Within These Wicked Walls(16)

“That’s an easy find,” Magnus said. He kept his eyes on his cards, but there was a slight smile on his lips.

I leaned back in my chair. Their flirting was tedious. Annoying. And maybe a little uncomfortable, if I was honest with myself. I was half tempted to get up and find Saba—she would make for far more pleasant company than this. But I couldn’t abandon the first dinner party of my employment. The next one, I could make up some excuse. But for now, I just had to grin and bear it.

“You’re too sweet,” Kelela said, running her hand down his arm. That was annoying, too, though I couldn’t quite place why. “Don’t you love this jacket, Andromeda? I had it commissioned. Magnus loves wild patterns.”

“It’s nice,” I said.

Magnus raised an eyebrow, and I snickered before I could stop myself.

Kelela eyed me suspiciously. “Even without it he’s the most handsome man in the country.”

I shifted in my chair, tempted to stand and leave but determined to stay put. “That’s a bit of a wild claim, don’t you think?”

Finally, Magnus looked up, his gaze direct. “Do you not find me handsome, Andromeda?”

“I haven’t noticed, sir.”

Magnus had been holding the cards between his thumb and middle finger, pressing on them with his index, and at my words he pressed too hard and the cards scattered on the floor. He gave me a look that was part glare, part marvel.

On the other hand, Kelela looked relieved. “That’s very professional of you, Andromeda. Esjay would say it’s unethical to—”

“What do you mean you ‘haven’t noticed’?” Magnus demanded.

“I mean beauty is of little consequence,” I said.

If it were, you wouldn’t hire someone as plain as me to save your household …

“And besides, it’s subjective,” I added. “What’s beautiful to you may not be beautiful to me.”

“What do you find beautiful, then?” he asked, kicking the cards away from him. His gaze was so steady now … “If not I?”

“The way you were cutting the deck a moment ago,” I said, nodding my head at the cards. He raised his eyebrows with interest, so I went on, “The speed and precision. It was simple, but confident. There’s beauty in that sort of skill.”

“Like crafting your amulets.”

And all of a sudden, it was like we were beside the supply closet again, understanding passing between us.

“The previous debtera took much longer to construct each one,” he clarified.

“And yet,” I said, teasing, “you have seen nothing remarkable.”

Magnus smirked. Kelela gripped his arm, glaring like she wanted to kill me.

“What do you find beautiful, sir?” I asked.

“Magnus,” he corrected, and for some reason the lack of chastisement in his tone made my face grow … warm. “What do I find beautiful?” A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, his gaze steadier than ever. “Eye contact.”

“Magnus,” said Kelela, standing quickly and taking his arm. “Will you draw me? You haven’t drawn me in so long.”

“I drew you three days ago,” he said, but let her lead him without a fight.

I waited until they were walking away toward an armchair where Kelela could pose before quietly rushing out of the room.





CHAPTER 7


I’d started menstruating on my twelfth birthday. I remember because the cramping in my thighs and stomach was so excruciating, I’d literally begged God not to let me die. I didn’t know any other way to deal with it—topics of a sexual nature, as a cultural rule, weren’t discussed outside the home without drawing shame, and so there was no woman in town I could go to for help. All I could do was wait for Jember to get home, foolishly sticking a glass bottle neck inside myself to catch the blood so I wouldn’t ruin every piece of fabric in the cellar.

Jember never batted an eye at creepy Manifestations, but when he saw me cowering in the corner, he turned grey. He made me remove the bottle, grabbing my chin too tightly, the rare touch of his gloved hand catching me off guard. “Nothing goes up there,” he said. “Do you understand? Nothing and no one.”

He gave me one of his pills for the pain, the drugs knocking me out until morning.

No one, he’d said. I had no idea what that meant back then. Jember was the least sexual human I’d ever met. He couldn’t make skin-on-skin contact but didn’t seem to want to touch anyone over clothing either. He never commented on appearance, never looked at women any sort of way, never talked about romance or desire. And because he was the only example I had to follow, I never pursued romantic feelings either, even if I felt them a little. Eventually they didn’t matter to me. Eventually I was so involved in God’s work, I never gave the idea of a relationship a second thought.

Until tonight, that is. When I watched Magnus and Kelela cuddle on the couch and felt a twinge of something I’d been missing.

Not jealousy—that created an entryway for the Evil Eye. But something deeper and worse, because I’d been denying the emotion for so long.

A longing to be loved.



* * *



I didn’t have to ask who it was when I heard a knock at the door, since the tinny jingle of bells came with it. I hugged my comforter around my shoulders to cover the simple nightgown Saba had given me. When I shoved the chair I was using as a barricade out of the way and opened it, Magnus was there in a soft, fluffy robe and slippers, holding what looked like an ornate jewelry box.