When All Is Said(75)
‘The will is sorted. Robert has that for you. Everything is taken care of. The land and home is sold and every business interest I’ve ever had has also been taken care of. You’ll find that all the proceeds are yours, sitting in several bank accounts, except of course for the one in Adam and Catríona’s names. I wanted to leave no headache for you. All is ready for you to live your life.
‘There is, of course, the issue of the hotel, this hotel. I own half. It’s a long story and one I’m sure Emily will tell you. You’ll remember Emily from your wedding, nice lady. I want her to have it, Kevin, the hotel; I’m giving it back, although her mother may have something to say on that. She can do what she wants with it then. It’s best that way. I’ll let her fill you in on it all, no need to bore you with the detail now. But one other thing, you know that brother of Rosaleen’s, your man who was one of your grooms men, can’t remember his name, but you might introduce him to Emily someday, I’ve a feeling they might hit it off. And there’s a few bob there for a lad called David as well. Robert’ll tell you about him.
‘I’m ready for your mother now. Ready for her by my side again. It’s a risk, I know. Perhaps there is no heaven. Perhaps she won’t be there with open arms. But anything, anything has to be better than this life without her. These past two years have been rotten. I’ve felt the ache of her going in my very bones. Every morning, every hour of every day I’ve dragged her loss around with me. The worst thing has been the fear that I’ll wake one morning and she’ll be gone from my memory forever, and that, son, that, I just can’t do. I’m not half the man I was without her. I’m ready, ready to have her hand in mine for real again, not imagined any more.
‘Well, my boy, I think that’s me. The good and the bad of me. Have a good life, son, keep ploughing on and you’ll be doing mighty. Mighty. And thank you, Kevin, thank you for all the years of letting me be me.
‘And know this – if ever you need me I am beside you listening, always. I love you, Kevin. Take her handy, my boy. Bye for now.’
The silence surrounds me as my finger presses ‘done’. Your picture, I turn over and put on top of my phone with a message I wrote on the back earlier: For Kevin – Press Play. And then it’s time for sleep. Me and my pills and your whiskey make it to the bed and on to these sheets that are way too good for me.
Whiskey first.
I unscrew the bottle as my glass, unsteadied by the ripples I’ve caused in the bed, leans into my thigh. I sigh; one last chance to bolt for the door, one final chance to flush these beauties down the toilet.
No?
My hand finds the glass and I raise it and start to gulp them down. Then drink again. And gulp and drink and gulp and drink. I pour and swallow. And then I lie back, my glass at last empty.
My eyes close one final time and I call to her:
‘Sadie, are you there? Are you ready? It’s me – Maurice. Can I come home?’
Acknowledgements
To friends and family who have shared stories that have helped in creating this book – Tom Byrne, Mary Daly, Gerry Heary, Marése Bell, Séamus ó Drisceoil, Brian McGovern, Michael Walsh, Anthony Lowry Senior, Joe Brady, Donal Heaney and in particular my parents, James and Brigid Griffin. To Brigid, Patrick and Jean for their continued support of my writing, in particular at the final stages of this novel. To two dogs called Dinky, one from Westmeath, the other from Wexford, who inspired the lives of both dogs in this book. To Rosie Bissett and all at the Dyslexia Association of Ireland – the inspirational stories of those who use its services have greatly influenced the life of Maurice Hannigan. To all in Loreto College, Mullingar, for affording me the time during the editing process. To the students and teachers of the Creative Writing Programme in University College Dublin 2015–2016 who gave invaluable feedback at various stages of this novel’s existence – Joe Crotty, Finnbar Howell, Laura-Blaise McDowell, Lorna McMahon, Aedamar Kirrane, Lorcan Byrne, Rory Kiberd, Disharee Bose, Colm McDermott, Eamon McGuinness, Phil Kearney Byrne, James Ryan, éilís Ní Dhuibhne, Frank McGuinness, Lia Mills, Anne Enright and Paul Perry. To Alison Walsh and Billy Doran, who gave of their time and wisdom in helping me get this book published.
To Louise Buckley, whose belief in this book has changed my world – your guidance has steered me well.
To all in Hachette Ireland, in particular Elaine Egan, Jim Binchy, Breda Purdue, Siobhán Tierney and Ruth Shern.
To Hope Dellon and Sally Richardson at St Martin’s Press USA, who acquired and championed the book. To Stephen Power and Samantha Zukergood at Thomas Dunne Books, who have supported this book’s development and not least, given me a great title.
To all in Hodder and Stoughton’s Sceptre team in the UK who read and fell in love with Maurice giving him a home I am proud of. To name only a few that have worked so hard on my behalf: Louise Court, Fleur Clarke and Lily Cooper. In particular my deepest gratitude goes to Emma Herdman who first found Maurice and whose talent and eye as an editor has helped me make this book shine.
To John Boyne, the man who first encouraged me to write and who has incessantly supported my journey ever since – I am in your debt.
Finally, to James and Adam – for picking me up and brushing me down when I stumble, and for the hands I will always hold.