Where Have All the Boys Gone?(16)

“Two pieces only!” she barked.

There were three other people in the dining room, all men, sitting on their own.

“Perhaps it’s a lonely murderers’ convention,” suggested Louise, trying in vain to warm her hands on the coffee pot.

“It holds up Olivia’s male–female ratio theory,” said Katie, inhaling her tea greedily. Before they’d left, Olivia had pointed out that seeing as the main industries in the region were farming, fishing, forestry, and a large research centre down the road, they might be in with a bit of luck totty-wise. Although studying their fellow inmates, Katie wasn’t entirely heartened by what was on offer. One of the men was dropping crumbs all over his Aberdeen Evening Post, another was unselfconsciously exploring the inside of his nose. At the far end, Mrs. McClockerty was surveying the room in silence, making sure nobody took more than the requisite number of condiments.

“So, are we going home today?” asked Louise brightly. “’Course we are!”

Katie grimaced. “I think I’m going to have to at least look at this job thing. Otherwise Livvy will have my farts for parts.”

“Surely not,” said Louise. “She won’t mind. This place is cruel and unusual.”

Outside, rain was throwing itself against the window as if it were trying to get their attention. Katie looked at her watch. Eight thirty.

“I’m going to have to go,” she said apologetically.

“OK, I’ll get the car started,” said Louise.

“You’re not coming!”

Louise looked taken aback. “Of course I am.”

“Of course you’re not. This is my job. I’m not walking in there like Jennifer Lopez with an entourage. They already hate me.”

“Do they know it’s you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do they know it’s you? The person who already got turned down for the job?”

“I did not get turned down for the job! I . . . declined.”

“What? They offered it to you and you turned it down?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

“By default?”

“That’s a manner of speaking.”

“Well, what am I going to do all day?”

“You should have thought of that,” said Katie sternly, “before you started with the ‘Ooh, please can I come, boo hoo hoo, blah blah.’”

Louise gave her a look.

“OK, everyone out!” said Mrs. McClockerty. The men started shifting around, collecting his papers untidily together, in one case, and wiping his finger surreptitiously under the table in another.

Mrs. McClockerty came and stood so her bosom loomed over their heads, blocking out all light. “You must exit the premises until 6 o’clock. This isn’t a hotel, you know.”

“It is a hotel!” said Katie.

“It’s a boarding house,” said Mrs. McClockerty, as if Katie had sworn at her. The girls waited for further elucidation as to what the difference was, but none was forthcoming. The bosom swayed towards the door and vanished into the endless bowels of the house.

“Can I hide under the seat of the car while you’re at work?” asked Louise desperately.

“No! You have to go explore.”

There was a pause. “Can I have the umbrella?” asked Louise.

“I forgot it,” said Katie in a very quiet voice.

“You forgot an umbrella when coming to the Highlands of Scotland?” said Louise in an even quieter voice.

“Yes,” said Katie.

Louise sat very still for a minute. Then she stood up, slowly. “I will see you,” she announced, “at 6 P.M.” Then she picked up her coat, still wet from the night before, and, with a great sense of purpose and wounded pride, walked out of the big old-fashioned door. Katie watched her go for a moment, feeling guilty, then feeling annoyed that she spent so much of her life feeling guilty.

Mrs. McClockerty poked her head around the door and looked pointedly at the brass clock on the wall. It was 8:40. Katie jumped up, guiltily.





Chapter Five


Katie hadn’t known what to expect of the town—she hadn’t seen much of it from the tiny railway station. But on first impressions, Katie felt happier despite herself. The rain was easing off, and there was even a hint of sun in the air, trying hard to make itself felt behind a watery cloud. The town was tiny, built around a little harbour. The houses were brightly painted and picture-postcard cosy. The town looked like it should be hosting a perky children’s television series, and, although the streets were deserted, Katie could imagine it thronged in the summer. The roads were narrow and cobbled, and a tiny church was perched on one of the hills above. The directions to the Forestry Commission indicated it was out of town, though, and so Katie reluctantly set off in the opposite direction, following the badly-faxed map.

The rain did stop, but the Punto was still having some trouble navigating the muddy roads through the thick woods. It was the first time Katie had ever driven somewhere where she could see the point of those ridiculous Land-Rover thingies, other than to transport skinny blonde women and their single children to the lycée whilst squashing cyclists in the London rush hour. Olivia, who usually cycled to work of course, always suggested that they use the bullbars on the front of their vehicles to tie little posies of flowers to commemorate all the cyclists and pedestrians they’d killed that week whilst being too far off the ground to notice anyone and too busy doing their make-up to care.