You Deserve Each Other(36)

It.

Is.

Magical.

I can envision all of it so vividly and I want it. I want it bad.

Nicholas enters the drawing room while I’m mentally placing where my stash of sugar cookie and peppermint candles would go and jars me out of my own little world with his voice. “I think I’ll take this room for my office.” He spreads his fingers at the bank of glittering windows. “I’ll put a big-screen TV right there, so I won’t have to divide my time between working and watching football.”

The nutcrackers in my fantasy topple off the mantel and into the fire.

“Ugh.”

“What?” He does a double take at me, then the mantel, which was where my gaze had been fixated. “You don’t like the fireplaces? I figured that’d be one of your favorite parts. There’s forced air, too. We won’t need to light an actual fire to get heat if we don’t want to.”

“The fireplaces are fine,” I reply blandly. I’m surprised my nose doesn’t shoot across the room like Pinocchio. I love those fireplaces more than my blood relatives. I want to nail two mother-and father-sized Christmas stockings over them, next to two child-sized ones. I want to buy a flock of flameless candles and take three hours tediously arranging them just so while a pained Nicholas looks on.

Nicholas studies me, and whatever he sees in my face makes his eyes soften. “Come upstairs?”

“Sure, whatever.”

There are three bedrooms upstairs, largely the same in size and layout. Plain walls, wood floors. The center one’s half a foot narrower than the other two, and a lightbulb goes off in my brain before I can smash it: Nursery.

I’ll never forgive myself for the thought.

“Which room’s mine?” I ask, mostly to provoke him. He’s seen the whole house before, so he doesn’t look at any of it now, keeping his focus pinned on my every reaction. It’s why I’m straining not to react: I can’t let him see how much I love this place. When I enter a room, I think it’s all right. By the time I’m walking out of it, it’s become the best room I’ve ever seen. I’m going to be devastated when I inevitably have to leave. I’ve been living in that white rental all this time like a total idiot.

“Take your pick.”

I can’t discern by his tone whether he’s agreeing to sleep in separate bedrooms. I haven’t slept in our bed since the coin toss, and I’m not about to change that now. I don’t know what would be worse: sleeping with him when I’m trying so hard to push him away, or making a move on him and then having him reject me because he’s trying to push me away. I’m still confused about Nicholas’s endgame here. His strategy’s fuzzy.

“A house like this is full of stories. It should have a name.”

He gives me a delighted smile. “Name it.”

Wind batters the roof like we’re in the eye of a tornado. We’re so far removed from everything we’ve experienced as a couple. I shouldn’t love it. We’re Heathcliff’s and Catherine’s ghosts, marooned in the wilds of Morris. I blurt out the one thing I can think of. “Disaster.”

His smile slips. “I’m not living in a house called Disaster. That’s inviting bad luck.”

“Buddy, we’ve got that already.”

He sighs through his nose, a trait he picked up from Harold. I used to think all of his little mannerisms were cute until I saw the broader template they were cut and pasted from. Watching Nicholas push his drinking glass three inches to the right of his dinner plate stops being adorably quirky after you’ve seen his mother do it. Being acquainted with Deborah has killed so much of what I loved about her son.

“I’m getting a U-Haul over here tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“That’s right.” He looks so pleased with himself.

I think he’s testing me. Trying to break me, maybe, with all these unexpected changes happening at once. I decide to test him, too. “And if I don’t want to move?”

“The U-Haul place is closed on Sundays, but if you want to rent a truck for Monday, be my guest. Until then, all our stuff’s coming here.”

There’s that misleading word again—our.

Unfortunately, neither of us held on to much of our belongings from our single days. My old furniture is long gone, as well as his. We’d wanted to pick out everything together for our joint life, test-driving every couch at Furniture Outlet and bouncing on mattresses until we found The One. There are exceptions, like his desk and my toaster, but by and large our collection was curated as a couple. It’ll be a bitch to divvy it up.

I can’t afford to replace these possessions. He can. Or could, anyway. I don’t know what the situation is now that he’s bought a fricking house.

“And if I stay?” I prompt. “Do I get my name on the deed, too? Or is this the place you’ll share with whichever woman you happen to be with? There’s no guarantee you won’t toss me out in a month.”

“This house is ours, Naomi. Why would I toss you out?”

“Why wouldn’t you? I would, if I were in your shoes. I’d leave you at the old house and say adios.”

Nicholas glares at me. He turns and stomps down the stairs. I’m still standing in the bedroom when he stomps back up, complexion a shade redder. “If you want to stay at the old house, fine. I’m not going to force you to come live here. But I know the Junk Yard’s closing. Leon told me. So good luck paying your rent without me, sweetheart.”