You'll Be the Death of Me(84)

I sink into the opposite end of the couch. “Yeah, but not till seven,” I say. I don’t have to tell her where. We’re down to one job each now that we know there’s going to be some kind of settlement from what Ivy did at Spare Me. I held on to Garrett’s, even though it’s the farthest away, and Autumn still drives the murder van. Mr. Sorrento has been really understanding about her whole situation. “You?”

    “No,” she yawns, rubbing her eyes. “I have the night off.”

“What are you gonna do?” I ask.

Autumn snorts. “Oh, I have big plans. Netflix, ice cream, cutting Gabe out of all my pictures and burning his head. It’s gonna be a whole thing.”

“Sounds great. Let me know if you need help with the last part.” My cousin dumped Gabe as soon as she learned he’d given my name to Coach Kendall. She might’ve stuck with him when he was outed as the Weasel, considering how guilty she feels about her own part in Coach Kendall’s operation, but Gabe using my name sealed his fate. The silver lining to this disaster, I guess, is that we’re finally free of Loser Gabe.

“How are you getting to Garrett’s?” Autumn asks.

I suppress a sigh. “Dad’s driving me.”

True to his word—for once—Dad’s back in Carlton, working at White & West Music Emporium and inserting himself into my life like the overgrown best friend I never asked for. Harsh, I know. Though it’s hard not to resent the guy when his sudden attention, which is just kind of pointless and intrusive now, could’ve changed everything a few months ago.

But I go wherever he wants to take me, because Ma insists on it, and it’s not like I’m about to cross her on anything right now.

“It’s just—” I start, but I’m interrupted by the door opening. Ma comes in, and we instantly go silent. I try to gauge her expression as she walks toward us and sinks into an armchair. Does she look a little less grim than usual? Maybe?

“Were you two at the shelter earlier?” she asks, and we both nod like puppets. “Good.” She massages one of her knees, but more absently than like it’s really hurting her. Taking her medication regularly seems to be helping a lot with the pain. “It’s time for the three of us to have a little talk.”

    Autumn and I exchange glances. “Okay,” I say cautiously.

Ma gives us a tight-lipped smile. “I have been beyond angry with the two of you,” she starts, and then pauses like she’s not sure where to go from there.

“We noticed,” I say. Autumn kicks me, hard, and I shut up.

“And I still am,” Ma continues. “What you did was…okay, I told myself I wasn’t going to get distracted with another lecture.” She takes a deep breath. “Because the thing is—it’s occurred to me, as I’ve been meeting with James Shepard and talking about next steps, that I’ve set a bad example for the two of you.”

“What?” I lean forward, confused. “You set a great example.”

“I’ve always liked to think that,” Ma says. “But I’ve spent most of your lives doing everything myself. Never asking for help, as though there’s something shameful about needing it. I wanted you both to be strong and independent, and you are—but you went overboard. And I did, too.” She shifts in her chair. “I’m going to tell you something that’s a little hard to admit. Before the lawsuit happened, I’d been thinking about closing Spare Me. I was worn down running a business by myself, and I wanted to try something new. But I didn’t know how to tell the two of you that. It felt like admitting I’d failed. Then the DeWitts sued and—I didn’t fight as hard as I could have. I was underinsured, yes, but I could’ve made it work. I chose not to. And I should have told you that.”

She sits back in her chair like she’s waiting for a response, so I grapple for one even though I’m having a hard time making sense of her words. Autumn looks equally confused, tugging on a strand of hair as she taps one foot on the ground. “So you…you wanted Spare Me to go under?” I finally ask.

    “I don’t think I would have put it that way at the time,” Ma says. “But looking back, I think that I did.” Her face softens as she takes in our blank expressions. “I know that place meant the world to the two of you. It was a big part of your lives for a long time. I was proud of it, and of having a family business, but I was also exhausted. And that’s my entire point.”

Autumn scrunches her forehead. “What is?”

“That I preferred extreme failure to admitting I needed help. Which is a problem, isn’t it? Because I’ve passed that exact characteristic on to the two of you.” Her dark eyes bore into mine. “It’s not always a bad thing to be proud and stubborn. You get things done. But once I got sick, everything fell apart, and none of us had the tools to deal with that.”

Autumn bites her lip. “Aunt Elena, it’s not your fault that I—”

“I’m not saying it’s my fault,” Ma interrupts. “I’m saying I recognize I’ve modeled some unhealthy behaviors for the two of you. And that stops now.” She leans forward, her face becoming more animated. “James has given me carte blanche on what to do with the Carlton Entertainment Complex, including shutting it down and rebuilding Spare Me exactly like it was before. But I don’t want that. I like the plans for the CEC; they make sense. And I like James’s overall vision, so I’m joining Shepard Properties as a managing director for the entertainment division.”