Written with Regret (The Regret Duet #1)(11)

This was different. This was monumental.

This was terrifying.

“Here she is, Dad. Your little princess,” the nurse all but sang, parking the basket directly in front of me.

My hands shook as I willed my heart to beat again. She was tiny—even smaller than I remembered—wrapped like a burrito with a pink-and-blue-striped hat pulled snug on her head. All I could see of her were eyelids, chubby cheeks, and pouting lips suckling on nothing.

She didn’t look like me.

She didn’t even look like Hadley for that matter.

She just looked like a baby.

“You want to hold her?” the nurse asked.

“Uhhhh…I think I’m good for now. Actually, maybe I should watch that video again.”

“Oh, come on now. This one doesn’t bite.”

With wide eyes, I swung my puzzled gaze her way. “Do some of them bite?”

Laughing softly, she scooped the baby into her arms. Then she propped it on her shoulder before whispering in her ear, “Your daddy’s funny.”

Daddy. Jesus. What the hell was happening?

“Go ahead and hop up on the bed and get comfortable. I’ll hand her to you. She just ate, so she should be snoozing for a while.”

I flashed Ian one last pleading look, suddenly hoping he had reconsidered that hundred-million-dollar offer, but his only response was a chin jerk toward the bed.

Shit. Okay. I could do this. I was a grown-ass man. She was a tiny baby. It could be worse. She could have been one of the biters.

“Should I, uh…take off my shoes or anything?”

The nurse rolled her eyes with a smile. “Just get on the bed.”

After sparing one last longing glance at the window, I climbed up.

Swear to God, my back had barely hit the upright bed before the nurse plopped that child on my chest.

Instinctively, one of my hands went to the baby’s butt and the other to the back of her head, but that was literally the only instinct I had. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I called as she started to walk away. “What am I supposed to do now?”

She grinned and shrugged. “Get to know your daughter.” As she walked to the door, she called over her shoulder, “As soon as you get that paperwork finished, I can start on getting you guys out of here. The doctor will be in to give her one last look before you leave, but give me a buzz if you need anything.”

Had it not been for the fact that I was balancing a child on my chest with both hands, I would have given her a buzz right then.

I looked to Ian. “She’s just going to leave us alone with her like that?”

Ian chuckled. “Did you think she was going to come home with you too?”

“Good point. Go ask her how much she makes and tell her I’ll double it.”

He shook his head with a smile and walked over to the bed. With two fingers, he stroked her cheek. “You sure this one’s yours? She’s cute.”

I looked down at her, doing my best to lean to the side to see her face without having to move her. I didn’t know what I’d expected. Maybe some latent fatherly emotions to suddenly rise to the surface the moment I touched my own flesh and blood. But, to be honest, I didn’t feel anything. Which was obviously the first clue that I was going to be a total failure at this parenting gig. “I feel like I’m holding someone else’s kid.”

He moved back to the chair and started on the paperwork again. “That’ll change.”

In a show of pure positivity, I shot back, “What if it doesn’t? I’m pretty sure my dad never liked me. Maybe that’s just the way my family is built.”

His head came up and he gave me a slow blink. “Caven, I’m not even going to waste time commenting on your dad. You can’t base your ability to love your daughter on that asshole. Look, I’ll be honest. I can’t think of a man less equipped to be a father than you are, but you’ll figure it out. You’re a good man with good intentions. That’s, like, ninety percent of parenting right there. So stop stressing about liking her and worry about her becoming a teenager and growing boobs. That’s going to be the scary part.”

I barked a laugh, quickly silencing it when the baby jerked as though I’d scared her.

We both fell silent, and as he went back to filling out paperwork, I stared down at my daughter.

Holy shit. My daughter.

It was so surreal. In the span of a few days, my life had changed so drastically that it wasn’t even recognizable anymore. And that change was going to continue in the days to come. She wouldn’t stay a baby forever. One day, she’d be a grown woman, holding a baby of her own, looking back on her life. She didn’t have a mother, but I could give her something worth remembering. I could give her a father she wanted to pass on parts of to her children—DNA she could be proud of.

There were going to be a lot of failures in my near future, but dammit, I could give her a good life.

“What do you want her middle name to be?” Ian asked.

My head popped up. “Her middle name? What’s her first name?”

His dark brows drew together. “I assumed it was going to be Keira. That was what the note—”

“Fuck the note,” I hissed. Fighting against gravity, I shifted her up my chest until her head was just below my chin. Lazily trailing my hand up and down her back, I kept my voice low. “Hadley abandoned her. She made that choice, but that is the last one she will ever get to make. She’s mine now and her name is not fucking Keira.”