When We Left Cuba(55)
“If I die, then it will be for something I believed in.” His fingers brush my cheek. “Would you be sad if I died? Would you cry for me?”
His tone is idle, taunting as mine was earlier, playing with me as I did him. We are so alike, too alike. I would say that this is all a game to him, except— There’s something in his eyes that suggests otherwise.
“Of course I would cry.”
“Because we’re friends.” Eduardo traces the curve of my lower lip with his thumb, brushing away a tear at the corner of my mouth. I’ve played too close to the edge this time, lost whatever temporary relationship I had with Nick. Elisa has gone to Miami, Isabel is getting married, Nick was never mine, and now Eduardo is off to war, and I am really, truly alone.
I shudder.
“You’re feeling sorry for yourself,” he says with an affectionate smile.
“I am.”
“You never did like being left out. You would always convince me and Alejandro to take you with us when we went on adventures, even if it was somewhere your mother never would have let her daughters go, even if it was the most unladylike activity.”
“I’ve never had much interest in being a lady.”
He smiles. “No, you haven’t. But try to stay out of too much trouble while I’m gone. I will worry about you.”
“Be careful,” I reply.
“I will.”
Neither one of us moves, his thumb lingering on my lower lip.
“We’ll be in Havana soon,” he vows.
“We’ll dance at the Tropicana,” I counter.
I close my eyes, and let my imagination take me there, indulging in the foolish hope that we will turn back the clock, and everything will be simpler once again. When I open my eyes, Eduardo is staring back at me, his gaze intent, and now that I am older, more experienced, I understand the look there for what it is.
“Have you ever wondered—”
He dangles the words between us, the possibility of them—
Have you ever wondered what it would be like between us?
Perhaps.
“We’ve never—”
“Once,” I correct him, the memory surprisingly sharp in my mind despite the intervening years, the image of two children playing at being grown-ups and the kiss I stole all those years ago.
A different life.
Eduardo’s lips curve into a smile as he remembers that rainy day when the world was a different place entirely.
“Once,” he agrees.
His thumb sweeps across my bottom lip again, hovering there.
“Haven’t you wondered about all the things I’ve learned since then?” A hint of amusement threads through his voice, as though this is all a game, like the ones we played when we were younger, but there’s an earnestness that belies the casual tone of voice, the playful smile on his mouth.
I can’t force myself to say the words, feel as though I’ve stepped outside my body and am watching this happen. In the end, I only manage a shaky nod before his eyes darken, his mouth covering mine, his arms hooking around my waist, hauling my body against his.
He kisses like a man living on borrowed time, as though the coming war will steal his remaining days from him, and he knows it. He kisses without guilt or reservation, the legendary skills I’ve heard whispered about in powder rooms clearly not exaggerated one bit. It’s fun kissing him, energy building inside me like a laugh bubbling up, and then the bubble bursts, and the fun is swept away by the sensation of my body coming alive, the intensity of his kiss drowning out everything else.
As quickly as Eduardo embraced me, he releases me, and where I expect to see the same confusion in his eyes that lingers inside me, I see only inevitability, as the realization that he has wanted me for far longer than I ever knew hits me full force.
In another life, we might have been magnificent together.
A smile plays at Eduardo’s mouth, satisfaction in his eyes. “You haven’t been paying attention.”
I take an uneven breath, then another, attempting to steady myself, to clear my head after his drugging kiss.
“You’re as good as they say you are.”
He gives me an indulgent smile. “You’re as good as I knew you would be.”
So, not an impulse, then.
“No, not all,” he replies, and I realize I’ve spoken the thought aloud.
“I don’t—I’m not—”
I don’t see you that way. I’m not looking to further complicate my life.
Both of those things would have been true a few minutes ago, but then he kissed me, and I realize I’ve underestimated him, been so focused on Cuba and Nick, that I didn’t see Eduardo as anything other than a friend, a connection to the CIA, when the reality is, he could be so much more.
He knows it, too, his gaze sharpening, satisfaction in his eyes, and a hint of my lipstick on his mouth.
“Something to think about. For when I return.”
He’s gone without a second glance, leaving me on the balcony alone, my arms wrapped around my body, my lips swollen from his kisses, my heart heavy from Nick’s lie, and the knowledge that if Nick was watching the balcony entrance, he just saw Eduardo walk out with a smudge of my signature red lipstick on the corner of his mouth.
* * *
? ? ?