You'd Be Home Now (66)

Silence.

My father says, I always wondered what would have happened if we’d met here, in high school. If you hadn’t been away at boarding school. Would you have liked the Gage Galt of Heywood High or just me, the kid from Polish Town?

Pause.

Instead, I had to go halfway around the world, all the way to Japan, to fall in love with a girl from my own hometown. The girl who lived in the big, mysterious house on the hill. And now I live here.

Imagine that. My mother’s voice is softer now.

Imagine that.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard this story before, of them in Japan. I wonder what else is in my parents’ backstory that they haven’t told us?

My father comes out of their bedroom. He doesn’t notice me as he goes down the stairs and I wonder how many more years it will be until they are in the same room again, talking to each other instead of at each other.

I go to my room, close the door, peel off my gray dress, the black leggings, my cardigan with the small white buttons. Put everything away neatly. Put my pajamas on. Wash my bleary, stained face in my bathroom. Wipe it clean, like I wish I could wipe everything clean.

I pause before my bedroom window.

Gage’s house is dark, except for the porch light. They’re still at the hospital. If it wasn’t serious, they might be home by now. My stomach feels sick. This is not good.

    On my bed, my phone is flashing.

Liza.


I know we haven’t talked in years, really talked, and I’m sorry about that, but really, it was my due to be a bitch, you know? Because I’m the one who got cut out of your life in the worst way. But I think this might turn out bad and if you need help, I can help you. Okay? I just want you to know that.



Thank you, I type, grateful. I put the phone down beside me on the bed. Fuzzy jumps into my lap and I hold her close.

People know about me and Gage, everything we tried to keep secret. Joey got high again. Relapsed, like the Blue Spruce handbook said he might. And I’m not going to tell my parents. How much worse can things get than that?

Oh god. Joey’s outpatient. He has a group meeting. What if they test him? My stomach squeezes.

I reach for my laptop and start typing. I’m in it now, lie after lie, to save my brother.

Can Oxy be found in a pee test

How long does Oxy stay in the body

Is there a difference between male urine and female urine



* * *



—

The next morning my mother is stirring eggs in the pan and turns around as I creep softly into the kitchen. “There you are. I was wondering when you would make an appearance.”

She pushes a glass of juice toward me. I wrap my hands around it, avoiding her eyes. I know what’s coming and it’s not going to be good.

    “Why don’t you tell me what happened, Emory? Why Gage Galt is now undergoing some surgery I can’t even pronounce.”

“Are you going to yell at me?” I ask.

“I can’t make any promises.”

I swallow hard and look her straight in the face. “I asked him to dance and he said no. And I was outside, on the practice field, on the bleachers, and Joey found me, and I was upset, and so Joey ran over to Gage. But he didn’t touch him, I swear. Gage slipped.”

“Was your brother high? Drunk? Answer me honestly, Emory.”

She’s giving me the Look, so I do everything in my power not to let my eyes veer from hers, to appear steady and calm, because whatever else is going to happen, her finding out Joey was high would be worse than that.

And I know I shouldn’t lie for my brother, but it was one time, and she will annihilate him even for this one time. I can help him make it back from this one time.

“No. I had my eyes on him the whole time. He was talking to Amber, his tutor, and then he ran after me when I ran outside.”

My mother drops a sugar cube in her teacup.

“And what happened with you and Gage? His mother seems to think something more was going on.”

That’s right. Liza said Gage was mumbling about me and the pool house as they took him away from the practice field. I can’t let my mother know about that, either.

I shake my head. “Nothing. A stupid crush.”

“A crush?”

“Yes. One-sided, all me. I asked him to dance. He said no. I freaked out. End of story.”

    “You understand it all looks bad. The optics are bad.”

I nod.

“I know we don’t always connect,” she says. “I’m sorry for that. I never really felt like my mother and I saw eye to eye, either, and I always wanted it to be different with me and my daughters. You can tell me anything, but the one thing you can’t do is lie, especially where Joey is concerned. Do you understand? He can’t learn to take responsibility for his sobriety if we enable him.”

“I’m not lying.”

The words feel heavy and bitter in my mouth.

“All right, Emory,” she says, turning back to the eggs in the pan. “You’ve always been my good girl, so I believe you.”

The juice is harsh on my tongue and I gently, quietly, spit it back into the cup.



* * *



—

Later, Joey and I drive down Main Street on the way to his outpatient meeting, past all the cozy, rustic-looking shops: the Bean There, Done That Café, Merkel’s Fine Books, the Quiltery, where my mother likes to buy hand-stitched napkins and frothy doilies for presents for out-of-town relatives. Main Street in Mill Haven is postcard-perfect, giving everything an innocent, gleaming shimmer, so unlike how my life feels right now.