Whatever It Takes (Bad Reputation Duet #1)(64)

I’m bullshit.

Because I already like her more than any shit friend I’ve ever had.

She dressed up as Vega, for Christ’s sake.

I laugh and I smile. Just trying to picture it. I wish I’d been there. Right beside her, for every Halloween she had the balls to wear that costume. And I don’t mean literal balls, but Vega is a dude.

What’s worse: I think I’d return to my friends if it would be like it was. When I lost some of them to juvie and when the rest of my friends turned their backs on me, I lost people.

Not happiness. Just people. And that’s what fucking hurts the most.

I’m not used to being alone. Having people near me, returning to what was, sounds comfortable and easier. Even if I wasn’t really happy.

Willow’s still a mystery to me. She’s shy but brazen enough to enter a party where she knows absolutely no one, all to find her cousin. I can’t even be without people that I don’t really like and who don’t really like me, and she could do that.

And she’s wary of touch.

But she let me touch her.

I might be bad for Willow. I’ve been bad for everyone at some point, but I selfishly need something that will keep me riding down this road. I’m scared that Superheroes & Scones won’t be enough over time, and I’ll find a way to turn back around.

To return to people I’ve known practically all my life. To people who will never make me happy.

I’m just terrified. Of every single option in front of me. Even the good ones. Even the horrible ones.

To distract myself, I stick to Tumblr. Something I actually like. I scroll through her archive and find the questionnaire easily this time.

Here it goes.

What was your…





Last drink: Fizz Life



Last phone call: umm, my Grandma Ida. She wanted to crochet me a scarf for next winter and needed to know what color yarn. I told her blue.



Last text message: “I bought it! I bought it!” to Maggie, in relation to Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud—I’ve been saving up babysitting money to purchase the comic book. I read ANYTHING that Loren Hale recommends (my comic book guru), and he suggested this one not long ago on social media.





I didn’t realize that she needed to save up money just for a comic book. I just figured her parents were loaded since she’s related to Loren Hale.

My brows knot as I continue on.

Have you ever…





Been cheated on: never gave anyone the chance to





What does that mean? She’s never dated? I don’t know why that surprises me. I just thought…Maine. She probably knew some guy up there, right?

Kissed someone and regretted it: never been kissed (don’t judge)





Willow…

I reread this part about five times, not able to move on yet. My hand is frozen to my mouth for a second. I drop it after the shock lessens. I’m not judging. (I promise.) I’m just confused.

Why hasn’t any guy kissed her before?

Did she not want them to?

Did no guys want to? That pulls at me because it fucking sucks and I’m still just…confused. Then again, it’s not like a person has to be kissed by a certain age, right?

Drank hard liquor: a couple times. I didn’t like the taste.





I’ll remember that.

Been drunk and thrown up: nope





Good for you. It’s not fun.

Met someone who changed you: I met Loren Hale once (my only celebrity run-in). He was standing on my front doorstep (long story). Loren Hale left within like five minutes—but he actually spoke to me. He noticed my Mutants & Proud pin, and I mentioned liking X-Men Evolution (the cartoons). Then he made a comment about the comics and Lily Calloway. He called her his girlfriend, but they were and are still engaged if Celebrity Crush is right. It made me think that girls could read comics too—and the way he spoke, he presumed I already did. I never tried to read them until that moment, until he left and I thought yeah, I’m allowed to read these too.

I started New X-Men and related so much to Wallflower, a girl I really needed a year ago, when my dad divorced my mom. And I would’ve never read comic books and fallen in love with them if I didn’t meet Loren Hale





There’s a lot to take in there. She only met Loren Hale once before moving to Philly—which makes a lot more sense. The pieces click together. Why she was searching for his house that one night at the party. Why she didn’t have any way to contact him. Why she doesn’t have as much money. Their families must have been estranged.

She really loves comics then…

Wallflower. I make a note to look that character up.

Her parents divorced a year ago. That’s got to be fucking hard. Unless, it was a good thing. One of my old friends, Jesse—his parents split and his mom seemed much happier afterwards. Divorce isn’t always that great and terrible monster some people believe it to be.

But that line a girl I really needed a year ago makes it seem like it may not have been a good change.

Shit.

Should I stop reading this? I skim the next question instinctively.

I’m in way too deep.