You'd Be Home Now (31)

Simon Stanley starts walking around our circle on the stage, hands behind his back, wiggling the baton. Looking at each of us in turn, like he has something very, very important to say. He’s wearing a loose, tunic-like shirt, no buttons, and I don’t think I’ve ever realized how small and wiry he is. I had him freshman year, for advisory period, and we mostly watched clips from movie musicals, which meant “Seventy-Six Trombones” played on a loop in my head for months afterward.

When he gets to me, he pauses.

And touches the baton lightly on my shoulder.

You can do this, he mouths.

I’m not so sure, but I nod anyway.

Simon whirls away, to the center of the stage.

“Now, let’s talk about the thea-tuh,” he says.



* * *



—

Joey has a big grin on his face as I walk down the auditorium aisle toward him when we’re done.

“That was brutal,” he says. “When you guys started howling, I thought you might actually bail.”

    Simon Stanley asked us to imagine being animals: first a horse, then a cat (we tiptoed around the stage, hands curled like paws at our chests, mewing), then a coyote (heads thrown back, keening at the moon). I felt awkward and silly doing this, but a part of me also kind of liked it. At least I wasn’t sweating through my dance clothes and missing beats and getting frustrated looks from Tavi Dean, the dance coach.

“Shut up,” I tell him. “At least it wasn’t ceramics. Hard, wet things, remember?”

Joey’s smile dies as he stands up. Jeremy has come up to us. He looks sheepish.

“Hey, Joe.”

“Hey, Jeremy. Man, you look different. You grew.”

“I had a growth spurt this summer, I guess. My mom’s mad because she had to buy me new clothes.”

“Moms.”

“Yeah.”

A giant, sad silence seems to wrap around all of us.

Finally, Jeremy says, “I don’t really know what to say.”

“Me neither.” Joey’s voice is quiet.

Luther Leonard spent more time than not at our house for years. Swimming in the pool with Joey. Playing video games with Joey. In the attic with Joey. They were inseparable. Like me and Liza were for years.

Jeremy says, “Well, see you tomorrow, Emory. You did really good today. I swear it will get less weird. Later, Joe.”

“Later.”

We watch him leave the auditorium, hiking his frayed backpack over his shoulders.

“At least today is over, right?” Joey sighs.

    “Let me see,” I say. “I have no friends, I got yelled at in the cafeteria, there was a rebellion in lit, everywhere I went people were whispering about me, and I had to howl like a wolf. This semester is going to last forever.”

Joey grimaces. “All my teachers made me sit in the front row, Noah and Chris tried to get me to smoke pot by the ball field, and I had a small lecture from the principal about pulling up my bootstraps and putting in the work.”

“Wait, someone asked you to get high?”

He shrugs. “Gonna happen. Don’t worry, I can handle it.”

He pulls his hood over his head and I can’t help feeling a spark of fear, like he’s trying to hide red-rimmed eyes. Joey catches my look.

“I didn’t,” he says sharply. “You have to trust me.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay.”

There’s an awkward space between us that I don’t like.

Finally, he says, “One day at a time, right? At least, that’s what they told us in Blue Spruce.”

“One day at a time,” I say back and then in my head, over and over. One day at a time.





Mis_Educated


Hey, hey, Heywood High!

How was your first day

Every year I think this is the year

That things will be different.

That we’ll all be nicer to each other.

No more jocks over here, geeks over there,

Stoners by the ball field, losers at the back Of the cafeteria. But it never changes.

Every year, I hope that somebody

Won’t make fun of my clothes

Or a teacher will actually listen

When I have something to say.

I always hope we’ll be kinder to each other

Even when we’re feeling lost

And angry. And you know what else?

I really missed Candy today.

And Wilder Wicks.

And Shannon Roe.

They should have been with us today.

Cancer happens

Suicide happens

Accidents happen

And I just couldn’t shake it

How heartbreaking it is to be us sometimes

How heartbreaking it is to be young sometimes I don’t think adults get that

I don’t think they see that

I think they’ve forgotten that



#heywoodhigh #heywoodhaulers #candymontclair #wilderwicks #shannonroe #heywoodhypocrisy #millhaven LzySusan Daaaammmn TupacLives i miss wilder every day MandyMandy I might write a story for the Heywood Hauler about Candy GentleBen seeing their photos in the memorial case makes me pretty sad, tbh

     HelenOfJoy Everybody says kids are resilient but I beg to differ LucyK My friend is gone you guys don’t really understand Sharon99 did you see LL’s brother came back kid’s gonna get his ass kicked Sharon99 JW and his nerdy sister 2