Wicked Fox (Gumiho #1)(99)

“I didn’t think he would deteriorate so quickly. There is nothing wrong with him physically, but tests show his heart continues to get weaker. If this continues, it could be fatal.” The doctor didn’t mince words. Any other time Jihoon would have appreciated that.



When Dr. Choi left, Jihoon glanced at his mother. She stared at the door, hands clutched to her chest.

He wanted so badly to call out to her like he would have when he was three. Would she come to him? Would she comfort him? And would it only be out of pity because he was dying? The thought made it hard to breathe. Dying. He was dying. He blinked away tears before he spoke.

“You must be relieved to rid yourself of a burdensome son.” His voice sounded like the croak of a frog.

His mother spun around, her eyes wide as she realized he was awake. “Jihoon-ah.”

“Why didn’t you come before?” he asked, his voice a quiet plea. “Why did Halmeoni have to die before you came? You should have known I needed you. You’re my mother.”

“Jihoon-ah.” His name was a sob on her lip. Her grief should have bolstered him. Finally, proof that she cared and all he had to do was die. “I’m so sorry.”

“I just wanted you to be there for me,” Jihoon said. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” His body shook with tears. He was too weak to hold them back anymore.

His mother came to him now, her arms warm as they held him. And he finally felt his pride dissolve. He held tight to his mother for the first time since he was a little boy.



* * *



? ? ?

When Jihoon blinked his eyes open again, he didn’t know how much time had passed. Hours or days.

Miyoung’s face came into focus, and he sat up to the sound of beeping machines and humidifier steam. He let himself fall back against the pillows. The mere act of sitting up made him short of breath.

“How are you feeling?” Miyoung asked.

He didn’t reply, just stared as she adjusted his blankets, fluffed his pillow.

“Your mother stepped out, but she’s coming back.” Miyoung spoke quickly, as if to fill the silence.

“You should feed,” he said.

“What?”

He took her hand between his. “You should feed.”

She shook her head. “We don’t know how that could affect you. And after this episode, it’s obvious you’re too weak. I won’t risk it.”

“If you don’t, you’ll die.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“Wouldn’t it be better that at least one of us lives?” Jihoon asked.

“No,” Miyoung said emphatically.

“Don’t you get it?” Jihoon asked, his monitors beeping a warning of a rising heart rate. “I don’t want to live anymore. My halmeoni is dead because of me, and my body is giving out anyway. Just feed. Don’t be a martyr for me when I don’t want one.”

“We’ll figure out another solution.”

“You said it yourself. You’re too used to having all the time in the world. But it’s not something you can spend in limitless amounts anymore.”

“Since it’s mine to spend, I’ll do with it what I want,” Miyoung snapped.

“If you get the bead, you can live forever. Why would you throw that away?”

“I can only live if I kill others. I won’t. Not anymore.”

“What does an immortal gumiho care about us mere mortals,” Jihoon muttered. “We die, it’s what we do.”

Miyoung winced as he threw her own words in her face. “I don’t care about immortality. I care about you.”

A month ago, even a week ago, he would have held on to these words like precious sunlight. But he didn’t deserve it, not after he’d failed his halmeoni so completely.

“I shouldn’t be the reason for anyone’s happiness.”

“That’s not true.”

“My halmeoni died before I could prove to her I was worth it. All the things she sacrificed for me, and she died thinking I was a failure. A last-place nobody.”

“Jihoon-ah, your halmeoni never believed that.”

He let go of her hand and rolled away from her. “Just leave me alone. It’s what you’re best at.”

He shut his eyes until he heard the door close as she left.





68





JIHOON DIDN’T KNOW when he fell asleep. But in sleep he dreamed, a fitful toss of images.

“Jihoon-ah.” She was just as he remembered, fair skin, dark eyes, hair as white as the moon.

“Halmeoni. Are you real?”

Halmeoni smiled, the kind that creased the skin at her eyes and made them sparkle. “Whether I’m a spirit come to visit or a figment of your dreams, say what you need to say to me, Grandson.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears ran hot and thick down his cheeks. “In my next life, I hope I’m reborn as your grandson. Then I can treasure you, and honor you the way you deserve.”

“Oh, Jihoon-ah, you can still do that in this life. I hope you can live this life filled with joy. I think that will be a great way to honor me.”

“How can I, after what I’ve done to you?”