Written with You (The Regret Duet #2)(54)

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Caven’s large hands landed on my hips. Pained as I was, the way my pulse immediately slowed was almost laughable.

A chill prickled my skin as his mouth came down to my ear, his warm breath fluttering over my neck. “I think we have to talk about her, babe. She might be the only elephant we haven’t set free yet.”

“I thought we were trying to set me free. Get me back to Willow. Erase Hadley from our lives once and for all.”

He moved closer until my only choice was to look up or face-plant into his chest.

Reluctantly, I gave him my eyes. “Just drop it.”

“I’m not trying to erase her. This shit with us… It’s difficult. It’s going to take a lot of work and tiptoeing through the hard stuff on both of our parts to start a relationship with a solid foundation. But hear me when I say this: We are going through this. Not around it. Yes. I want you to be Willow. But that’s not completely selfish. A man put his hands on you because he thought you were Hadley. The type of man I am, I expect the worst to happen at all times, and thus far, life has not let me down. When that asshole attacked you, it didn’t matter that we’d been having problems. It didn’t matter that I was supposed to be trying to perform the impossible and forget everything I’d ever felt for you. All that mattered was that you were safe. And I’d really like to keep you that way. It’s not about forgetting Hadley. It’s not about erasing her. It’s about solving a problem head on. And our current problem is I don’t think you’re ready to say goodbye to her.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but that had been eerily accurate, and I both loved and hated that he recognized it.

Loved because I loved him and it meant a lot that he noticed and understood things about me long before I was willing to admit them.

Hated because it meant that it had been over eight months and I was failing at pretending, which meant accepting that Hadley was gone forever was just around the corner and I was seriously not ready to lose her yet.

Tears hit my eyes at the same time I face-planted into his chest and blurted, “It’s easier to see Willow on her headstone. I’m Willow. So it seems like a silly mistake. But then I remember that she’s in there. And then I want her to be happy. She always wanted to be me. So I keep thinking that maybe I can live the easy life for her. There can be a world where Hadley loves her daughter and teaches her to paint and they do all the things she used to love. They can laugh about animals and she can sleep in the arms of a man who truly loves her and she won’t hurt anymore. I can’t fix the past for her. But I can fix the future.”

His strong arms folded around me, pinning me to his chest as the sobs devoured me.

“You read her journals, Caven. They were all so dark and depressing. I want her to finally have something good to write about.”

“But I want to write that future with you, Willow,” he breathed into the top of my hair, holding me so tight it was as if he thought he could keep me from falling apart. And let’s be honest. It was Caven. He probably could. But if he couldn’t, I knew he would stand there for however long I needed him to, fighting a losing battle and trying anyway. “We don’t have to talk about this now. We actually don’t have to talk about it ever again. But just know you will always be Willow to me.”

My heart simultaneously ached and soared. I wanted to write that future with him too. I didn’t know how long we stayed there. Standing in the middle of his room, his bed only a few feet away. He didn’t ask any questions, nor did he try to give me any sage advice.

There was nothing left to say.

The fact was Hadley was dead. My using her identity wasn’t going to change that.

There would be no painting with her daughter.

No laughing over animals.

No journal entries decorated with hearts and smiley faces.

That wasn’t Hadley’s life.

But it could be mine.

With Caven.

I had a successful career as an artist. An incredible man who would hold me until his arms fell off. A beautiful little girl who looked like my mother, laughed like my father, and had every bit of my sister’s attitude.

And, in one way or another, Hadley had given them all to me.

Maybe the answer wasn’t rewriting her life.

Maybe he was right and it was all about embracing my own.

Or maybe it was just about putting off the inevitable and forgetting if only for a few more hours.

“Caven,” I whispered, raking my nails down his back.

He turned to stone as I slipped my hand down the back of his sweats. “Fuck,” he rumbled.

Pressing up onto my toes, I kissed the base of his neck and murmured, “Go see if she’s asleep.”

He took my mouth in a needy kiss, but as I was getting lost in a taste that would forever be engrained in my memory as Caven Hunt, he was removing my hands.

Palming either side of my face, he stepped away. “Stop.”

“No, don’t stop. Stopping is bad.” I tried to capture his mouth again, but he held me out of reach.

“Jesus, Willow. Your cheeks aren’t even dry yet.”

I tugged at his waistband. “So dry them while you get me naked.”

Releasing my face, he took a giant stride back. It was only a few feet, but for as deflated as I felt, it might as well have been a mile.