just doesn’t have any interest in living like this anymore.”

I stared at her. I had no idea it was that bad.

She still didn’t look at me. “I think if it had been more gradual, it wouldn’t have hit him so hard. But it all happened so fast. He lost his job because he couldn’t work with his health issues. Then his girlfriend broke up with him a few months into it, which didn’t help.”

I knew this. Gibson had mentioned it. But having it confirmed was upsetting all over again. “Because he was sick?” I asked, incredulous.

She gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I don’t know that she left because he was sick, or more that he stopped being the person she knew he once was. He got moody and short with her, self-conscious about his body. He didn’t want to be touched. Maybe he pushed her away. I don’t know.”

Not a good enough reason. I could never leave someone I love when they need me—especially if they were sick.

I studied Briana’s face. She looked so tired when she talked about her brother.

“Any status on a donor?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No. I have a website for it, and we all have HELP BENNY FIND A KIDNEY. YOU COULD BE THE MATCH! stickers on our cars. But it’s been eight months since I started looking for someone.”

“Do you have any more stickers? I’ll put one on my truck.”

She looked up at me and brightened. “You will?”

“Yes, of course.”

She beamed at me like this tiny thing was everything. “Thank you. And thanks for having lunch with me,” she said.

“Anytime,” I said, meaning it more than I think she knew. “Maybe next time we can do the cafeteria.”

She laughed a little. “I know you don’t like loud, crowded places. I never see you in the lounge. I just figured you’d be more comfortable here.”

Now my face went soft.

She’d picked here on purpose? For me?

Briana had just managed to do what Amy never could after almost three years together. She took me someplace to meet for lunch that wouldn’t make me anxious.

It wasn’t Amy’s fault I was like this. But I wondered if we’d still be together if every date with her didn’t wear me out. Would we have seen each other more if it wasn’t so exhausting for me? Maybe she would have known me better if she’d understood how to get to know me better. Like this. Putting me at ease. Meeting me halfway.

Someone knocked on the supply room door. I was sitting against it, so I had to get up to open it.

“Expecting someone?” Briana teased.

I was smiling at this when I opened the door, but the second I saw who it was, my expression flatlined. It was Jewel.

“What…what are you doing here?” I asked, confused.

She crossed her arms over her hot pink T-shirt. “I had to do a wellness check since nobody can seem to get you on the phone. Some nurse told me you were eating lunch in a closet?”

Then she peered past me at Briana. A huge grin ripped across my sister’s face.