Where Have All the Boys Gone?(93)

“Going ONCE!” screeched Mrs. McClockerty. She looked down. Lachlan was tugging at her skirt. She bent down as he whispered in her ear.

Katie and Harry were still staring at each other, completely oblivious to the rest of the room. Katie was just reaching up her hand to take his. She wasn’t quite sure what she was doing, but it felt terribly natural to be doing so.

“AHEM,” said Mrs. McClockerty, her beetle brows coming very low as she hollered into the mike. “It has come to my attention that I may, in fact, have been a wee bittie hasty before and insulted a lot of youse.”

“Ya big fat bitch!” came a heckle from the back of the tent, to widespread laughter.

“So, I’ve been ordered to say ‘sorry.’” She looked as though this was an extremely difficult thing for her to get out. “And, to add to that, if you bid for the lovely Harry Barr, you will also, ahem, get the opportunity to . . . what was that, Lachlan?” Lachlan whispered into her ear again. “Cake? Really?” She looked furious. “OK. Whoever bids for Harry also gets to pelt me with cake.”

At this, there was a renewed outburst of cheering. Mrs. McClockerty stroked her sequinned top with a sigh.

“ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY!” yelled a voice from the back.

“TWO HUNDRED!” came another.

Immediately, the spell was broken. Harry stood up, looked around, shuffling awkwardly on the spot. The bidding increased; people knew who he was and he was the reason some of them had come there in the first place. The figure went up and up, and he stayed, looking miserably at Katie, with Mrs. McClockerty’s hand firmly clamped on his arm, as the sums mounted. Women were on their feet, clustering around the podium, and Katie suddenly felt very claustrophobic. She had to leave. She got up and headed for the bathroom, closely followed by Louise.

“WHAT’S UP?” ASKED Louise, as Katie leaned her forehead against the cold white tiles. They’d left the Portaloos to their own devices and slipped into the downstairs cloakroom of the main house, which felt cold and quiet. There were a few people strolling around, couples talking quietly in corners; assignations being arranged. But there was nobody in the large bathroom, for which Katie was profoundly grateful.

Katie rubbed her hand over her eyes.

“OK,” she said. “Here’s the thing.”

Louise nodded expectantly.

“How long have you known me?”

“Eight years?” said Louise.

“And during that time, we’ve talked a lot about boys, right?”

Louise nodded heartily.

“About boys we’ve liked and about boys who’ve been nasty to us?”

Louise nodded.

“And boys we’ve chased and boys we thought were rubbish?”

“What’s your point?”

“Have we ever been liked by two boys at once?”

Louise squealed. “Really?”

“Hmm,” said Katie.

Louise tried to get her head around it. “Two men really fancy you?”

“I know! I feel like Jennifer Aniston!”

“Wow,” said Louise. “I don’t even know what kind of advice you’d give for something like that.”

“I know,” said Katie. “We’re in uncharted waters.”

She reapplied a dark red lipstick she’d found that went exactly with the dress.

Louise looked at her, shaking her head. “You seem awfully cool about this.”

“No, I don’t,” said Katie. “One is a dickhead and one’s . . .”

“Your boss,” said Louise. “Oh, for goodness’ sake,” she said when she saw Katie’s shocked face. “What, you think I’m an idiot? He’s a complete hunk and, oh, by the way—you just tried to buy him.”

Katie heaved a sigh. “Well then. So, you know, it’s probably best to ignore this whole thing and, you know, just go home, and . . .” Her eyes dropped to the floor. “It’s just so complicated.”

“What? Arse bollocks!” said Louise. “This will NEVER happen again! You’ll probably not even have one person in love with you again. You’re completely wearing out your quota right now. This is your last ever chance for love!”

“Could you stop saying things like that?”

“No, I mean it. We’re not getting any younger, and you get two blokes. I mean, what are the odds? This must be the end! You’re going to have to choose!”

“Of course I’m not,” said Katie, trying to sound convincing. “I’ve given up Scottish men for good.”

“OK,” said Louise. “Hypothetically, if you hadn’t just said something completely crazy . . . if you had to choose one, which one would you want?”

Katie thought about it. “I . . . I don’t . . . you know, Iain hurt me really badly.”

Louise nodded.

“I thought . . . I mean, I really liked him. But then he just left me flapping about in the wind, and Harry . . . Harry’s been so . . . I mean, he drives me crazy half the time, and he’s really moralistic and annoying.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But . . . but, there’s something about him . . . I’d just . . . I’d just love to know what it’d be like to be with him. Do you know what I mean?”