You Will Be Mine (Forever and Ever #7)(51)

And I never wanted to ruin that.

***

I walked her to her door then stopped at the threshold.

She fished for her keys then pulled them out of her purse. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Anytime.” I wanted her to invite me inside. I didn’t want the night to end. I felt a change between us and I was curious to see how far it would go.

“Well, goodnight.”

My heart fell. “Goodnight.”

She stayed rooted to the spot and waited for me to walk away.

I’d never hugged her before. All we’d done was hold hands and danced together. For some reason, I had the urge to hold her in my arms. I felt like I earned that right after being patient with her for months. I held onto my courage then moved in.

She didn’t pull away but she watched me intently.

My arms moved around her waist and I pulled her into my chest. I kept my face averted from hers so she knew I wasn’t trying to kiss her. She let me pull her in, and her face rested against my frame.

She was so tiny I could wrap a single arm completely around her. The other moved up her back and my hand rested on her hair. I didn’t say anything, just holding her and forming a steel cage around her.

Beatrice slowly moved her arms around my waist and kept her face close to me. “I can hear your heartbeat.”

“I can feel yours.” I rested my chin on her head and stayed still. The fact she didn’t move away meant a lot to me. The fact she let me touch her at all was surprising. I held her for several minutes and she never moved away. A quiet sigh escaped her lips and I knew she was comfortable.

I looked down at her, wanting to see her reaction to me.

She looked up, her face close to mine.

We both froze. I felt the blood pound in my ears. My heart kicked into overdrive. My breathing suddenly sped up. Staring at her red lips made me feel weak. I wanted to kiss her, to press my warm mouth against hers. But I was scared. Was she ready for that? Did she want that? Would I ruin what we had if I tried?

She made the decision for me. She pulled away and turned toward her door. “I’ll see you later…”

“Yeah.” I stayed on her threshold, feeling empty.

“Good night.” She closed the door.

I turned around and sighed, my head swelling with confusion. What were we? We didn’t act like friends. But we didn’t act like lovers either. I wished I could just ask her but I had a feeling that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I headed home, feeling more confused than I ever had.

***

I stayed up late and watched TV. I wasn’t in the mood to sleep. My mind kept racing, focusing on the single person who had my undivided attention. I wanted Beatrice. I wanted all of her, wanted her to tell me she cared about me. I wanted to know she was mine and that I was hers. She made it clear she could only be a friend. But what if she could be more?

I was going through a dry spell. I hadn’t had sex since I met Beatrice. She took up a lot of my time and I hadn’t gone out to look for a quick lay. But honestly, I didn’t really want to. All I would think about was Beatrice anyway. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going crazy for some kind of contact. I was used to having sex on a regular basis and that just ended. I would use my hand but I hated masturbating. It didn’t feel as good.

A knock on my door sounded.

I checked the time. It was almost one in the morning. Who would be at my door at this hour? My heart leapt in joy at the thought of Beatrice being on the other side.

I looked through the peephole but only felt disappointment when I spotted Stacy. She was one of my regulars. I usually liked having a different girl every time, but I kept the really good ones around. I opened the door. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

She put her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow. “Is that a serious question? What do I normally come over for?”

Oh yeah…

She stepped inside my apartment. “I missed you…”

“You did?” I asked with a smirk.

“Yeah.” She shut the door then put her hands on my chest. “I want some of that bear love.”

Stacy was wild and kinky. She did a lot of things most girls wouldn’t do, and she never cared that I didn’t want something more. She was the definition of easy. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She moved down to her knees then undid my jeans.

I was so horny that I was desperate for her. She got my jeans down then gripped my boxers.

I suddenly felt cold. Sickness pooled in my stomach and I felt dizzy. It didn’t feel right. Guilt and shame flooded through me. I gripped her shoulder. “Wait, hold on.”

“What?” she asked. “I’ll let you do that thing you like…”

I pulled up my jeans then stepped back. “I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

She stood up and raised an eyebrow. “Well, it looked like you were feeling it.”

I opened the door. “Stacy, you should go.”

“Why are you being weird?” she demanded.

“I think I have a girlfriend.”

“You think?” she snapped. “How can you not know?”

“It’s complicated…”

“I’ll say.”

“It’s nothing personal,” I said quickly. “But I think you should go.”