Where the Stars Still Shine(69)

“Callie, stop it!” She clamps her hands over her ears, as if silencing me will block out the truth. Frank is laughing his phlegmy laugh. I told you so.

I wipe my face on the bottom of my T-shirt. “You know what? You’re never going to change. You’ll spend the rest of your life running away from reality and making one bad decision after another. Believe me or don’t, but Frank hurt me, Mom, in a way no little girl should ever be hurt. And you let him.”

“I didn’t know.” Her eyes are glazed with tears, her voice husky with remorse. “Callie, you have to believe me. I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, but you should have.”

I look over at the primer-freckled Porsche where Ariel is waiting and watching. Even from a distance I can see the concern on her face. For me. Someone she barely knows. This is what good people do for each other. Unless she gets help, my mother will never be that kind of good.

“We won’t go to Oregon.” There’s desperation in the way she clutches at my hands. As if a change in destination will solve everything. “You can pick the place this time.”

“I love you, Mom.” I give her hands a gentle squeeze and then I let go. “But I’m going home.”

I don’t look back as I walk to Ariel’s car because I’m afraid if I do, the guilt will send me running back to my mother. Or, worse, I’ll turn around and she’ll already be gone. I don’t look back because if I never see her again, I want to remember her with tears in her eyes. Feeling something for me.

Sadness spreads inside me, organ to organ, cell to cell, until it feels as if I’m made of pain. It hurts to think. It hurts to breathe. Ariel asks only where I want her to take me and even giving her Greg’s address—my address—is painful. But I don’t cry anymore. I’m finished.

The driveway is still empty when she drops me off, and at first I wonder why Greg and Phoebe have been away so long, but then I realize I’ve only been gone a little more than an hour. Not long enough for anyone to notice I was missing. Not long enough to even be missing.

Ariel lifts my baggage from the truck. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.” I was so certain I’d be leaving Tarpon Springs today that I have no backup plan. “I’d have been lost without you today. Thank you.”

“No problem.” She gets in the Porsche and rolls down the window. “Hey, have you thought anymore about the job?”

Only now do I realize that I walked away from the gift shop in the middle of my shift. Even though I’m pretty sure Theo secretly wants to fire me, he’ll probably take me back if I show up for work tomorrow morning. I think it’s time to let us both off the hook. “I’ll take it.”

“Yes!” Ariel’s grin is huge as she reaches up for a high five. “Stop by after the holidays and I’ll teach you everything you need to know about selling books, okay?”

When she’s gone, I return everything to where it belongs—Phoebe’s suitcase included—until there’s no evidence that I ever left, and get in my bed. A second later, I nearly jump out of my skin when the screen door slams.

“Oh, thank God.” Kat is standing beside me. The grit in my eyes and the alarm clock on the dresser behind her tell me I’ve been in bed longer than a second. She crawls in beside me. “I’ve texted you eleven billion times and you didn’t answer. I’ve been crazy worried.”

“I’m sorry. I just—there was something I needed to do.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Right away I feel bad because I know Kat wants me to be the kind of friend who confides in her. “I mean, I do, but right now it’s too hard. Give me some time?”

She rests her head on my shoulder, her hair tickling my nose. “Sure.”

“You’re a space invader, you know that?” There’s no unkindness when I say it. Kat might not be the person I imagined having as my best friend, but now I can’t imagine anyone else.

“Does it bother you?” she asks.

“Not at all.”

We lie quietly for a minute or two, the afternoon sun sending a shaft of gold across the comforter, making it sparkle. I find my thoughts drifting to Alex. Wondering what he’s doing right now.

“Stop thinking about him.” Kat breaks the silence.

“I’m not.”

“Liar.” She props herself up on her elbows. “It’s classic breakup behavior to think about him, but Callie, he’s an idiot. I mean, he’s pissed off because you made him do something he didn’t want to do? So what?”

“Isn’t he an idiot for not liking you back?”

“Please.” She rolls her eyes. “I’ve always known it was just a stupid crush, but you—you mean something to him. And if he can’t get over this, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

“I’ve never thought of myself like that.”

“What? Someone to be deserved? Of course you are,” Kat says. “And any guy who can’t see that is an idiot.”

“Hey, Kat?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you hate me if I quit the shop to go work at the bookstore downtown?”

“Can I still come over and invade your space?”