Window Shopping(54)

He strokes a big hand down my hair, picks up a pen and signs his own name, forgoing his right to make direct decisions about my employment going forward—a task which will be assigned to another manager—and he does it without taking his eyes off me once. Eyes that hold sensual promises and a guarantee that he’ll deliver.

Be alone with him in the next fifteen minutes?

Make that five.

With the formalities out of the way, he stands in front of me, so tall I have to tilt my head back, and he presses a kiss to the center of my forehead, exhaling deeply. Then he takes my hand and guides me out of HR toward the elevator bank. There are two other offices located just off this hallway and every single employee has stopped to watch us walk past, hand in hand. The heroic paragon of ethics and his ex-convict girlfriend.

What the hell am I doing?

I seriously don’t know, but I’m doing it. I’m allowing myself to grow from the lesson I’ve just learned. I’m not turning away from it. There are amazing people, like Aiden and Jordyn, who have spent time with me and made a positive judgment. One they didn’t even question when push came to shove—and I want to believe them. Badly. I want to believe that I’m the kind of person worth standing up for. I’m still the girl who let down her parents. I’m still the girl who can’t seem to withstand peer pressure from her childhood friend. But maybe it’s all right to test drive some trust in myself. My character. To see what I’m capable of. Just a little.

As I step into the elevator next to Aiden, our hands joined tightly, it’s impossible to ignore that he is not doing anything in half measures. There’s no pretending here. His all-or-nothing personality is another huge reason I hesitated to dive into a relationship.

I am…not all here yet.

Part of me is still mentally locked up. I woke up from a coma after four years to find that the world took giant leaps forward without me. When I walked out of Bedford Hills, my online courses, my second-hand car and my future were all gone, along with my makeup bag, clothes, phone and social acquaintances. All a thing of the past. Being here in New York, decorating windows for Vivant, still seems like an elaborate dream. I’m not used to it. Yet here I am, taking another wild leap into the unknown. And what it really all comes down to is…

I worry that I’m just pretending to be someone else. Someone new.

I worry that if I peeled back a single layer of skin, I’d find the girl who vandalized cars and blew off school and treated her parents with a lack of respect, all so she’d fit in. All so she could fulfill some bad girl persona. How could I have changed so much? From that troubled girl to this…woman who is proficient at her job and holds this deeply good man’s hand?

I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t.

But I’m going to explore this and hope that eventually the universe will send me a sign that I’m living right. That I’ve changed. That I can sustain that change permanently.

For now, I’m going to let myself have Aiden and this moment.

Maybe if I jump in with both feet, it’ll start to feel real.

Most of the employees in Aiden’s front office are gathered in the break room having their lunch. He nods at them as we pass, leaving their jaws unhinged. When we enter his office, Leland is at the desk opposite Aiden’s, merrily typing away, “Blue Christmas” by Elvis playing at a high volume. “BRB boss while I write literal fan fiction about you. I mean, that was just…” Leland trails off, making an explosion sound. “I think I’m going to join the gym. I’m just so motivated right now. I mean, this momentum will fade and I’ll regret locking myself into a contract but I’m going to ride this steed of ambition until it bucks me off—”

“Leland,” Aiden says, his thumb pressing into the center of my palm, moving in a slow circle and robbing the breath clean out of my lungs. “Your mother is looking for you outside.”

“My mother?” The head of Aiden’s assistant snaps up, his eyes appearing over the top of his Mac. When he sees us standing just inside the door, our fingers twined together, his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “Ohhh. My mother. That’s right. We’re going to lunch. So nice of her to drive in from Connecticut at the last second.” He stands and swipes up his keys, checks for his wallet, and breezes past us with a thousand-watt smile. “The official word is that you’re discussing the direction of the spring window designs.”

“Thank you,” Aiden says to his assistant’s retreating back.

The door closes, leaving us alone in the office.

“People are totally going to know what we’re doing in here,” I murmur, Carol of the Bells starting to play. Aiden turns to face me, crowding me against the door, sending a wave of heavy heat careering into my belly. “What, um…what are we going to do in here?”

A shudder goes through his sturdy frame. “That’s up to you, sweetheart. I just needed you to myself.”

He reaches past my right shoulder and taps a switch on the wall. There’s a mechanical whir and the room begins to darken. A thin black shade is coming down over the window, still allowing some light in but blocking most. In the space of seconds, the office goes from a professional setting to something else entirely. But when Aiden drops his mouth to mine and whispers my name, we could be on the N train during rush hour for all I care. I just want to kiss this man. My toes are curled up tight in my boots, anticipation making me dizzy.