Your Perfect Year(55)

“Gla’ t’ear i’,” murmured Hannah through semiclosed lips, earning herself another stern look from Lisa.

“In fact,” she said, “you only give yourself the answers you already know deep down. You just don’t see it, and the cards help reveal it. Get it?”

Hannah nodded.

“Let’s take another example.” She seemed to have regained her flow. “I know you and Simon have been wondering when I’ll finally get around to looking for another boyfriend. But to be honest, I haven’t wanted a man in my life for ages, because deep down, I knew the time wasn’t right. After I split up with my last one, there were more important things going on.”

Hannah pricked up her ears. “Aha,” she said. “You said ‘were,’ in the past—has something changed?”

“You’re still not allowed to talk, but yes.”

“Yes? You’ve met someone?”

“Not yet, but I will soon.”

“Soon?”

“It just so happens that the single life has suited me fine over the last few years,” Lisa said. “I don’t feel like I’m missing out—I’ve really enjoyed doing and not doing whatever I want. And the cards always confirmed it—that things are perfectly good as they are.” She paused. “It wasn’t till a few weeks ago, when we started Little Rascals . . . How can I put it? I feel so good and happy since we’ve been running the business that I find myself thinking how lovely it would be to have a partner to share in my happiness.”

“Really?” Hannah took Lisa’s hand and squeezed it. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear it. Sometimes I worry a bit about having talked you into quitting your job. It could all go wrong.”

“It was totally the right thing to do! If I’d known how wonderful this would be, I’d have wanted to do it much sooner.”

“I’m glad.” Hannah grinned. “And now I know that we’ve also got the backing of a tarot reader, I won’t worry. If we end up going bust, I can simply blame it all on her—she should have seen it in her crystal ball.”

“Cards,” Lisa corrected. “Sarasvati reads the tarot for me; she has nothing to do with crystal balls.”

“Sarasvati?”

“Hmm,” Lisa said. “It just slipped out.”

“Out is out,” Hannah said cheerfully. “Sarasvati sounds even crazier than Mr. Magic!”

“She’s brilliant,” Lisa said defensively. “And so far, everything she’s said has come true.”

“Can you ask her for the lottery numbers?”

“Don’t be stupid!” Lisa looked really wounded.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Hannah backed off. “Go on! So this Sarasvati thinks you’ll have a man in your life soon?”

“She didn’t say anything about a ‘man in my life.’ But when I went to see her two weeks ago, she said that during the next year I’ll have a special encounter.”

“‘Special encounter’ sounds like something that can mean whatever you want it to.”

“According to Sarasvati, it’s related to a partnership.”

“Maybe she meant me? We’re partners.”

“For one thing, I already know you, so that rules you out. And for another, the cards indicated a man.”

“Okay.” Hannah winked. “I’m not a man.”

“That’s true. Though you often act like one.”

“Thank you very much!”

“It was meant as a compliment.”

“I said thanks, didn’t I?”

They laughed, and then Hannah turned serious again. “I’m glad you had good predictions about Little Rascals and your dream man—but what am I going to do about Simon?”

“I don’t know,” Lisa admitted. “Wait, I guess.”

“I’m finding it difficult. I feel like dragging him by the hair into the hospital for more tests.”

“You can’t force him. He has to choose it himself.”

“I know. But if only we could convince him somehow that even in this situation he shouldn’t lose the will to live. That he must have more than a year ahead of him. That he’s gearing himself up for a worst-case scenario totally unnecessarily.”

“How can you convince him of that? You don’t actually know it yourself.”

“I do!” Hannah said. “I’m certain of it.”

“How can you be?”

“No idea. I just know it. Simon can’t be going to die soon, simple as that. I won’t allow it!” Tears sprang to her eyes again. She knew that her arguments were childish, no more than magical thinking, a desperate attempt to close her ears to what she didn’t want to hear.

Lisa looked at her sadly. “Sometimes things that seem so horrific that we can’t face them are nevertheless true.”

“Yes,” she said quietly and sobbed. “They are. Unfortunately.”

They sat side by side, two friends who no longer knew what to say. Lisa began to stroke Hannah’s hair again, as though she were comforting her for a cut on her knee. But this was a serious, deep wound. So deep that it might never heal.